That's a good sign that you were approved for medical. I hope that the non-medical stuff gets approved soon.

Thanks Sally and Tkirk! :grouphug:

I am hoping this does mean good things to come.

I realized lately, that I am becoming slightly depressed.

I think it's the whole still not having my OWN house, not being to pay my way through life on my own, of course all the health issues, and some of it is jealousy...

Jealousy that my boyfriend doesn't have to do anything. nothing at all. He has one chore and that's take out the trash and he usually 'forgets' to do it.

I love him dearly, but am seriously questioning life with him at this point. I should be the one laying in bed while someone else is doing the laundry, the dishes, taking care of cats (that aren't even mine), trying to clean the bathroom. The list is endless. And I understand that men don't do much, but I think I would rather be all alone and have my own house and have it clean the way that I want it to be. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I realize that that is the ONE thing that I get mad about everyday.. doing ALL the house work while he lays in bed all day. I don't want kids. That's ONE of the MANY reasons I dont want kids, ever. I don't want to be cleaning up their messes all day and that's what I do with my boyfriend and his mom. And it drives me up a flipping wall!

I force that smile on my face, even if I am not feeling it.


I feel fake smiles will induce a real smile at some point right? :rolleyes:

My rant up there makes me feel like a really bad person.

His mom does alot for me so that's why I try to do all that I can to help out, but she's very careless and will trash the kitchen in 30 seconds after I had spent 4 hours cleaning it.

I just am thinking it's not fair to me to live a miserable life on top of MS because I can't 'adapt' to their lifestyles. I don't approve of half-buttin anything. If I can do it 100% with MS there is absolutely no excuse for all the dishes to still be dirty.. or for there still to be crap on the countertop after wiping it down.

I've been living here for 4 years.. and still not have adapted and still get mad about the same stuff everyday.. so I am thinking that I prolly never will adapt if I haven't at this point... Maybe I am just a crazy person with OCD :rolleyes:

What happens when you do only your own laundry and dishes? I know that's so hard to do, leave all those messy dishes, but will they react at all? Have you talked to each of them about this? It's probably pointless.

What does your BF do for work? It sounds like he's not working, if not, why?

Don't feel bad about not wanting kids. There are a lot of people out there that'll give you grief over that. If I didn't have one already, I'd be in the same boat. My brother and sis-in-law are DINKs and I love to see their freedom! I have 7 more years ha ha. I love my daughter more than anything, but I'm not good at sharing and an introvert. I never ever get a day alone anymore. There are more then enough kids out there!!!

I have a huge issue with my DH supporting me, and he's a SAHD. In the last couple months he's gotten so much better at helping out, it wasn't until he could actually SEE something that made him help. Maybe it was me not being able to cook or me accidentally cutting a plant vine. Me being forced to cut back made him help.

But your partner and his mom do see things happening to you. They know you have mobility issues. What happens if it got worse? What happens if you have the flu, do they help then? Or do you get sandwiches and cereal like I've gotten? Do they have chore lists? Can you write something out? Or can they pay for help to clean the kitchen and hard stuff? You shouldn't have to do it alone.

If you BF is like this now, he's going to be like this later. Don't expect it to change. I should have realized it myself the first time I walked into DH's house when we met and he had a week's worth of dishes on the counter.

I feel like it will never change either.. and I don't want him to change who he is. So it makes me really wonder if we are meant to be.

I've thought about making a chore list, but since I am living in someone else's house I feel it would be super improper of me.

He gets upset when I clean. He says it's taking time away from our future and that its gonna get messy again. WELL DUH! its called being an adult and having responsibilities. His mother is the reason for his laziness. He's never had to even wash a cup in his life. She's always payed his way through life.

He quit his job in February. and yes, does not work. Which drives me nuts. I WANT TO BE WORKING but I can't... he is fully able, but doesn't.

He doesn't have to pay bills or anything.

On my 21st Birthday, right before MS came into my life.. I had figured my finances and would be able to be out on my own with school in my schedule by the time I turned 22.

I turn 26 in a month. :(

We get along well. Never fight. But maybe that's because I keep my mouth shut with the issues.

This is FAR FROM the life that I wanted.

