[Dejibo]

when we retired early to go traveling, we got a beautiful travel trailor and dragged it home. six months later, the MD said I have MS and the DH freaked out! Terrified to go camping while I was sick, and Betaseron cooked my liver we left it in the driveway, then switching to copaxone was so traumatic and the constant MRIs and the MDs and the meds...DH still freaked out, we chose to not go anywhere for the 2nd year. flare after flare, we chose to not go anywhere the 3rd year. After many long discussions we decided that I am more blind than sighted. I trip more than I am stable, I can trip on someones shadow, and its really sad, but we put a "for sale" sign on her.

I listed it on Craigslist but only got crackpots who wanted to take over the payments, but not come up with the money. We need someone to take her home, love her, use her! take her on her maiden voyage and make her a home. We are asking what we owe the bank.

Today a very nice man showed up. Asked for a tour. I gave it to him. VERY impressed he said its perfect and exactly what his wife is looking for. she hates the one you drive and wants one that can be dropped off. They have a truck that can tow it. Asked if he could go get his wife. I promised not to sell it before he could get back to us. 20 minutes later he was at the door, with his whole family in tow! Wife loves it! she had great body language. She touched everything. She wanted to know all about it. He climbed up top and walked the walk on roof. She asked about the mattress (which no one has slept on) checked out the potty (which no one has sat on) and was thrilled! so...I expect that we shall be hearing that they want to buy it.

Good news, yes? well...NO! its MINE! its MY dream! it was supposed to be MY trailer to go on hiking vacations, ski vacation (its a 4 season) or go to the races (full walk on roof) and get to know other campers, and travelors...no? So, while it would give us relief to not have to keep paying on something that is a driveway ornament, its a another dream stolen courtesy of MS.

MS SUCKS! how much more can she take from me?

[SallyC]

Awwww so sorry Dej..

[Jules A]

I hate MS too.

Originally Posted by Dejibo

its MINE! its MY dream! it was supposed to be MY trailer to go on hiking vacations, ski vacation (its a 4 season) or go to the races (full walk on roof) and get to know other campers, and travelors...no? So, while it would give us relief to not have to keep paying on something that is a driveway ornament, its a another dream stolen courtesy of MS.

MS SUCKS! how much more can she take from me?

I keep showing up in this forum, also Stumble Inn. I guess I ought to confess why all this lurking before I say anything else.

Multiple doctors (mostly neurologist's) have been involved in trying to diagnose a fairly wide range of symptoms that began about 15 yrs ago. From the start, MS has been mentioned. Whenever a test could indicate that, the results are negative. But after 15 yrs, they still say they've not eliminated MS. I've read a lot over the yrs, & I understand how this could be. But I am more than weary of it. I'm a big fan of Common Sense... So treat me already, just a little bit, see what happens...

Okay. That's why I drop by here. Yes, it does seem sometimes as if I might belong here. But Im really not a fan of actually self-diagnosing, I am hoping the docs will arrive at a dx. But I saw your thread-starter & it took me back to when my dad first died & I faced a major change...

I had cared for him for years until he died from Alzheimer's & I was 50. I had adequate retire investments (I thought) & was working as a research editor & occasional ghostwriter. I could work from anywhere. I wanted to do it in New Mexico, with enough land for critters.

I saw a ForSaleByOwner.com property, 21 acres, 1895 sq ft modern adobe (18" walls), stone foundations, hand-hewn wood ceilings, hardwood floors. 3 fireplaces. Solar everything (30yr warranty) except for wind-powered wells. Thermal windows. Gorgeous photos. Gorgeous views. High desert, near ice caves, a forested national wilderness, & so much more. Asking price was high for NM--but I could have bought a spot on the a.m. radio real estate talk show. I could have sold my FL condo for cash within a month & had enough to buy the NM property outright plus enough left to finance the move.

I emailed for more information. I got a multiple-paged response from the woman who'd built this place during her working years to house her dream retirement (eerily akin to mine). She'd had a heart-attack several months after she'd moved in. She was now in a nursing home. She wanted to know all about me & what I would do with the place. She sent some of her writing, everything dated. Poetry. Short stories. I'm not sure she realized it, but I don't think she wanted to live after a few months in the nursing home & putting the property up.

I didn't buy. I would have hated every inch of it, because even if she were still alive in some nursing home somewhere her sadness must haunt that place. It would have haunted me, anyway, in that place.

Dreams have a real part in what sustains us, & nothing in life ought to just outright murder them. Ironically, my dream (hers in the outer description) has suffered badly too, over the 15 yrs of increasing debilitation. So I empathize. I rail on her behalf and mine and yours and everyone whose dreams were slaughtered by disease--& flash that Edvard Munch painting of The Scream in all directions--the one that says "Not fair--this pain--there are no words."

Having the financial burden there means the dream still lives although of course you know it's over--of course you do. But with that expense gone you could now have an extra million bucks a month, & the loss of the dream is still greater than any possible gain.

I know that nothing anyone says help, but I'm saying this for me. I want to feel better. It's not healthy, I'm sure, but I appreciate company with my misery. Thanks for listening.

[AJ49]

I could have easily written the same post. My post would have said the same about my boat. I finally gave in after a couple of years of it being in storage. I look out the window at the lake I should be motoring around in and just keep telling myself that the money I recieved for selling it will pay for the new kitchen I want. Thinking about that project at least keeps me from feeling that "lost dream".

[Judy2]

I'm so sorry Dej. Sometimes I feel as though eventually I'll just fade away into oblivion as this miserable disease continues to take away more and more of my life. Being divorced after 24 years of marriage and three kids -- now six grands -- inheriting a substantial amount when my father passed 12 years ago, I was finally in a position to enjoy "retirement". Bought a beautiful townhome, a brand new sporty/luxurious car and was looking forward to traveling and spending quality time with the grands. But no...............this horrible companion had to advance, first of all taking away my ability to walk, then unable to drive and sold my dream car. Rarely see my "kids" or the grands....you know when you can't do the normal things it's easy to be left behind. Now I only use about half of my house, can't get out in the back yard patio, flower garden, etc., have severe nerve pain 24/7, haven't been to a store in almost three years because it's so hard getting my spastic/stiff legs into a car and most people don't want to bother. Now I don't even want to go anywhere. Yes, I understand your situation completely. It's even taken away our dreams. I'm so sorry...

[dd in pain]

I am so sorry my son thinks about the things he should be doing and today I was feeling sorry for my self because I am all alone.:
I lost my husand 2 years ago to cancer.

[SallyC]

So sorry for the loss of your DH, dd..

[Judy2]

So sorry about your hubby, dd. That's another disease that takes away our hopes and dreams.

[Jodylee]

I'm so sorry Dej I HATE what this dsease takes from us. It just sucks!!