The pride thread by Chris66 has had me thinking a lot about what makes us want to help others, and what makes us want to refuse help. It's a tough nut to crack and I'm sure we have many unique situations among us.

I recently met a friend whose MS is rearing its ugly head at her in many similar ways as mine does me. I have one speed, slow. My friend is stuck in the creeper gear too, and as often as I refuse help and get annoyed by others who want to help me do things faster, I found myself eager to jump in and help her somehow.

The feeling that I needed to somehow help her, with no regard for the reality that I can do no better, really sunk in on me. I felt rather muddled as it struck me that my thoughts leapt so quickly to the "fix-it" mode when I, myself, detest that kind of treatment.

I've had an awakening of compassion for those around me in my daily life. There is an enormous sense of powerlessness that I'd never before recognized. I think I felt much the way my family and friends must feel as they watch me decline and have no way to slow or ease my progression. I can only imagine the frustration they must feel, knowing how frustrated I can get, and how much more I've accepted this lot in my life than they.

I think I've just walked a mile in the others' moccasins.

You are truly a wonderfully sensitive and compassionate person. Your family is lucky to have you and yes, I bet its tough on them to see your daily struggles. Sometimes I think its harder to be the caregiver than the patient.

Thank you, BBS, you give me far too much credit, I'm still learning how to be a grown-up. I think you're right on that it's harder to be the caregiver, whenever the latest bashing of disease happens to me, I often think of how glad I am that it's me and not one of mine going through this.

NOPE not to much credit at all......shes everything you say BBS and more....
I know personally.......and I know if she says she had an awakening then the earth must have shook.......we have talked alot about this very topic....how it pains me that I cant help her (cuz she doesnt want it) now she understands and I am overjoyed about that.......

AMN does that mean I have to hold the door open for ya now instead of lettingit slam in your face?????lolOr that I can go ahead and help ya up when ya fall instead of putting my foot on your tummy shouting Queen of the MT????

Luv,
Kay

I grew up with a disabled father He had a severe case of Rheumatoid arthritis, WE six kids learned when to offer help and when he did not want help. If he wanted help, he would ask for it. WE had a buzzer system installed in every house we lived in, and we frequently used it to summon each other. I was three short buzzes, my older brother was two short, my younger brother was four short. My Father did not stray too far from one of the buzzers And all of us could recognize his buzzes, and often his mood too from the way he buzzed.
I know how fortunate I was and still am to have had a disabled father. He thought me how to be sick, what I should and should not do. And I can absolutely confirm that disease strikes everyone in the house, whether they want it or not. For all of us, it was alway a pleasure and an honor when you were called to help him
and that taught me not to be afraid to ask for help. If you need help, people will happily respond. If you do not ask, you can deprive them along with yourself, and that's foolish. When I asked my father about it, he said that many people do not allow the sick to do what they can, and it robs sick people of some of their dignity...which is he other side of the coin.

God bless ya Michael. My feelings exactly! It was a gift to be able to help care for my father during his final stages and ultimate death from Alzheimer's.

Cindy is a very wise person regardless of how much she says she isn't. As Kay says, once you meet her, you know how much instantly!

Michael, you have said so much in your post that hit home. My dad also had RA and would not let anyone help him. He was as stubborn as I am and also taught me a lot about when not to ask for help and when to be sick and let someone else help you. I spent the last 2 weeks of his life sitting by his bedside. That was the best (and worst) 2 weeks of my life.

Thank you for the reminder, both you and Cindy.

*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

Thanks, Michael, it helps to know that helping doesn't bother others as much as asking bothers me. I just feel that if I can do it, I want to do it until it's just impossible.

I've just had an old friend in town for a couple days and had a wood project I needed to do, she decided that we would devote one of our only 2 days together to tackle it and finish it. We had such a good time and her legs helped so much. She did tell me that she was thrilled that I let her help me in a meaningful way.

I'm just so accustomed to being the one at the beck and call of everyone else. Ugh, it's just the way I'm wired, or something.


FFM, you may continue to push me over and let rocks fall on my head, it's too fun to watch your face!

Stop flattering me, you dingbats, I'm still a hag and Cec' will attest to it!

No flattery coming from me..... ha! I know how stubborn you are AMN, as I'm like that too. I detest asking for help and hate the defeat I feel when I finally relent and have to ask. I AM the one who is supposed to take care of everyone else.... When did that sneak up on me and change?????

Hope your'e getting a little R and R now that your'e by yourself (not to forget Dad too).

Try not to get into any trouble for a couple of days...... RELAX!!

*I can vouch for the "hag" title*

I personally have not had the pleasure of meeting AMN face to face but I have been helped by her from a distance and I am dearly thankful for her..... a little pushy but she did help!

I have had a hard time dealing with the fact that I at times need help. I hate to even ask DBF to open a jar or bottle for me but since my hands have grown weak I at times need to. He tells me "it is ok to ask for help" but I being the stubborn female I am can't seem to grasp that....