I think, whenever he wakes up, that I will have a very long, serious, adult conversation with him about this matter.

I'm pretty sure 98% of women would NEVER put up with this crap.

Everyone has the capacity to change their behaviour...but I think that the desire must come from within if the change is to take place without resentment or conflict.
It sure doesn't hurt to suggest definite ways to go about that though.

To avoid him perceiving critisism, you might open the conversation by saying something like, "I'd like to improve our relationship so please tell me something that I do, or don't do that I can change that would help that to come about."
As hard as it may be, if it is reasonable, try to accomodate it. Then maybe when he sees that you are doing what he suggested, he might come to you with the same sort of request.

With love, Erika

Hi Erika
 

Loved your post. You said that perfectly. There is always hope for behavior change. I would only add, when all your efforts fail, and you give the 100% to your doctor, move on if he doesn't change. ginnie:I-Agree::Good-Post:

I taught my 4 kids to do their own laundry when they entered high school. Every child had a chore to do in the house (they ALL hated poop patrol in the yard:)). I wanted each child (especially my 3 boys) to be able to care for themselves when they left the nest.

We teach what we expect from others; I expected a lot from the kids (not so much from DH, but he's the repairman of the house and we never call one in-he does all of the remodeling, etc.-so I didn't demand much from him in terms of cleaning). He helps out more now, especially since I'm having so much trouble with my legs and pain levels. But he still has a tendency to walk away from the dinner table and go sit in front of the TV. If I ask he'll jump up right away and help, but I don't. See, I get what I expect...

You are heightening your stress levels by swallowing your anger and resentment-and stress increases your symptoms. I would have a very honest conversation with him. Not to paint yourself as a victim, but that you expect help. Plain and simple. It is obvious that he comes from a family that doesn't put a premium on cleanliness and order in the house. Not a judgement, just an observation. I came from that kind of household, and for many years I was Kathy Kitchen, with a spotless house-and kids parked in front of the TV:( My priorities were upside down....should have done more with them...

And if you have any doubts at all about your future with him, you need to have a plan for YOUR future without him. You need to take care of yourself too...

No match is made in Heaven, IMO...you both need to find out what is important to each of you in life, and acknowledge whether or not you can work it out...

Keep us informed, and you are not in anyway to apologize for examining your feelings and situation with your virtual friends here at NT-that's what it's all about-we all get it here...

Thank you so much Debbie and Erika

I took both of your advice and just got done with a nice long chat.

He really does only want me to do what makes me happy and that's rare in people nowadays.

We discussed our future. What I want and what he wants. We set goals so we can get a house in the future (his dad owns property so we can hopefully work out a rent to own situation). He said he still doesn't want me cleaning our house like a madman. Which is totally fine cuz I will be able to start a clean home and keep it from piling up dirt n dust. I get that I wont be able to have it perfect, but I wont have to worry about having a counterproductive roommate anymore.

I feel horrible for having the doubts I did about him. He said he will try not to leave messes behind. I agreed to be patient.

I read my messages above and I sound like a horrible person.
I want to say..
I am so grateful for this life.
im grateful to be able to get out of bed.
for my family. My friends.
for the roof over my head.
the clothes and shoes on my feet.
im grateful for all the bad times, for they strengthen me and remind me just how fortunate of a soul I am.

I hate that I get in these funks. They tend to turn me rather mean and angry. That's not who I am.

I appreciate you all and all the wonderful support and strength you all give me.
im sorry if i came off as hateful and ungrateful.
Todays a new day <3

Wow, you're a strong woman-and I'm glad you took the time and talked with your loved one.
I sometimes feel as if I'm in permanent PMS mode:rolleyes: Then I take a few moments to do a gratitude checklist and realize how blessed my life has been even with this stupid health stuff. I am loved by wonderful people; I have a great DH who is my best friend; I have wonderful kids, and in this day and age that is a lot to feel thankful for.

I try to begin each day with a thank you to the Creative Spirit for a new day, and ask for strength to love, serve and live my life to the fullest. By 10 am it's difficult to remember that;) But I try...

