I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't know what's wrong with me. Everyone talks about that if you're sick, then you need to get help. Yet at the same time, trying to get help is more harder to find than probably finding the cure for your disease. You have to have money in order to get help - Today I woke up with one of the worse headaches and stomach aches I've ever had. I spent hours in the bathroom, mainly diaerrha and gas. I went to sleep last night around 3am, woke up at 2pm today with that pain. I tried to get my mother to carry me to another ER but she told me no. So I went to sleep around 5pm.

I had the most realest dream I've ever had - I was in the same position I was when I went to sleep, lying on my stomach. My grandmother had came into the room trying to ask me something, but I was pointing to my mouth because I coudln't speak. She didn't understand what I was trying to say, and then left the room. I was angry, but I couldn't show it - I felt paralyzed. Then I had started hearing voices - then a girl with toys in her hands, and a light in the middle of her showed up at my bed side.

I wasn't afraid - I reached out to try and touch her but she vanished and something weird happened to me. like a shock. I managed to crawl out of bed on my stomach, crawling to my door - I opened it and my grandmother was out there. She didn't seem too concerned, like I was "faking it" but then I just collasped. I then felt a warm blanket cover me - thats when I woke up with the blanket on me.

I can't even tell if this was real or not. I'm just so tired of hurting and no one caring. I understand that it gets bothersome when you're trying to look after someone for a few days but when it comes to months, I know the caretaker whomever that may be gets tired of it. All I have is an MS Center appt on Aug 19th. But I've tried to get it closer. Don't these people know how bad I hurt everyday?

In reality I've heard voices and music in the distance - I feel like I'm losing my sanity. Yes I spent most of my waking hours in front of a computer, but that is where I find the most peace at. Everyone else gives me hell and confusion and drama. I've wanted to date again now after my divorce, but it seems that its better to die alone and live alone.

One of the private things I haven't mentioned on here was last year in October, I talked to my pastor. I had just been through a divorce and 2 back to back surgeries - I was tired of living. So I told him I needed help - so he said best thing is to go through a hospital to see if they have help there - I spent 8 hours in a room secured by a guard - then after that I was shipped off to a crisis unit for 3 days. The only thing I tried all before this was take 11 pills of melatonin with hopes that I wouldn't wake up.

I'm not sucidal now, no - I'm just tired of not being cared for by the hospitals and doctors. I'm tired of my family telling me that they are not taking me to a different ER because they won't really help you. MY neuro didn' help me, the one who even dxed me with MS.

My question is now what do I do to get some doctors attention that I really need help? Are they even waiting for me just to die so they don't have to do anything?

I'm sick and tired of waiting for help when I need it now.

Doctors can only help us with what they know and have learned.
There is no cure for MS and there is no cure for pain. Our Docs
can only find us some relief, not total relief. We oldsters with
MS have learned, that we must cope with a lot of the mean
sx of the disease.

Take a deep breath, try to take control of your feelings,
let your Doc help you as he/she is able to do and then
deal with it the best you can. Enjoy every part of every
day, as you are able. Laugh at life/the pain and tell your
self to be happy. stress and sorrow will only bring you
more stress and sorrow and bring the people around
you down, also.

We are all in the same boat here and I wish you well..

But thats the point - Where are the doctors when you need them the most??!?!

Take a deep breath, let it out, and do it again. Nice slow deep breathing.

Now, it sounds to me that you have several things going on at once. The headache and diarrhea could be caused by a virus. You don't need to run a temperature to have a virus or infection. For the next few days, eat a bland diet and drink plenty of fluids so you don't dehydrate. Also, some of the meds you are on can cause both a headache and diarrhea. Check out the side effects listed for the medications. Since you started some new ones, check those first as they may be the culprit of the headache and/or diarrhea. Be careful taking baclofen and tramadol together as it can cause some serious side effects.

Most of us MSers live in some sort of pain every day. You are not alone in your pain. We do many things to manage the pain and finding the right combination of things is key. I know that Erika and I posted on a thread of yours about how we use distraction to manage our pain. Again, I strongly suggest you find something to distract you when you are starting to feel pain. Once you get in that pain cycle it is hard to break. Make a promise to yourself to not allow yourself to get in the cycle.

