Oh my goodness.

My insides are just going crazy! Half from the flare and the other could definitely be the Prednisone.

I just had a pretty bad breakdown and burst into tears, sobbing for a good 25 minutes. I think alot of it is built up frustration with this disease. I've stayed very positive about things this whole time. I am so angry that I have changed so much about my life to make living more comfortable and easier with MS and I am still being bothered by it everyday. It just makes me feel really insecure of myself. I feel like I am a burden to those around me, I feel like things are already so very hard, and it's only going to get harder. It upsets me that I was going to go hang with my BFF tonight at her house, but can't because she has 22 stairs and I am in far too much pain to walk up them. I'm mad that I stayed locked up inside all summer to avoid heat/humidity=flare and then end up in one anyways. I want to be able to run again (even tho I hate running, I want to be able to do it if I want to) and party with my friends on the weekend (even tho that's NOT what life is about, it still would be nice to have a little party mode here and there). Or stay awake til MIDNIGHT! I want to be a server again, or be able to go out for a day with out a nap or having to take breaks! Or do chores without being in so much pain. etc.

---All of that craziness up there just got released on my poor boyfriend, I feel horrible. It came out of no where and I just broke down and spilled my guts to him, even more than what was put above. I mean I BAWLED my eyes out, I looked at him and he was crying too. (I'm not quite sure if it was because it was a sad moment and he was in it or if he was realizing how crappy this disease is and isn't sure if he's down for the journey anymore.) This was NOT fair to him and I feel awful for putting such a huge emotionally sad cloud above his head. Not even with his problems, with my MS and my problems. I know that MS causes alot of stress on the partner, so any advice for me in this situation that I am in? I was thinking about getting him a card to tell him thanks for being my rock. He's my all and I don't know where I would be today without him by my side.

I just feel like an emotional trainwreck right now. My mind is going crazy and my body feels sooo crappy.. I am staying in bed for the rest of this week and that is that.

-Ana D

PS - sorry this post is 100% l00py!