I guess that what I have is techinically a movement disorder - Shy-Drager's - and I handled it well for a long time but I'm having a hard time right now dealing with all of the uncertainties of it. For instance, the hardest part for me at this time is the inconvenience of passing out so very often - sometimes as often as 3 to 8 times daily every day with no warning. It has done quite a number on me physically as well as emotionally. My social life has taken a total nosedive because, as I said before, so many of my friends took a hike. And I've found that lately I've completely shut myself off from all the others. I very rarely talk to anyone because my head and mouth don't coordinate and I end up saying totally stupid things a lot of the time, or feel that I do. It's very hard for my husband to deal with because he's seen such a big change. I try so hard to put on a good front for him but he's the one who sees me pass out most often and, for the last couple of month, I've had pretty bad seizures along with it. The odd thing is, I don't remember anything about it later and he tells me what's happened. He works during the day and I'm home alone to deal with it myself for about 10 hours everyday. I don't usually go anywhere because I wouldn't dare embarrass him or myself by doing this in public. I mean, I've done it in public before and it's humiliating.....at this point I just want to die ASAP - or sooner. His family no longer has anything to do with me because they say that I should be stronger and just stop it. Of course, that's what they said about one of his uncles who had MS and finally died from it - he was weak and lazy and could "get over it" if he really wanted to.....So much for support. I know that some of my friends really want to be a part of it all, along with my priest but I just want out of the whole thing and, if I could die, it would be the happiest time of my life. My neurologist has already said that there's nothing more to be done and described what is to follow....not anything that I really want to experience. He really doesn't act too happy to see me and I haven't seen him in about 10 months. I don't see the point of going there if there's nothing that can be done.....kind of a lost cause. I feel as if I'm at the end of my rope and haven't decided that it's worth tying the knot in the end of it yet. At this point death just seems very, very welcome - especially since I'm told that it's coming anyway. Why not hurry it along??? Is everyone else on here in constant pain and, if so, what do you do? How do you deal with it? I'm already on tons of pain meds, including fentanyl and percocet.....it's just not getting it anymore. Don't you just get tired?