I'm glad you sat and talked about goals. That is one thing we never did, and I regret that. DH's sister & BIL sat down and made 5 year goals. They've had a great life. We just kind of meandered along like pin balls...now we are more active in talking out our future, especially now that the inlaws are at rest.

So, I am glad you have resolved some issues...it's difficult as well, living in someone else's home. Once you are on your own, you & BF will be able to set your priorities in your home, which is so much easier.

Now you need to take care of yourself and figure out what the heck you can get done to feel better!!

Good to see you had a long talk
 

Good to see you had a long talk. Talking is a great thing. Talking with loved ones is even better.

I myself have so few family members. Both my parents were only children. So I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins. My wife is an only child. I have no in-laws at all. We have just each other, our 2 sons, and 3 grandchildren. I have a brother 1500 miles away, and his ex-wife and 2 kids. That is the ENTIRE family.

For my problem, I found a resident doctor at a hospital that spent 2 hours with me. We still do not know what is going on, but are working on a best guess that I may be having, "Complex Hemiplegic Migraines." They resemble a stroke but are not. Trying a med that MAY help if this is what it is. Maybe!

Good luck and keep trying. Don't beat yourself up over a rough spell - Just keep talking.

:grouphug:

Things between he and I have been so awesome since we talked. Woke up yesterday had my coffee brewed fresh baked blueberry muffins cats feed watered and box cleaned. And he even had cleaned the dishes! He's so amazing. I feel so stupid for not saying anything to him for so long.

Debbie- I totally feel the same. Especially with waking up and being so grateful for everything then by 10, having a different perspective. I feel like alot if not most of that is from frustration stemming from or relating to this crap disease.


Still super numb and have fallen a few times. Took a really nasty fall the other day. My back is killing me today from it. And still haven't heard from ss. But things are much better and my spirit has definitely been lifted. :)

He doesn't work, just great. How can anyone over the age of 20 NOT work and want to buy stuff, live independently of the "folks" with their GF's? Wish I could still work at my job, impossible now and desperately trying to figure out WTH I can do for work. SUCKS! I'm too old for this crap! looking for another "MS compatible carrer"

Use a walking stick for the falls.....who cares....you're going to get hurt badly if ya don't.

I am most definitely going to use a cane.. im falling at least once a day. And that's just at home. I haven't stepped outside for a few days as its over 100 where im at.

My bf doesn't work, but is doing glass art like marbles.pendants.wine stoppers etc.
he's sold a few things so far
He's pretty talented considering how early in the game he is.
I honestly think he has the potential to be big one day.
he said he's going to get a job so we can start our future.
I support him in the lampworking as this has been a dream of his since we were in high school.

Today, I think I will decorate my cane. As crazy as this sounds, if it has my flair to it I might feel slightly less embarrassed by it.
and instead of looking drunk, people will see the cane and know that I have some type of disability versus looking like an alcoholic by staggering into the grocery store at noon.

I feel im getting deeper into this new flare.. still super numb but couldn't do anything yesterday. I slept for prolly 20 hrs off and on.today isn't as bad so im thinking some healing action went down in all that sleep.

So many days wasted away by ms.:rolleyes:

Have your BF do the decor of your cane. My DH was an Artist,
Signwriter & Pinstriper and supported us in style!!! He also
carved, decorated and gold leafed my cane..:D

Eric, hope your cane is waterproof and doesn't have any sharp
instruments attached. (rubber raft, ya know.):D:p:D

AynaDee,

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I'm also sorry to have to tell you this, but if you are falling every day, then you've likely already passed the point at which a cane would be appropriate. Balance that is that poor cannot be compensated for enough with a cane. A rollator or walker would be more appropriate (especially if out of the house.)

Have you had a PT evaluation for a mobility assessment? That is what I would recommend. I am an OT and my dh is a PT and he agrees that more than just a cane is probably needed.

Again, so sorry you are going through this.

I agree with this as a normal "one legged" cane may not be enough. If you have to put a lot of weight on it as you walk, then it could slip out. A 4 legged cane may be better and a walker/rollator will *admin edit*, because it screams "Disabled DISABLED!! . I used a normal walker last winter when I had an extreme flare and I hated it. Starring, questions, special "baby talk" treatment like I were retarded or someting:rolleyes: I hated the attention a walker brought. Most of it is because we are young and walkers aren't usually associated with young people. People get very curious when they see young people using a walker when out and about and not in a hospital.

