The though of losing my mind - or should I say having cognitive difficulties that stop me from functioning mentally would be my greatest fear - and what I mean is, not just forgetting things sometimes, brain fog, and speaking with a bit of a slur at times - but really losing the plot and being a burden on the people I love.

Mind you, I am not keen on anything that drags me out of my comfortable state of denial.

Lyn

I was never in Nursing - I was a Special Ed. teacher, dealing with Emotionally Disturbed children, many Neurologically impaired. Now I am. Ironic, huh.

I no longer drive, am in a power chair, but my students taught me about strength and courage and dealing and going forward. I've seen children go into psychoses, schizophrenia and other bad places. Makes this at 55 not look so bad.

Mind willing but body unable
 

My fear of not being able to take care of myself. If I ever get to that point, I will have to go in a nursing home. I don't have any kids and I can't imagine any of my nieces or nephews taking care of me. I still drive but very close distances, no more than 20 miles. If the body goes and I still have my wits about me, I don't think I will be able to cope. I would still have my memories of when I could physically do things and that would make me miserable. I'm miserable now because I can't do the things I did 2 years ago.

I can't say what would be the worst in the future, but in the past I think that the effect my illness had on loved ones and colleagues was the worst part of disability. I spent a long time without a dx, and came under considerable suspicion because of that. Seeing people doubt you are "real" is hard, but of course that taught me what I could really rely on. It
was a great growth event in my life, over many years. Because of what happened to me, I tend to be compassionate toward ALL people, for no one knows what they are really going through or why they are as they are. I believe there is only a small sliver of
our lives which we have real control over, to change or direct, and the rest of it is all
"given". But that small sliver of something we can change or direct is the essence of our soul.

Well said Mariel, thank you..:)

At this very moment, the worst possible disability for me is not being able to walk very well.

This week has been all downhill. I can barely stand up from a seated position, and whatever is going on (I have spasticity around my midsection and my waist, and numbness from about the ribs on down) I feel like crap. (not hungry, when I do eat, I feel sick afterwards) I walked out into the family room a bit ago to talk to my dad, and it took a LOT of energy. Starting to consider hijacking one of my mom's various rollators.

I called my neuro this morning and he suggested another neuro. (he said he doesnt know what to do for me) So, I called and am having my files sent to one of the neuro's that my current neuro suggested.

I'm starting to think any disability from MS is the worst possible.

Erin, I understand not being able to stand and walk easily, for that is my present problem.
Mine is not oparticularly from MS, it's from taking Interferon to try to deal with Polycythemia Vera. I've had neuropathy in my feet for five years, and that has been painful and caused me to wear wide padded shoes, and it caused me to fall down the stairs and break my knee last spring. But this neuropathy got extremely worse on INF,
my only real side-effect to it. So I had to stop it. I don't know if there is anything left to take to deal with PV. But I too may see another doctor, one at Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale. It's really hard for me to travel but my son will take me to the plane if I try to go. I have a friend in Phoenix with this disease, and she will pick me up; she too has
"autoimmune disease", probably Lupus, but of mixed and not understood variety.

I know what you mean, Erin, nothing's good about your present symptoms. I wish I knew how to send a valentine as Sally did. What a pretty Valentine! Thanks, Sally!

Mariel