I look at this "Men's Health" forum, and I see that nobody seems to be using it. There have been eleven threads started in the past two and a half months. Four by men, three by women, and four by a robot. There have been forty-five posts made, but thirty-four of those have been by women, and again, four by a robot. Of the four threads started by men, one man started three of them. You know what that means? That means that two people...two men...have made use of the forum in all this time. That's an average of less than one a month. The rest of the threads have been started by women hoping to give us men a boost. To make us open up about our "problems." If you don't believe me, then go check out the Women's Health forum. You'll see just how robust and active it is.

The most immediate assumption is that men don't post here because it is "embarrassing." Embarrassing??? I think it goes a whole lot deeper than that. I mean, what is a Men's Health forum, anyway? What separates men from women? Is it our shyness, or our deep-rooted fear of not measuring up as a man among other men? The women see this, guys. Women are more naturally nurturing and open about their concerns. Honestly, how many of you would rather have a male psychologist than a female one? I wouldn't. It's hard to talk about male things to other men, unless it's football, or fishing, or whatever your "male" interests are. Men aren't just shy. They are terrified of having their masculinity called in to question. We're not like women. Women deal with these kinds of issues all their lives...tampons, liners, yeast infections, the fear of becoming pregnant. The ups and downs of their monthly cycle. Their personal health is almost always on some part of their mind. But us guys get stuck up on having a "stiff-woody" (no pun intended), a steady stream, and short trips to the bathroom. After all, that's what being a man is all about, right?

Wrong. Maybe it's that way at some point in our lives. When we enjoy youth, and complete health, things might really work that way. But then we start to age, or we get sick, or both, and our bodies don't work that way anymore. It's like some invading army has conquered our own perceptions of what masculinity really is. If it's drooping, it's surrendering. If it's an invasive procedure, and we go along willingly, then we have given in to an easy defeat. But that's just silly, if you really think about it. When we are on top of the world, we can focus completely on being those things which we think broadcast our manhood. But when our bodies and minds are weakened, we have other important things to focus on, too. And one of those is getting back to the balance we had before. Or at least the best balance we can achieve. Women may be better listeners, but only other men know what you are really going through. How much it really means, and how hard it is to say. Only men can give you practical male advice from a male perspective. But to gain that means breaking down some of those timeless barriers. It takes daring, sharing, and caring.

These are only my thoughts, but I know a lot of other guys on this site have had them, too. But we shy away from the "Men's Health" forum like it's the plague, because our perception of what "men's health" means is very specific, and it's a line we are reluctant to cross. Maybe we shouldn't think about it in terms of asking, but rather in terms of giving. Of helping. Because if the first few men don't open up, nobody else will follow. And that means they will just hold it in and never get the help and advice they need. It's time to take a lesson from the ladies and open up. What else is a chronic health forum for, anyway?

my friend,

I made the promise to you that I would come and post and I apologize for taking so long.

You've hit so many points right on the spot...and I agree with so many of what you've said...

and once again, it is those three words that you've written that I nod my head with the most:

it takes daring, sharing, and caring...

it really does...

in a forum that is mostly women (not that we men are complaining, mind you. LOL) I guess it can make the guys even more intimidated to speak about "men's" issues...

in truth, when we think of men's issues vs. women's issues. Automatically, the "sex" organs come to mind. Because it really is what separates us in the first place. Then it is followed by the hormones and then other minor characteristics.

And in this current society, where you see news 24/7 and a lot of it involves sexual crimes and usually against...men...

it CAN get intimidating and the fear could come out.

what are men's issues? Is it always about erections, in this day and age, I see more argument over elections amongst men...

when I see those extenze tab commercial on TV in a room full of people. I see most men folks silent (but still watching) while the women folks usually snicker...and they are funny....

our society has kind of shaped a lot of our thinking of what is acceptable...

if we go to a dance club, we often would see a bunch of women dance together and nobody would really think any "negative thoughts" on that...because they are out there laughing and having fun...

but how often do you see a guy walking up to another guy and say: Bubba, would you like to dance? Even in a NON-sexual kind of way?

Women can dance together and not be sexual...but more than two men dancing together, well, the whole room will be talking...

and what about bathroom buddies? Women are allowed to have bathroom buddies. They laugh and giggle and hold each other's arms and hands while they head to the bathroom...

would we ever see a man going up to his buddy and ask the other guy to be HIS bathroom buddy? I highly doubt that...

I think until the day we can see a bunch of bubbas dancing on the dance floor or a two bubbas becoming bathroom buddies...

we'll continue to have the "stigma" of not wanting to open up....

but let me say this out in the open, Idealist...you, can be my bathroom buddy, ANYTIME...