I don't beet around the bush, Anyadee....it sucks if you have to use one and it will be some time before you get comfortable bringing it out in public. I myself don't care anymore...My cane lets me be safe and independent and yes it helps to say to others "i'm not drunk, I have some problems" but even then I am not caring what people think anymore, cane or not...think I am drunk? I don't care....watch me get in my car and drive drunk!!

Surprised someone hasn't called the cops on me yet!!:eek::D

But yes, once a day is too much...yerr going to get hurt.... Get an evaluation and have them set you up with a device... They'll even teach you how to properly use a cane and get it to the right height... Mine is blue and a bunch of my friends signed the shaft:eek:;) with silver marker.... means a lot to me.

So go decorate and have fun doing that....

It sure sounds like you definitely need something - and soon before you break a hip, or a leg - or your neck - and end up even worse.

Professional advice sounds like a great idea - even though you may not like what you hear.

Much love, and so sorry that you are going through this.

xx

Unfortunately in this country if you have no insurance, the only alternative is the ER. And chronic symptoms like yours will probably not be addressed in the ER, IMO.

Sally- your cane your hubby carved for you sounds sooooo wicked! Walkin in style!!:cool:
My boyfriend is quite the artist so I may have him make it purty for me :)

My bf is concerned with me using the cane as he fears that I will still fall, so im thinking he's on the same page with needing to use a walker.

Im really getting angry with how many times a day I hurt myself.
At least, so far this ummer, I haven't given myself anymore black eyes.
gave myself my first black eye ever last summer by losing balance and connecting my right eye with the corner of a metal chair. I thought for sure I was gonna lose my eyeball on the way down, jusssst missed it, thank goodness!

I haven't been evaluated. My doctors say 'oh wow! Do you use any assistance?' My reply is 'of course! I use walls, countertops, doorways, dig my toes into the ground, or my bf supports the right side' none have ever sent me for evaluation or recommended anything.

I agree with Debbie about the ER. That really is my only way of getting some kind of help.

Bad thing with that is there are never any tests done. Just hook me up to some dripping roids.

When I experienced diplopia and nystagmus in dec no tests were done and none of that was documented in my file. I feel like those are semi serious and should most definitely be on file.

Hopefully those two things will never happen again. Made me feel kinda crazy. I knew what I was seeing wasn't really happening but when every inanimate object around me was wiggling and moving, it gets pretty trippy. And nauseas.

Weather will be in the 80s this week so maybe ill get to go outside at some point!! :D

Aynadee,

The NMSS has a "lending closet." They may have a walker that you can use/have.

There is also the MSF and the MSAA- I think I have that right. At least one of them has gifts of equipment for those in need. I'd say you are in need.

And, if you have a PennySaver type of paper in your area, there are often many offers for medical equipment. Or, you can take a look a Craig's list for walkers.

Best to you,
ANN

I got mine at a thrift store for 4 dollars..... Medline with the front wheels, aluminum and extra thick grips... They have piles of those things there.

Here is the link to the MSAA Assistive Equipment page. Scroll to the bottom of the page and look under Equipment Distribution. You can fill out the online application and they will get in touch with you to verify what you need. It's a great resource and I have personally used it. :)

http://mymsaa.org/msaa-help/cooling/

You can also call local home health agencies. I used to work in home health and we had a storage building filled with donated equipment that we would provide to others in need. I hope you find something good really soon.

Goodwill will traditionally provide you what is needed if a doctor orders it and Catholic charities or your local hospital traditionally have free supply closets (donated equipment) available for the asking.

It also helps to put up a flier at church (people ill help if they are asked:))

or look in the classifieds section of the paper or scout yard sales for cheap medical equipent.

Good luck!

Hi jprin
 

Great Post. So many of us have discovered where help is. Keep passing on the information. Also most towns have a "womens'" center, where they can direct you to the best source of help. ginnie:I-Agree::You-Rock::Thanx: