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My husband had a TURP

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Old 09-02-2015, 05:16 PM   #1
MelodyL
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Hi all.

We just came back from the urologist. My husband had the Turp last Wednesday and today they took out the catheter. He is able to pee much better than before when he had an enlarged prostate.

The pathology report was not in yet so we had to wait. When we were called in he asked Alan 'How are you peeing, how's the volume"? He looked at me (because I do all the medical answering) and I said 'His output is fine, he has no problem". I then said "what did you find out from the tissue samples". He said "As you know we send them out to pathology". I said 'What was the result"? He answered: ASAP. He explained that meant Atypical, blah blah. I looked that up when I got home so I know what that means.


Anyway he said (and he had photos of Alan's prostate which was 78% and it was BIG in those photos). He said "the pathologist is going to send the samples out to be stained". I said "why?" He said (speaking of himself) because I'm a paranoid jew and I want to make sure. His exact words. He was trying to make us laugh. I was not laughing. He said "This is probably nothing, but there is a small abnormality (which could be the beginning of a tumor, some irritation, but we have to do staining to find out) (I went home and looked up staining), Actually I looked up everything but there is SO MUCH information on men's prostate, you'd have to have a phd in this subject.

We are going back in two weeks. Alan is peeing just fine, has no pain. (Oh I asked the doctor what are the symptoms of prostate cancer and he said "There are no symptoms" I said "So how do you know how someone has prostate cancer? He said"Well, first we look at the PSA number and your husband's is 1 so that's why I'm not worried.


It seems there are real symptoms when it's found in the late stages.


The urologist said 'don't worry, because I'm not worried, your husband is fine". Is he telling me this so I don't go crazy or does Alan have the possibility of having prostate cancer. I read in an article that most men who have atypical cells EVENTUALLY develop prostate cancer. There is something like a 50/50 chance.


It's all about men and the eventuality of developing this kind of cancer. As they grow older.


This is what Rudy Giuliani had right? And they did seed implantation or something like that.


If we get the report back that he has early stages of this or pre-tumor (or whatever), what are our options. I couldn't get past the stuff I was reading so I couldn't read any more.


I know I don't have any written report from the pathologist. All I have are the words ASAP.


What do you think?


Alan initially had the enlarged prostate which the uro guy said was Benign etc. etc.


Now I hear the word ASAP.


And why does he have to go back in two weeks? Is this a normal follow up to the Turp procedure or does the urologist want to go over this report (when it comes in)? Alan wants me with him because (as he put it). You know how to understand this stuff.


So if any of you have experienced this, I'd love your input. Alan is not worried because he doesn't understand any of this. He just knows they took out his catheter, he does not have an enlarged prostate and as he puts it "when I have something to worry about, I'll worry about it'.

I am not like that, as you can ascertain. So any input is appreciated.

Thanks much
Mel
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Old 09-02-2015, 06:44 PM   #2
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If his PSA is 1 and he is peeing like a racehorse, then please sleep soundly tonight.
It sounds like he is being well looked after by his medical staff and he has a lovely wife like you to be by his side.
Prostate cancer grows slowly but so far there is no indication of it.

My father had prostate cancer in his early 60s and lived until 89.... a long and happy life
WITH prostate cancer.

Please go out for dinner, order wine and clink your glasses to good health.
My best, D.
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Old 09-02-2015, 09:55 PM   #3
MelodyL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diandra View Post
If his PSA is 1 and he is peeing like a racehorse, then please sleep soundly tonight.
It sounds like he is being well looked after by his medical staff and he has a lovely wife like you to be by his side.
Prostate cancer grows slowly but so far there is no indication of it.

My father had prostate cancer in his early 60s and lived until 89.... a long and happy life
WITH prostate cancer.

Please go out for dinner, order wine and clink your glasses to good health.
My best, D.

I've heard the exact same thing from others. Thanks so much for replying.

Melody
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Old 09-02-2015, 10:35 PM   #4
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Hi Melody,

I am like your husband. I will worry when I am told it is time to worry. Well, not always, but most of the time. I have had the flip side pop up and be just like you and worry preemptively but that is rare. Then I realized I wasted a lot of worry on something that never materialized. I didn't need the stress.

OK, that being said, I really think you should do exactly as Diandra said, sleep soundly tonight. It sounds very positive (good) to me.

I do not know much about cancer but I have people very close to me that have worked in the oncology field for many years. They would tell you NOT to worry and it looks good from the information provided so far. I have heard them use the terminology you mentioned. I have heard them talk about seed implants. (Not that I know what they are talking about, just that I hear the terminology.)

I appreciate your apprehension but let's consider your husband fine until you are told differently. Losing sleep and worry won't change the lab results.

Staining if I remember correctly from MANY years ago is just a method to differentiate and see cells better. Sounds to me like the doc is being very thorough and having the proper checks done.

REST easy my friend. We will keep you and hubby in our prayers and thoughts.
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Old 09-02-2015, 11:00 PM   #5
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I put some comments inside of your post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MelodyL View Post
Hi all.

We just came back from the urologist. My husband had the Turp last Wednesday and today they took out the catheter. He is able to pee much better than before when he had an enlarged prostate.

That is good news.

The pathology report was not in yet so we had to wait.

Yes, it takes time for the path report and the wait can be maddening.

When we were called in he asked Alan 'How are you peeing, how's the volume"? He looked at me (because I do all the medical answering) and I said 'His output is fine, he has no problem". I then said "what did you find out from the tissue samples". He said "As you know we send them out to pathology". I said 'What was the result"? He answered: ASAP. He explained that meant Atypical, blah blah. I looked that up when I got home so I know what that means.


Anyway he said (and he had photos of Alan's prostate which was 78% and it was BIG in those photos). He said "the pathologist is going to send the samples out to be stained". I said "why?" He said (speaking of himself) because I'm a paranoid jew and I want to make sure.

Sounds like the doc has a sense of humor. Just ashamed that you were not in a joking mood and that is understandable.

His exact words. He was trying to make us laugh. I was not laughing. He said "This is probably nothing, but there is a small abnormality (which could be the beginning of a tumor, some irritation, but we have to do staining to find out) (I went home and looked up staining), Actually I looked up everything but there is SO MUCH information on men's prostate, you'd have to have a phd in this subject.

Staining is a normal process and nothing about which to be alarmed.


We are going back in two weeks. Alan is peeing just fine, has no pain.

That is wonderful.

(Oh I asked the doctor what are the symptoms of prostate cancer and he said "There are no symptoms" I said "So how do you know how someone has prostate cancer? He said"Well, first we look at the PSA number and your husband's is 1 so that's why I'm not worried.

This is GOOD news.


It seems there are real symptoms when it's found in the late stages.


The urologist said 'don't worry, because I'm not worried, your husband is fine". Is he telling me this so I don't go crazy I don't think so. I do not believe the doc was just trying to calm your nerves. I believe he stated his true opinion of how it looks so far before all the results are in.

or does Alan have the possibility of having prostate cancer. That is always a possibility but from what you have said, an unlikely one.

I read in an article that most men who have atypical cells EVENTUALLY develop prostate cancer. There is something like a 50/50 chance.

You capitalized the important word, EVENTUALLY. Everyone will die, EVENTUALLY. But that doesn't mean we should spend 90 years or more worrying about the eventually of death.

It's all about men and the eventuality of developing this kind of cancer. As they grow older.


This is what Rudy Giuliani had right? And they did seed implantation or something like that.


If we get the report back that he has early stages of this or pre-tumor (or whatever), what are our options. I couldn't get past the stuff I was reading so I couldn't read any more.

Why do you want to cross a bridge before you get to it? If there is no water, you won't need a bridge. If there is no cancer, you won't need "options".

I know I don't have any written report from the pathologist. All I have are the words ASAP.

I could tell you a long story here but suffice it to say, NOT to worry about the ASAP. I will send you a PM if you want to hear a boring story.

What do you think?

Alan initially had the enlarged prostate which the uro guy said was Benign etc. etc.


Now I hear the word ASAP.


And why does he have to go back in two weeks? Is this a normal follow up to the Turp procedure or does the urologist want to go over this report (when it comes in)? Alan wants me with him because (as he put it). You know how to understand this stuff.