Some doctors are only as good as the patient. Learning about the pain caused by MS symptoms will help you be a calmer patient. I also suggest you talk to your PCP about the symptoms you are experiencing. Your pain is not being managed properly and you may need different medications.

Also, take a nice warm shower or bath before you go to bed. If I am able to get in the tub and someone is here to help me if needed, I take a nice Epsom salt bath. Epsom salt is great as it has magnesium and sulfate. It is easily absorbed through the skin and can help ease the pain of muscle spasms. In addition, it helps with tension and anxiety and helps you relax.

We've discussed the ER before. Most ERs don't do much for MSers. There really isn't much that they can do when it is just pain. I have been to the ER for pain and really all they do is try to treat the pain there and send me on my way with instructions to follow up with my neurologist. However, I have been admitted as well due to things like not being able to walk and being in a major flare. Don't rely on the ER to fix your pain. For a lot of us, the pain really never goes away. We've learned to just deal with it, as annoying as it may be.

Your doctors are there for you as well as your mom. You just need to relax as much as possible so that your support team (whether family, friends, and/or doctors) can help you. Again, I also suggest you talk to your dr about getting a GI consult as you may have something going on with your digestive tract (based on what you have posted).

Again, take deep breaths and relax. You are going to be okay and you'll find your way through all of this. Find that distraction and focus on that.

Tricia gave you some really good advice.

The more anxious you are the worse the pain feels. Everything seems worse when you're anxious and nervous.

Try to relax and, even if it's just for five minute stretches, tell yourself that you can make it till the 19th....or you can make it to the next 1/2 hour.....

Some of the symptoms you're describing do not sound like your typical MS symptoms. It sounds like a reaction to a medication or maybe just plain old anxiety. Stress and anxiety can manifest in lots of different ways.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but just try to stay calm and try not to focus on what's wrong. It's hard, I know, but most of us here with MS have to do this every minute of every day.

all the things said before me are true. this board can offer solid advice.

Imagine MS as a monkey on your back. We want the doctors to take the monkey away so we can leave without it. We know that won't happen.

The best we can do is listen and learn how to keep the monkey as quiet as possible. (DMDs exercise, meditation, therapy) It's different for everyone. Our work is to fine the solutions for ourselves, using the doctors expertise and the communities support.

Trust that you too will find what works to keep the monkey quiet. And should the monkey disable us further, then we find a way to incorporate that loss into our lives.
Best

I remember thinking that my symptoms were just not bad enough for doctors to take them seriously when I was mostly dealing with RRMS. I too thought that they didn't care or weren't making an effort to help me.
More recently, after going through a long unabating stretch of increasing symptoms, punctuated with a series of digestive problems that landed me in the OR, I came to realize that doctors will do what they can when symptoms arise that they have treatments for. Yet quite often, the doctors are just as frustrated as we are when symptoms arise that do not respond to treatment other than a level of symptom control.

That leaves us to deal with challenges that can not be remedied by medications and other treatments. Finding ways to cope as best we can includes becoming informed about symptoms (both physical and mental/emotional). As more information is gained, we can lay it upon our own terrain of symptoms and life style to see how it may or may not apply. Doing this may reveal ways to nip things in the bud and may also reveal ways to cope.

As mentioned in another thread, I caught myself having dark thoughts recently and knowing that is a symptom of depression, I looked into natural ways to deal with it before heading off to my PCP. I know that there may come a time when antidepressants may be needed but it seemed that I was just overwhelmed after going through a rough patch and finding myslef home alone to deal with the aftermath. In this instance, the solution was to go on a short trip and visit family. Yes, it was difficult to travel with a body that isn't always cooperating but both planning for that and actually taking the trip gave me something to do other than spending time with unwanted thoughts.

Some things may not work for you but some very well may. We have all learned that some symptoms don't go away, but it is important to experiment with ways of coping that allow you to live your life with meaningful purpose anyway.

Coming here to post is a valuable tool to share what we are going through and to both receive and provide the support that physicians, family and friends often just don't have the understanding to provide. I've come to realize that their lack of understanding is simply due to not having the personal experience of going through what we do on a day to day basis.
It most certainly does not mean that they don't care.

