I hear you Chris. That should answer Jena's question as well. Anger is most distructive if you either hold in and let it fester or use it to lash out at someone else. Otherwise, as you say, a healthy and natural response to something horrible foist upon us.

I didn't actually ask a question, lol, but that's ok That is basically what I was trying to say - letting anger get to the point where it DOES eat you up, can and will have a direct negative impact on our health, and that is just something we obviously don't need! I truely believe this.

I should also say that there are so many other things in my life: joy, contentment, laughter, love, appreciation and admiration for the people who care for me and have stuck with me throughout this terrible journey I am taking. Concern for them, too. MS does not happen in a vacuum. It's a sad and stressful experience for them to have to witness what is happening to me, yet they stay, offering comfort and help that is a lifeline to me. I am truly blessed by their presense in my life.

Amid the spiritual wreckage left by MS, they remind me that I still believe in love. That love is all that matters; as everything else is stripped away, love will remain.

Chris

You're right Chris, Sally and others -- When I'm angry, it's from frustration of this disease that has taken over my life and not at others. If I have a good cry, yell out a few d#%$& and other choice words to myself, it's getting rid of those feelings instead of turning them into ulcers or directing them at others.

Take yesterday for example....btw, Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's!! I knew none of my "kids" had plans to visit me so I kept my usual sleeping times of going to bed around 8 am and staying in bed til 6 pm or so. I'm not sleeping the entire time, in fact I watched/listened to most of the NASCAR race, but when I did wake up -- what a mess!! Guess I don't realize my bladder being full anymore, couldn't get to the bathroom in time anyway, hurts like h&** to move, legs completely stiffen out, etc. I do have a good-sized waterproof pad on my bed, wear that "beautiful designer underwear", but apparently it's not enough. Feel like my kids as babies in the morning when their diapers would leak and everything, including them, was wet and smelly. Now isn't that something to get mad about!? I think so!!!!

Ask for help?? Who?? No adult kids in the area, no one comes in on a daily basis, my two friends are here Wednesdays and even though they say "call if I need anything", lately there have been logical reasons why they couldn't.

Anger.......hurt......sub-human feelings......one Mothers Day phone call when I was sleeping and two email cards, neither of which I could read with the web tv. This disease has taken me away from my family so naturally I'm no longer included in many of their social, family plans. But when they need something, I'm first in line trying to help even though anything physical is no longer possible. Financial, yes, and it gives me great pleasure......my love for them is still there.

They have no clue what daily life is like for their mom.....I love them, but can still become quite angry with them at the same time. If this disease wasn't here, at 63, I'd be enjoying time with them and my beautiful grandkids. Anger -- feeling "left out" -- frustrated -- of course, and MS is to blame.

Im with sallyc, I don't think I could have said it any better. this has all been very,very humbling, and although that has been painfull for me I know in my heart it has also produced a great amount of growth. thank you for the post!

I really love the way you put this Cricket I am also so very thankful for what this has taught me. And I could go on and on about how much we have ALL grown, but...

Cricket, how did you daughter respond to the showering of gifts? How old is she? I am just curious to know how it affected her...

"Ask for help?? Who??" I hear this, having been in much the same sort of predicament several times. And even when someone is available, there are rules of courtesy. Sometimes Lisa, having happened to come in my place after one of my prolonged struggles with something ridiculously simple, will ask in exasperation, "Why didn't you just call me?!" Because if I did, she'd be over here 24/7 -- or close enough. Everything in my world is a prolonged struggle. I like to reserve the calls for help for siuations that are outright impossible.

Chris

Lol, I was wondering what you guys were referring to when you kept saying "Ask for help?? Who??", and I am now guessing it is me, since I think I am the only one to say anything about help!

BUT, that is not at all the kind of help I was speaking of. When I said
"There really is help and resources out there that I believe we can truely benefit from", at the time we were speaking of "anger", so not sure how that got "lost in translation", but no worries. I was offering a friendly reminder to all, especially newbies, that there are so many resources to receive help with anger, depression, anxiety, etc... issues that come with having a chronic illness. Many find that weekly therapy, whether it be group or private, can be just what they need to try and overcome these things.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify

Jena:

My daughter was 5 at the time. She has Coffin-Lowry syndrome and her IQ is below the 1st percentile. She is verbal but lacks the cognitive skills to understand.

She was tickled with the gifts. Because she has no short term memory she didn't understand where they came from. I did take her to the mall and she said thank you to the volunteers who gave us Christmas.

Her mom (my second child) has CL too. Because she doesn't understand she was fair game for any guy that came along. Her mental challenges put her at the edge, so I was unable to get guardianship. She had five children, not one 'father' accepted responsibility. There is a 50/50 chance they would inherit her gene. Unfortunately all five did. We took Tasha when she was a few months old. The boys (all younger) were adopted or became Crown wards.

She is the reason I keep fighting for a quality of life. When my husband asked me to leave he predicted I would not be able to manage on my own with her. It has been a challenge but so far I have proven him wrong. She deserves to have a caregiver who can meet her emotional and physical needs and more. She will never read or write or even be able to live in a group home. Like this illness, she has given me much more than I can give her (although there are days I don't feel that way )

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Wow, that is really an inspiring story You must struggle so much, specially with you having to deal with all the sx's that come with having MS (I know you are not dx'ed yet, but doesn't quite matter when you FEEL like you do).

Your last statement is very understandable, and it only means that you are human! I wanted you to know that I admire your strength

(sorry, but I am confused as to who's daughter she is, as it sounds like you adopted her? and your daughter has CL too? So sorry, maybe my cognitive skills are out of whack today! lol)