I would guess this is a normal follow-up to be sure things are still going well since the catheter has been removed. May want to be sure Alan is still peeing well. Some docs do more follow-ups than other docs. Has nothing to do with prognosis, just their style.

So if any of you have experienced this, I'd love your input. Alan is not worried because he doesn't understand any of this. He just knows they took out his catheter, he does not have an enlarged prostate and as he puts it "when I have something to worry about, I'll worry about it'. I agree with that.

I am not like that, as you can ascertain. So any input is appreciated.

Thanks much
Mel
So glad to hear that Alan is doing well post-op.
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:03 PM   #6
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Hi.

I'm not losing any sleep. I take a pill for that. If I didn't I would NEVER sleep. I am the only one who takes care of this man. We have nobody. Absolutely EVERYTHING is on me. For the past 14 years (since my son left home to do his thing and never came back), everything is on me.

It's gets EXTREMELY exhausting when everything is on one's shoulders. I have spent countless nights in a hospital chair next to his bed (this was in every hospital he went to). I am the one who cleaned him up (the nurses did nothing). I am the one who helped the nurse change his linens. I got him the water and the paper cups. And I'm the one who walked the corridors (these hospitals are so big, you can't find where the room is). I had doctors tell me 'We can't even find the rooms we need to find'. The numbering system in this hallways do not let you find the rooms. The hallways are hundred's of feet long. I walked them several times a day because I had to go and find the cafeteria to get something to eat. Then, when I couldn't stay overnight any more, I had to walk the long hallways again, go down escalators and wait for a taxi to go home because as I said previously, I am alone in all of this.

Next morning, I got up and did it all over again. This went on for months. Forget what this cost me in cab fare. And now I find myself awaiting a pathologist report (don't worry, I hear you, I'm not losing my head over this).

I'm just tired of all this being on me. And I laughed when someone said: "go out to dinner and half a glass of wine'. Alan is NOT the type of man who would ever suggest this or do this.

See, he has Peripheral Neuropathy, psoriasis and god only knows what else. I have severe arthritis and this morning I could barely move. Thank god I took two advil (which I never take). Never. I have to be in real pain for me to take any kind of pain killers. Normally, I move around and I get to doing what I need to do. But I'm the one who cleans the house, does the shopping, (thank god I use laundry service), I'm the one who arranges stuff. Sometimes it gets a bit much when it's all one your shoulders. I'm just getting tired of all this stuff on my shoulders.

My son should be here helping me. He is not and never will be. It's just hard sometimes. That's why I worry. And about everyone dying? Here's my theory on that.

We are all energy. Energy can neither be created or destroyed. We are all energy so when our time is up, we just transform. Into what? Who knows. That's how I see death. It's comforting to me to think like this. Works for me.

Let's just smile and hope for the best and I do thank you all for thinking of me. I just wish my relatives would do the same. Never going to happen.

Love, Melody
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Old 09-04-2015, 05:01 PM   #7
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Hi Melody,

It saddens me to read your post. It is very difficult to be the care giver when one is young and very healthy, but having no help and having your own health issues make matters so much harder with no relief in sight. I wish you had some help and a better support system. It is very tiring to be the ONLY person and never have a break from providing all the care.

No matter how much love there is for the person for whom we are the care giver, it is still a very hard road and a very tiring one. Please remember to take care of yourself, too.

You won't be of any help to Alan if you are down with your own health issues. It is not selfish to want and need some time for you to rejuvenate and regenerate. Any chance you could get a neighbor or a friend to be with Alan for a short time so you can get a break?

So sorry to hear the arthritis was so bad that you had to resort to taking medication when it sounds like that is a last resort for you.

Thanks for sharing your feelings.
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Old 09-04-2015, 05:19 PM   #8
MelodyL
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Hi.

My salvation is that every night about 6:30 p.m. I sit on the porch with my landlord (who is my best friend), her daughter and all the neighbors come by and comment on my new wig. I became a blonde (as you can see from my profile picture). I get such a kick that no one recognizes me, that they all think it's my own hair and we have a ball. Alan sometimes joins us but with the Turp and the catheter, well, it's been awhile. But it doesn't end there.

