I have whined here about my group several times, and its an AWFUL group. HArdly anyone shows up, and when you do its a bombardment of Avon products at you. Several folks that are there do nothing but whine, and demand special attention. Over the years the group dwindled off and many times this leader has been left holding her own hand. Once a month you get this hostage negotiation letter that you left her holding the bag last month, and how she was alone, and embarrassed with the speaker she chose. Please dont abandon her this month, or she will close the group.

She asked for suggestions once about "what am I doing wrong?" style questions. Is it the snacks? (what snacks?!) or the speakers? (several of her friends) or the place we meet? (local library 3rd floor! busted elevator frequently) or the time of day? (9am! for handicap folks that is early!) The length of the meeting? (its almost 3 hours!) or is it the day of the week? (tuesday 9am! its my most busy day of the week) So, it didnt work for me in many ways, lets not even mention that some who came didnt have MS, but were just WC folks that had other conditions, and wanted her to branch out into their disease. it was a train wreck on many levels and when it started to die she became quite upset and rude.

I asked her if she wanted help to run the group. NO! she shot back at me no! She was doing just fine. I asked if she wanted me to get the NMSS to provide stuff to help her. NO! she shouted. NO! Perhaps if not me, another assistant to help her organize some better topics, or better outtings for us? Perhaps bring in information for those without MS so they can find appropriate groups of their own? I gave loads of suggestions. In the end, with each passing week it was dying. The last 3 meetings I attended, it was just her and I. I didnt go to the last two and she sat alone. I got an email last night that she QUIT! she felt unloved, and unappreciated, and refused to sit in public areas waiting for us any longer. Good luck, God bless, but count her OUT! (clearly written in anger and frustration another sign of a bad leader)

Why do I feel guilty? Did I allow her ramblings to get under my skin? should I have done more to save this dying group? She refused to let me get involved. She wouldnt take my suggestions, she refused my snacks if I brought any, and really got upset if I asked her to stop using the MS list as her persona Email bank for Avon clients. I asked several times to be removed from her Avon list. I have a local woman I use here, and IF I want Avon, I would use the local girl.

I admit, I am a bit (ok, more than a bit) relieved that this madness has ended, but I know how much good it could have done for the MS community here. The one in the next county over is standing room only! They have lively engaging topics, meet once a week, so if you dont make one, you make another. Teach! they teach! nutrition, meds, exercise, CCSVI, CRABs, and so on. Yet, this poor girl couldnt get even the basics off the ground. I guess I felt sorry for her. Sweet girl, but messed up. Each and every speaker was interupted with questions from her about her disease, and she would side track them away from the group.

Ah well, perhaps someday I will organize a real support group, and not just one that is wild and unorganized. I know it can be a valueable resource, but this one just wasnt.

All journeys end.

I hold the opposite view on support groups. Many are not supportive as many members have their own agenda and needs. I don't need to carry their baggage too, I have my own. Studies have found many cause more stress and turmoil. I like NT, I can come anytime in my underwear, read what I want, ignore what I want, be so happy sometimes I don't have to listen in person to some, but be at a distance and edit it myself if they don't. As I told my PCP years ago when she suggested it "why would I join a group of people who I wouldn't invite to my home?" I have friends who support me, some with MS, some not. I admit I like those who get it, but don't need to seek it out in places. Do I sound snotty? A little. People leave NT too, I sort of miss their posts, but all journeys end. AND I don't do Avon and feel it does not belong in a captive audience situation.

You're free!! Enjoy it. The group in another county sounds good. Sometimes things just gel right. NO GUILT!! MS doesn't mean we all have a basis for a relationship. A common factor is nice,but not everything.