hi everyone,first post,I'm almost 40 years old,got depressed,then manic at 23.since then up until two months ago,I was in the dark,dark darkness.
I was dying inside,looking grey and like a junkie even though I wasn't one.

at 24,in 1996, I decided I would kill myself.

every day with the ice cold anxiety in my belly,NO energy or motivation.
I'm a musician but I didn't play guitar or piano again for 15 years.
I used to be passionate,i loved classical music like Mahler and Dvorak and the big,romantic guys.

I lost passion for everything,I tried to commit suicide,had many hospital stays,even moving back in with my parents so I would eat and shower
on the regular.I became unable.unfit for life.

someone gave me a pill when we were smoking weed one time and
that pill made me feel myself again for the first time in many years.
this was around 2001.

turns out it was OxyContin.40mg pill.having been on all the SSRI's and
the old school anti depressants and 3 ECT's I decided I would take this for
a while instead of killing myself.

Oxy is an opiate like heroin.if you take it 3 times a day like I started doing you
will become a heroin/OC addict.I was a little naive,desperate and I ended
up on high doses of any opiate i could find anywhere,anytime.

during all this I had a kid.God saved me for him.

I left the country some time ago and kicked my habit cold turkey.
I went back to depression.
back to hell.
I started crying.hard.then I *admin edit*

through alternative ways I was prescribed a very low dose,every morning,
of Suboxone two months ago.

I'm cool now.fine.I'm not depressed.not very anxious though still some.
this is my experience with suboxone.

I got it off label.
thanks you guys if anyone reads this.
I think it's better to be a suboxone addict than to just die a little more every day.life is hard,it's short,I have lost half my life to this stuff.

ok,enough.the suboxone gave me a new life.
I'm experiencing everything for the first time again.
how beautiful the heaven is where I live,playing "Purple Rain"
on my guitar again.buying a CD and feel something.
I am slowly recovering with suboxone and is it worth it?
IME:yes.