At about 8:30 p.m. all I have to do is walk a few yards to the corner (and I take my landlord with me) and we join all my friends who just sit up in the back and have their Dunkin Donuts coffee and cake and we all laugh ourselves silly because all of them have stories to share. They love hearing Alan stories. He has a female fan club. They even phoned him in the hospital and when he came home. They are compassionate caring people. Some of them are even care givers during the day and they come to Dunkin to unwind. I stay as long as I wish because Alan is only a phone call away and I sometimes go back up and just peek in and he's just fine.

And because I speak French and most of the Dunkin staff are from French Morocco, the look on people's faces when they hear me is enough to make one laugh out loud. I speak 5 languages and I get to practice when I'm there. I like learning stuff. Even at my age.

So during the day I take care of my house and him, and at night (weather permitting) I do my socialization. Thank god for that. They even go there during the winter so I always have someplace to go and sit and just chill for an hour or so. I know absolutely everyone in my neighborhood and we all look out for each other. So I do have a support system (emotionally) but as far as cooking, cleaning, serving, folding, cleaning bathrooms, getting in and out of taxis (that's the hard part), going to hospitals, back and forth, well it would have helped if my son had been there for us. He never will be and THAT is what is the saddest of all. I quit a perfectly good job because I had no choice. Believe me, I was a multi lingual administrative assistant and made good money back in the day. But I had to make a choice, so I chose to stay at home, and do typing for judges and lawyers and I got nothing in return for that. Adult children will do what they will do and my son even told me a few years ago when I asked him "Why did you leave, you had a family"? He said the following to me and I have an Idetic memory so I remember every conversation I have eve had.

He said "Let me ask you something, would you have let me stay at home, you support me, I don't have to work, I could stay home, go on my computer, play my games and you would take care of me?" I responded (this was over the phone), I said "What the h kind of mother does that"? He said "Now you know why I left". It seemed he planned the whole thing. He said "I always knew I would never work". He had a full scholarship to college. He was a genius. He graduated, left home and began a journey of gambling and gaming, that no one would believe and that was 14 years ago when Second Life and World of Warcraft and god knows what other games had just started to come out. Gaming controlled his life. And look what's happened since? You can't pass a kid on the street without seeing their faces in some phone,playing some game, going on FB and doing nasty stuff. I see this all the time.

But I digress. I have rarely spoken about this. Everything we did was for nothing, and I think that triggered Alan's severe psoriasis outbreak. He has never been the same. And the best? I once asked my own family "How come you never ask about my son"? And I was told "Well, we are so uncomfortable, we don't know what to say" So they never phone or do anything.

It is what it is. Thank god I got help and my friend who is also a fellow sprouter and happens to be a psychologist put it this way "your son is not the child you raised". So I put up boundaries and up they will stay.

It really changed my perspective on life. But one has to survive

Melody

P.S. Oh I have a new wig. I now look completely different. rofl.
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Old 09-04-2015, 11:32 PM   #9
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Hi Melody,

I don't know what to say after reading your post. That is so sad. You raised your son and this is how you get thanked ???

Enjoyed reading about YOUR multi-lingual talents, your prior work, and some of your many accomplishments. Glad you have some friends and social outlet but it would really be nice if you had some household help.

Wishing you less pain with your arthritis and other ailments. Sure hope Alan continues to have nothing but good news and easy flows.
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Old 09-05-2015, 12:01 AM   #10
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Well tonight was interesting. I went to Dunkin, all the gang were there. Alan was coming. I told them "Alan is coming' and all the gals were clapping (I kid you not, the guy has fans). I even made a video and if I can get it on youtube, I'll share it.

He was beaming, and he sat down on his walker next to our landlord and all our neighbors and friends. We sat there just socializing. Only for about 90 minutes but we got out of the house.

And now he's sleeping and I'm on the computer just watching movies (which I love to do on youtube). Thank god for youtube. It has everything.

If I ever figure out how to get the video uploaded (I'm usually able to do this), I'll post it here if it's allowed. It just shows Alan walking into Dunkin Donuts and everyone getting excited to see him.

It did him a world of good.

I will never be able to get help. So I don't cook much. We get meals on wheels I(thank god for that) and I keep things simple. At our age it's the best we could hope for.

You have a good night and thanks for listening.

Melody
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