Embracing you with thoughts of encouragement. You can do this; especially if you remember that you are not alone. We are here for you and know what you are going through .

With love, Erika

My stomach used to hurt every single day. My PCP gave me Zoloft to help, and amazingly, it worked. He said the stress my body is under makes my serotonin off and is making it upset.

I think you and I are in the same boat lately, I think you said the same thing in one of my posts. We're in limbo land, waiting for our stupid appt to just get here!! I hate the waiting. I try to distract myself from thinking about it, which is much easier to do at home then at work. It seems when I'm sitting in front of a computer all day, I need distractions from work from time to time (need to reset my brain from numbers) but I always keep going back to my issues. At home I have the TV, cooking if I can do it (which has been less and less), my DD's needs, etc. Is there anything you can do to help distract you mind?

I get migraines a ton, and stress makes them worse. I get allergy headaches too. Pot helps the migraines, allergy meds help the other headaches. Pot helps my stomach, as well as my everyday aches and pains. It's a huge relief, but I'm also in CA where I have an RX. The meds I take besides that help the depression and PN.

I've been suicidal before, before I had an antidepressant that really worked for me. That made a HUGE change. I'm in horrible land like you, but I don't feel that need to just leave. If you get to that point again, please see somebody. Is there a clinic in your area that helps the uninsured? There is one here that you can pay $35 to get into see a real doc, but we're lucky to have it and I know it's not common. Just getting on an antidepressant will help your pain level. There are a ton of them that help pain.

You need some catharsis. What is yours? Mine is watching B horror movies. They crack me up! My husband's is first person shooting games. Some people it's just getting out and walking, destroying things, yoga, gardening, destroying things again, etc. Most people are like "oh, go meditate and listen to soft music", but I do the opposite. I'd rather listen to punk rock and do something with my hands. Unfortunately the hands part of it is off lately.

What are you eating? I know I feel a lot better when I've eaten something good. It doesn't help the pain in the slightest, but it helps my body work better. Are you getting out at all? As hard as it is, you'll feel a bit better after a little exercise.

Yes, doctors suck horribly and it's so hard to get into one. I think there are just not enough of them out there. I had the same issue trying to find a doc for my daughter (she has mild autism). Heck, I had the same issue trying to find an employee here at work who had the right experience and brains to do the job. There are just not enough smart people who can do that work. I'm glad I'm near one of those "centers of excellence", but I can't even find a neuro nearby. My PCP will just treat the immediate symptoms, and then tell me to see the neuro.

Find something to do to get your mind off of this. I think that'll help. Go find a 1000 piece puzzle, a new recipe, a plot of dirt that needs help, a book to read, etc. It'll take forever to get it done, but get your mind off the issues.

Hang in there dude. You're not to far off from your appointment with the MS specialist.

I was in the same boat around the time of my DX. Had 8 attacks within the first year of symptoms arising. Had tons of problems with my stomach, savage headaches all the time. But when I finally got to see my neurologist who specialized in MS, he made a huge difference for me.

Specialists make a huge difference compared to regular neurologists. I showed him my MRI results, and he said he didnt even need it after my exam, going through the attacks etc. He knew exactly what was wrong within 10 mins of talking the exam. He also took a stance at the bowel problems and headaches, labeling them at stress and anxiety, which he was dead on. I started light exercising and not worrying about all the health problems and all of them alleviated.

He also started me on a DMD right then, as he said, the quicker you start being aggressive with it, the better chance of it helping you. I to am young only 26 now, and it shattered me at first. But now I look back, and wonder why I worried so much. The pain I get now is managed by an antidepressant which helps with mood swings, nerve pain, and helps me sleep like a baby.

What im trying to say is you are almost there and once you see the specialist it will make a world of difference. Hang in there!

Used2Party - Wow, I'm glad you got a neuro who just listened. I'm hoping for the same, I'm sure Skywalker is too. A dx without the MRI, absolutely awesome (in that things-suck-but-you-just-want-answers version of awesome).

I have told that to my PCP, that early treatment helps and just got the "I can't prescribe it, it has to come from a neuro" speech. I've told my DH that, I've told myself that. Even if it's not MS, it's something that is at least kind of like that, and treatment needs to come right away, figuring out the label can come after. Is that correct? I just want to feel better.