[Starznight]

I already get a little upset just in thinking of switching doctors especially after finding one that I like and that I can communicate openly with and really discuss my health without in a placating or the "I'm the one that went to medical school" kind of way. But a doctor who recognizes that I am an intelligent being capable of understanding at least as far as my own body goes the science behind many drugs, treatment and diseases. I want the truth even if it means a doctor has to be open and honest in saying they just don't know or can't say. I'm fine, one hundred percent perfectly okay with that.

What I am not okay with is my newest neurologist who took over for mine that left. He basically blew off all of my questions concerning my latest relapse and some abnormalities found in my T1 and T2. Telling me everything was perfectly fine... really then why are they showing up on the MRI you're showing me and why are they in the report by the radiologist. And okay he could have said that it was normal to have a beign tumor in the T2 given my age or skin tone and that it wasn't infringing on things so shouldn't be a reason for my newest symptoms despite it not being there the last time they looked at my thoratic spine. He also could have said the white matter in my T1 is just a normal age related thing, and not a sign of an MS relapse and also shouldn't be causing me any problems.

But he didn't, he completely glossed over the questions concerning those two points with "well it all looks good, no signs of anything but of course our diagnositics are only as good as the machines themselves...." Right the machines that are showing two potentially concerning abnormalities that you aren't addressing in the slightest. Okay, number 1 failing, ignoring the questions I ask and glossing over them, does not make me a happy camper and worse still giving me a "placate" like I don't have eyes in my head or the capacity to read does not make me a happy camper but fine, I... against my better judgement did not simply stand up and walk out of the room.

The next real winner was him telling me and my husband that he didn't think I would have any more relapses to worry about, just take my copaxone on a regular basis and I should be good till I'm 90. Okay I have been largely stable, and the copaxone is possibly to thank for that, but I had a relapse one month ago and now he thinks I can go 53 years without ever having another one??? Does he not realize it's a degenerative disease? Who tells a patient with a degenerative disease something like that? Worse still who tells their husband that????

But wait it gets better.... now for the past month and a half since I landed myself in the hospital I have been brutalizing my arm and leg to the point of excrutiating pain that will make me black out if I give myself over to it. I mean if I stop for even a moment to think about it I break out in a cold sweat, turn deathly pale, shake uncontrollably, ears start ringing and darkness starts closing in. Even as I'm typing this it's becoming difficult to do so because I'm starting to breakout in a cold sweat, my ears are ringing, my skin is clammy... I need to focus on something else for a moment be back in a bit before I hit the floor