[Blessings2You]

At the risk of beating that poor dead horse, I'm struggling again (still?) this morning with balancing wanting people to understand, to "get it" with the consequences of that.

How many of us were raised to cowboy up, don't complain, put on a smile, work through the pain. One of the highest compliments you could pay somebody was, "Look how sick he was and we never knew it!" Really?

Recently I found myself thinking (in reference to a family member), "Doesn't she know how sick I am??" Well, no, probably not. And is that necessarily bad? Tricky balance.

I want my family, especially my kids and granddaughter, to understand. Of course. But I don't want to lay a guilt trip on them. I know how it is to peek at the caller ID and groan, knowing it's going to be twenty minutes of the same health complaints...about which I'm able to do NOTHING!

I'm working on ways of enlightening without burdening. Do you see what I'm saying? For example, I don't want to call my daughter and whine, "My legs hurt all the time, it's hard to stand, it's hard to sit, wah wah wah."

On the other hand, I don't want her to find out AFTER the fact that she asked me to do something for her that involved going up and down stairs several times, not realizing that it meant an awful night to follow. That's just a made-up example, but can you imagine how she'd feel?

And the kicker is (sorry, Kicker)--just as I think I have a good balance and have everybody that needs to know appropriately informed....VOILA! My symptoms change!!

[Kitty]

I know what you mean, B2Y. It's indeed a balancing act.

My oldest son asked me the other day what I'd like to do if I could choose anything. Go to the mall? Go out to eat? Go to the Laser Show at Stone Mountain? Go to the Zoo? Go to the Aquarium? There was more suggestions but you get the picture. All these activities (with the exception of going out to eat) require lots of walking.

I tried to explain to him how difficult it is for me to make plans for a later date because I never know how I'm going to feel on that particular day. You know what he said to me? He said "you never complain so we don't know when you're having a bad day".

Well, I really try not to complain because nobody can really do anything about it. I don't want to spoil their visit with griping. But maybe I need to start letting them know. How do you know when to speak up and when to stay silent? If I spoke up each time I was uncomfortable that's all I'd be doing!

Where's the happy medium?

[Dejibo]

im too tired, sore, and run down to even take a walk today. I dont wanna cowboy up, and I am to the point that I dont care what others think when I am having a down day.

[kicker]

I want everyone to understand and treat me carefully

or

I want to be treated like just another human being

or

Why don't hey listen and understand

or

Everyone has their own sad story, nobody wants to hear mine and really do I want to hear theirs?

or

........

Depends when you ask me.

[tkrik]

It is so hard to explain. It is a balancing act. People who do not live with a chronic condition really don't understand, regardless if you "try" to explain it to them or not. Even those that see you on a daily basis have a hard time understanding. And, MS is tricky. We can feel good one day, or minute, and awful the next. That makes it more difficult to explain.

Most of the time, I don't bother to explain. I just say, "I'm having a bad day" and leave it at that. It's much easier. Most of those that I am close to understand that and know what it means.

Hang in there B2Y and when you find the balance in "explaining" let us know.

[Debbie D]

I have given up on trying to get others to understand.

When I DO tell people I have been dxd with MS, I get the "Well, you look great, I know someone who's in a WC, yadayada..."

I get tired of telling DH how I am feeling. I know he means well and is concerned, but just leave it alone. I feel like a hypochondriac...

My sxs are mainly pain, spasticity, incontinence, and cog problems. Not much that is very revealing, unelss you're inside my body.

I frankly just want to forget I have it, and live a normal life. Fat chance

[SallyC]

Faggeddabouditt Blessings, nobody in your "normal" life is gonna get it, especially those who tell you to "cowboy up".

I had to laugh, for some reason the "Cowboy up"" reminded me of my Father. He always said, you do what you have to do".....true, but grrrrrrrr

The only time I complain is when it's an emergency situation....like, having to call 911. Otherwise I'm just one of the crowd and talking to deaf ears.

I do my biotching raht cher!!