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-   -   the heat and the ignorance (https://www.neurotalk.org/multiple-sclerosis/191845-heat-ignorance.html)

jnewk 07-26-2013 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NurseNancy (Post 1002288)
well, honestly, it sounds like this friend may have to be dismissed by you.
you could try a serious sit down 1 to 1 talk.
you could try giving her some printed MS info on the subject.
or just con't to ignore her but set firm limits based on your knowledge of your body.

after all this is accomplished for you start to keep your distance. if she asks anything tell her the truth.

the summer can be a danger for me too. if i get too hot i can almost be paralyzed. my legs and muscles don't work and i get short of breath.

have you tried any cooling devices? collars? vests? they're not a cure but do help.

Thanks for your reply Judy. I do use cooling aids....an ice pack packed stuffed in my bra works wonders!

I believe that my friend is more blatant about her dismissing and her ignorance because of her mental illness...in general she has no real sense of empathy. And I know that....it just chaps me sometimes when I'm feeling esp vulnerable...like moving in 108 degrees. But I will get thru it. And I have taken time off from most of the people who do that to me. In fact, I didn't speak with her for a year because of her behavior.
I really appreciate your thoughts so thank you.
janet

jnewk 07-26-2013 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparky10 (Post 1002446)
You explained it all right here. You can explain your situation with 8x10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, but you can't change her personality. You might try blaming your heart condition more than the MS but I doubt that will change anything.

Try giving her the job of watching out for you. Maybe if she feels needed for something important, to concentrate her attention on your symptoms, she'll quit dismissing them.

Good luck! How frustrating it must be to have such a good friend who is so irritating. :(

So true Sparky....a good friend with some extremely annoying traits. I know its her mental illness. She does her best to be a good friend its just her issues get the best of her (as my issues do me) hers happens to be mental illness mine is neurological. but damn it just gets to me sometimes. And shes not the only one of course.

I do appreciate that I can come here and ***** about it and be heard. sometimes I feel so damn isolated. so thank you.

jnewk 07-26-2013 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty (Post 1002456)
It's so frustrating to be made to feel like you have to explain every last thing to people. :rolleyes: I have friends and some family members who try to offer suggestions and/or alternatives when I say I can't do something. As much as I know they are just trying to help it gets so tiring to have to explain my reasons over and over again. I've gotten to the point where I don't even tell anyone if I'm feeling bad or need something but can't go out to get it. It's a very isolating feeling. I really hope your "friend" shapes up.

Thanks Kitty....yes its so isolating isn't it? and I also have to keep explaining the same stuff over and over. And I know its because they can't "see" it. But damn I wish they would try to remember. Not going to happen but I can wish.

Kitty 07-26-2013 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jnewk (Post 1002662)
Thanks Kitty....yes its so isolating isn't it? and I also have to keep explaining the same stuff over and over. And I know its because they can't "see" it. But damn I wish they would try to remember. Not going to happen but I can wish.

I just say the same thing to everyone......"I can feel it more than you can see it". That seems to work - most of the time.

tkrik 07-26-2013 12:44 PM

Like with most things, it's hard to explain to someone what we feel if they have not experienced it themselves. Kelly gave a great response. You could easily say that you feel the heat more than others and it's just part of the disease and then drop the subject without further explanation. I find that simple statements like that work best.

Good luck with your move. :hug:

JoanB 08-13-2013 06:29 PM

Yea for Alice's Restaurant reference!
 
Quote:

You explained it all right here. You can explain your situation with 8x10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, but you can't change her personality
Off to the Group W bench with you, Sparky!

Don't mind me, I just meandered over here from the PN forum because they found lesions on my spine and are pointing me toward an MS dx now.

I'm sorry that your friend is being so frustrating, jnewk. Whether it turns out that I have MS or not, you have my sympathy. There's no shortage of idgits where neurological problems are concerned. Some of them are even medical practitioners. :mad:

ANNagain 08-13-2013 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoanB (Post 1006983)
Off to the Group W bench with you, Sparky!:

A reference to Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant." :):):)
ANN

Mariel 08-13-2013 11:16 PM

My normal temperature is betwee 96.5 and 97.5. When I'm at 97.5 I congratulate myself for being so warm. But I do suffer from heat just as we all do.
It really changes one's inner self to have to always explain. I wait for the right moment, never telling people over and over again, but making it really clear when I have to. Even raising my voice to get their attention. With some people, it never works.

My poor grandma, my father's mother, had 14 abdominal scars from exploratory operations to find the source of her pain. She showed my mom her scars and my mom thought she was a hypochondriac. My mom thought my father was one too, as he had the same problem, and then I became the hypochondriac dujour. We all had Porphyria, undiagnosed until late in my life,never in my grandma or father's life. So we live with this inner wound all our lives, shrugging it off sometimes, other times taking it philosophically, and sometimes yelling loud enough to be heard!!!

SallyC 08-14-2013 11:12 AM

So sorry Murial. Just think about all of Ancestors before us, who
had MS and were thought of as crazy or malingerers.:eek::(

Mariel 08-14-2013 05:08 PM

Sally, I actually cry sometimes about an ancestor who had MS, not a direct ancestor but my dad's cousin. He drowned. He had a wife and daughter. I met him once. But I cry that I didn't know him better. I remember him stumbling out of our doorway when I was five years old. I have never forgotten. His name was Adrian Delsman. I wish I had some contact with his family. It was a large clan--eight siblings. I did go to a funeral of the last of his siblings, and the rest of them seemed to be very healthy, but as we know that can be misleading.


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