I do hope more men post...I do hope more men open up....I can only open up so much and now, I just revealed that I am willing to have a bathroom buddy...

hmmmmmm....

well, at least Bot doesn't care...I am not sure if Bot is a boy or a girl, but he will always be my best friend and he can be my wingman, anytime...

take care, Idealist..you've raised some awesome issues and I hope some other smart men will come in here with some answers...

until then....I'll take the bigger stall...

jEEZ, bOT IS A GUY, HE LEFT A TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS BECAUSE OF HIS COMMITMENT ISSUES. hE WOULD NEVER BE A GOOD BATHROOM BUDDY, bESIDES OIL, i DON'T THINK HE HAS ANY FLUIDS COMING OUT. (attack of the Caps.!!!) Woman post because they always have something to say!!! Duh....

Men are funny.

My DH tells me of a teen friend who (back in the day) went to the local (small-town) pharmacy to buy condoms, which were kept behind the counter.

When he asked the lady for a box, she asked him what size. Well, he did what any self-respecting guy would do: he ordered LARGE!!!

Good luck with the forum, Idealist.

ROFL....I wondered how long it would be before the ladies started posting!

Good post!
You seem to be suggesting a non-medical area of discussion, more to do with psychological and sociological matters to do with being a man, and I think that is a very good idea.

We can discuss medical matters on these forums as well as with our doctors, but anything else has no outlet.
It's just not the done thing to bring up personal matters with another man.
Any direct personal approach is seen as suspicious and would be rebuffed. I know I would, unless we were long acquainted and respected each other.

The anonymity of these forums is a good opportunity to start to open up in a 'safe' way.

Now I'll just have to think of something to say.

Must stop posting as it's a bad neck day and typing is the worst thing.

I guess also that there may not be that many male members of the forum, though if that is the case it just emphasizes your point.

I'll kick it off with something I've not told anyone before.

As a child I was skinny, with only one good eye (the other didn't develop properly and has about 5% vision.) Consequently I was hopeless at the only two sports offered at primary school, football and cricket. Fast moving balls that I couldn't see to catch. Sports days were difficult days as I sought to avoid any involvement.
So I became quiet and shy, avoiding the spotlight and any attention.

When I was about 7 or so and using the school toilet the school bully roared in and yelled at us little b's to get out. Which we did.
This happened frequently and made toilet trips fraught with fear.
Anyway, the end result is that now I cannot use a public toilet with other men present.
If I have started, I clamp up.
If I haven't started, my muscles tighten up and won't release.
This phobia is known as Paruresis ('shy bladder' syndrome) - the fear of urinating in the company of others.
This article suggests that at least 4 million Britons, for example, are affected by it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6128738.stm

Another article suggests that 7% of the population may suffer from it.

It has caused me a bit of embarrassment over the years, but has mainly caused inconvenience and loss of the enjoyment of going out where a toilet may be required.
I use the cubicles mostly.
Very awkward when out with other men and we all need to go at the same time.
Need to get devious!

hi Peter B

I almost cannot help but want to use that line from "Top Gun"

"I'll be your wingman any day"

except I'd change it to:

"I'll be your bathroom buddy any day...."

but in all seriousness...

I am glad you brought in something that I was not aware of and probably a lot of others...

and it is something that IS quite serious...I cannot imagine not be able to go to the bathroom on a long trip...that would kill my bladder....

I am glad you are here talking and opening up and I am PROUD of you for doing so...

I hope you have started a chain reaction and will help others come in and talk about "men's" issues....

sometime in the future(gosh, I hope I have time in the future)

I would love to get into a deep discussion about men and their egos...

"why are we not allowed to cry"

"why do we have to be 'strong'"

"why can't we have a bathroom buddy?"

thanks for posting...I think Idealist is very happy at this point in his life and taking a break from the forums, but I am sure he'll be back to give us his input soon.

take care,

moi

dammit, I am going to give you a hug, Peter B, and I DON'T care what others think...

Thanks for the sentiments who moi. Still not a great response overall, but we have started.
I feel better for admitting to my phobia, though it doesn't really worry me now if others know. It's not any fault if mine as it was a learned response to an aggressive situation.
I wonder waht other phobias people here have?

hey Idealist!!!!
I noticed that in that mile long post,,you didnt post![ meaning what youve got a need or problem with},,,,,,and as for Poor pete,,,pete almost all men are that way,,i dont think its got anything to do with a sport or eye issue,,i think its more of a safty defense mechinism in place,,you know ,,your standing there vulenable to about anything and you must mentally relax to pee,,,other people bust in,,and a buzzer goes off ,alarming you ,theres a potential threat in the room,,someome you dont know[ although in reality he isnt a threat],,i notice i can pee great when people i know come into a room like at the gym,,or at home my wife or friend walks thru,,,,,,, and as for the lack of response's..i think men are more at being a little on the lazy side and trying not to look weak[ and im a dude too],,,,women are cool ,we are all equeal in Gods eyes and mine,,,im a open book to people and try not to fall into a trap of pretending to be what im not,,,as for the privatacy of the restroom ,,thats ok,,i like privatacy only when im ready to wipe,,,but standing up peeing ,,im not that bad anymore,,but it is normal,,,,,keep posting guys,,and as FOR iDEALIST,,,,,,,,,YOU OWE US ONE,,,,lol,,,BRING IT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,BOBBER