NeuroTalk Support Groups - Three tricky words...

I was 23 when I was diagnosed with MS by that point I was using a wheelchair quite a bit of the time. Though I eventually did walk for a while unaided I never got back to 100%. I never was able to run again, ski again all the things that I previously enjoyed.

Over 25 years later sometimes in my dreams I am doing that marathon bike ride or pitching the winning softball game. I even sometimes see myself running with my dog, Esperanza in the park & I have not been able to run since I got her.

Yeah I miss it. I have a lot of regrets. I had a rough childhood & lost most of my teens & early 20's to other things - I was trying to find myself or trying to create what I never had - don't know which.

The "if onlys" & "what ifs" still haunt me. I am sure many of us would do things differently if we could. But this is life we do not get any do overs.

Very often I listen to the 70's music chanel on cable it drives my PCA & others crazy. I "lost" most of the 70's don't remember a lot from that time & many things I do remember I would like to forget but in a way because I was so "out though" the 70's was the easiest time in my life. It was really the only time in my life that I belonged & fit in (granted not with the right people or right crowd but it felt good to be "part of"). The music kind of brings me back.

I am going to be 49 next month & I am having a harder time with this birthday than with any other. Don't know if it is the advancing MS, the loses, getting older or what. I want to be that 17, 18, 19, 20 year old skiing hunter mountain, riding 2 & 3 day bike rides & playing varsity softball. I know there are no do overs but I WANT ONE.