I was an "old Motha", 36 at my twins birth after years of infertility (old mother - multiples - you know I did fertility drugs.) But I've met really bad parents who don't have MS. Kids were 10 when I was DXed , now 17 they help Mom as much as they can or I allow. There no guarantee kids get emotionally and psychologically or never touched physically healthy parents. There are much harder things for kids than MS parents. They see the good stuff.

I think you are very wise to consider all these things before just doing it because "no one knows what the future may bring". Unfortunately with MS we surely do have a better idea of what it could bring than most people.

My two major concerns would be the chance of passing it on to a child, yes there is an increased risk imo, as well as financial stability in case you need to hire someone to care for you or your child. If finances aren't a concern adoption might be a great alternative.

Growing up today is hard enough under the best of circumstances and while all the success stories are inspiring reading just one on MS World from a young person who is terrified of getting MS or has had to be the primary care giver for their parent with MS breaks my heart.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Something to consider perhaps...
 

[QUOTE=RedPenguins;568132]Hi everyone,

So, I'm not getting any younger (and I feel really old even though rationally I am only 33)... I also have MS and my future seems so rocky and unsure lately.

I really want to have children and don't want to wait much longer. But - I feel REALLY selfish deciding to have children when I am "sick" and don't know what the future holds for me.


Hi Keri,

I was diagnosed when I was 32. At that time, the neuro. told my husband and I that, the MS was found in the very early stages. He also said that to have children would be fine. He also said that it's common to have a postpartum exacerbation.

The next year, I gave birth to my son :) And the doc. was right, a month after birth, the exacerbation occurred. That was in the form of major fatigue.

But today, my son is 8 years old and is doing fine :)

Basically, If you've a mind to have a baby, go ahead. Work with your family and doctors.

Cheers!

Niko:cool:

Thank you for sharing the other side of this subject. Sending hugs for you and your dear son.

I had MS before I got married....didn't know it till after my baby was born. I was dx when she was 4/5. I was lucky to have been in a remission, until she graduated from college.

I think you should go for it....IF....your DH is supportive and you have supportive family and friends and you are, otherwise healthy.

Good wishes in whatever you choose to do..:hug::hug:


Edited to add....My DD has MS too, but I still am glad I had her. She has a good life and her MS is in remission. And .... she has given birth to 4 chillins..

I think you're wise to think this through. As someone who's chosen not to bring more children into this world, I can tell you I arrived at the decision pre-diagnosis. My circumstances were never really condusive to having kids and when they finally became condusive, I was past the age where it was statistically optimum for me (or the health of the child) to do so.
That said, the MS diagnosis would have been one more strike against the idea.

Really though, I know people who are fabulous parents in spite of adversity, don't let your illness = exclusively - make your decision.

It's never easy deciding to have a child. I love my kids but my boy feels sick, throat hurts, his joints ache. Flu or 40% (really?) chance of MS?. I always get a little worried. SIDS was never my worry, MS is. I sent a new mother a card that said "Having a child is deciding to wear your heart on the outside". It's a serious responsibility. Good luck on whatever you decide on.

This is a great discussion and now I'll add my 2 cents

I was DX when my children were 3 and 1(they're 27,25 now) so my MS has always been a part of their lives. After my DX I decided not to have any more children and I have always regretted that decision. I was lucky to feel fine up until the time my kids were through with elementary school but ever since then there have been MS related issues and treatments. Through it all my kids have been supportive, at times resentful, patient and my biggest cheerleaders. Yes they hated having to do chores that their friends might not have had to do but they were glad to have those skills once they left home. I always tried my best to do the things a "normal" mom would do and I think that they knew that I wasn't giving up so they always accepted my limitations and hung in there with me. Today my kids are amazing adults with great strength and compassion. While I couldn't always do everything for or with my kids they always knew that I was there for them. My life had to move at a slower pace but that allowed me to be home and available when they needed my time or attention.

So I guess what I'm saying is that while MS will make you a "different" mother and it may take some things away from you and your child, it will also give you other things in return. Children need to know that they are loved and you sound like someone who can do this. Everything else will come in time. We're human, they're aren't any guarantees just hopes.
:hug: Karen

RedPenguins. 40% made no sense to me 1 in 40 for parent having MS. NMSS says they think that still low. Please consider facts yourself on this.

Epidemiologic surveys have determined that an individual's risk of developing MS increases several-fold if a close family member has MS. While the average person in the United States has about 1 chance in 750 of developing MS, the risk for a person who has a parent or sibling with MS increases to about 1 in 40. MS. Thus, the risk increases significantly for a person whose parent has MS, but still remains relatively low.

These risk estimates, however, are oversimplifications that can easily be misinterpreted. We now know, for example, that risk estimates can vary greatly depending upon the structure of a person’s family. In families in which MS occurs in many relatives, the risks for any given individual are significantly higher than they are for an individual who has no family members with MS. Risk for MS is also affected in part by a person’s ethnic background and other factors that haven’t yet been clearly identified.

How do we know that genes are not the only factor in determining who gets MS? The identical twin of a person with MS has a 1 in 4 chance of developing the disease. The fact that identical twins of people with MS—who share all the same genes—don’t always get MS, and that more than 80% of people with MS do not have a first-degree relative with MS, demonstrates conclusively that MS is not directly inherited and that factors other than genetics must be involved.