Thank you for all of your suggestions and support. I often wake up cursing my undeadness as well or like this morning when my husband asked how he could help I said kill me now and end my shame. Them I go read to my son to wake him up and feel hopeful again.

I am volunteering at my son's school to read to children who need extra help. I start Friday.

My biggest problem that causes my depression is fecal incontinence. I's been 18 months so far and it keeps me tethered to my home. I was finally sent to Stanford and am in the process of testing and have a surgical consult next month.

Btw what is secondary progressive with out progression?

Ha! Beats the heck out of me

My Neurologist said I had transitioned to Secondary Progressive MS (SPMS) based on my stable MRIs and stable Neurological exams for quite some years. The "without" progression is apparently a 5% category and is based on the above as well as how long I have had MS. Without progression means I shouldn't get any worse than I already am.

However, I am very skeptical of "SP without progression" I mean, MS is considered a progressive disease...right

Anyway, I have a new Neurologist as mine retired last year so this as well as the possibility that I am still Relapsing/remitting will be discussed at my next appointment this summer.

ker0pi are you going to try an antidepressant? Please know they can help.

Yes I've decided to try anti depressants. Just need to decide which one to try first.