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Old 09-16-2017, 04:57 PM #11
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I am so sorry that you are suffering this way Kelly.

I've had two medical stressers. The first was an 8 day hospitalization several years before my son was born. I had
a huge GI attack of a twisted intestine. I had many tests to determine if I had appendicitis, gall stones, etc. It turned out I had a twisted bowel, and after further more tests and consults it was determined to be inoperable. Slowly over that testing hospital stay I started to recover since the pinched area relaxed and they didn't know how to do a surgery for it anyway. Then it was called mal-rotation. But now we know it was HAE --hereditary angioedema. This latter diagnosis came after another "attack", a huge reaction to the blood pressure drug Lisinopril.

When I came home from the hospital the first time, I was sorely depressed but the SSRIs were not available then and the older Tricyclics were not offered at that time. I could hardly walk then and I was left on my own. So I had to learn the triggers that occurred for me, and set me off into another attack. I took an unpaid medical leave, and finally took some art lessons at the local art association, and had fun there and recovered. I quit my stressful job and went to University art training but did not pursue another degree. Just had fun and relaxed the sensitive GI tract.

I became pregnant when I was 34, and after my delivery I was in a huge attack, with Kevin being a preemie and a C-section, my attention was elsewhere and diverted so I didn't think about my own discomfort much. But I did cry alot and I mean ALOT. My husband's cousin was an emergency room nurse, and explained that some reactions and tears really come from a place inside our brain that is adjusting to trauma of the body.
It is part of the healing process, and necessary, and so I didn't complain about my tears and just rode it out. Thinking back on it, I am glad I didn't demand the tricyclics (Elavil). Some tears are therefore helpful and necessary, but if this period continues, then you can bring up anti-depressants. If you are religious, it might be better for you to arrange some counseling or visits by a social worker or psychologist, etc. for a brief time. This works on the brain and can be very healing in its own way.

Doctors do not heal the soul, or mind really. They give drugs or surgeries, but the soul still suffers and for that you need a helper who works to heal differently from a doctor.

Give yourself some time, and stay open... somewhere there is a
solution to help you adjust, but it may be a little while in coming.
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Old 09-17-2017, 01:43 AM #12
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Have you looked into the PBA? Or pseudo-balbar (sp?) affect? If it's not like a chronically life has no and will never contain any joy again type feeling... but more of a they show the humane society commercials with Sarah Mccalans "Arms of an Angel" playing in the background and even after changing the channel halfway through the commercial you're still crying/sobbing, which really can't think of anyone in my family or friends who can watch that without crying themselves...really all their commercials leave me crying and I still have my little rescue kitties and my family has theirs.

I mean my brother is on anti-depressants for good reason, he doesn't believe life should be more fun than not, that one should receive more joy than suffering, to him life is all about suffering and one should count themselves exceptionally fortunate if one good thing happens to them in a life time and should definitely not expect it daily. And with such an outlook he is absolutely incapable of comprehending why everyone seems to smile and laugh so much. He's finally in counseling for it, and it does seem to be helping him some though he's still completely and 100% baffled by my laughing and getting excited over things when I have MS, and how can I not realize just the amount of suffering I go through everyday.

His is very much so "clinical" depression, and he has suffered from it for most of his life, and will likely spend the rest of his life in counseling and taking medication and still might not ever come around to finding the "joy" of simply living. Which is some what more frustrating for me at times since he has a child, something I've been denied, so I occasionally have to resist the urge to smack him upside the head when he tells me life shouldn't be "fun". When lack of true motherhood is the number one reason behind my suicidal thoughts, yes I have two step-children, one of which it was my truest joy to raise for two years before she was kidnapped by her mother and was out of contact with us until she became an adult... and I have the GBs but again, not my children and I don't have any real say about how they're raised or even when I'll see them.

Meanwhile he has his own precious daughter whose only a few months younger than my grandson, and he thinks life is about suffering?! That there's no such thing as joy, simply because one exists?! Then why the #{~* did he bring a child into the world? And how can he possibly look at her little angelic face every morning and not think for one second that "JOY" can come simply from existence? Grrrr.... he's probably one of the biggest reasons why I don't carry out my suicial thoughts... telling me how I should suffer because that's the point of life and there's no such thing as happiness in life when he has an adorable daughter, finished his college ambitions and the only health concern he has is clinical depression and a herniated disk in his back (mine is herniated and buldging and from BREAKING my back *^%}#{] )

So about the time the blues bring me to such a low, I inevitably think of the children I never had, which reminds me my brother did get blessed with and then anger kicks in and suicidal thoughts get pushed away by something more akin to homicidal thoughts, and after dwelling on those for a bit I get distracted by something bright and shiny and toss the whole thing out as my personality gets it reset.

But though both my brother and I have suicidal thoughts, our "depression" is very different... without medication he cannot get out of his, he has zero control over it, and he can't be distracted from it or even get himself mad enough about something else to blow it away. For myself, I can spiral even deeper into a depressive state than my brother, but it's not a long lasting affair... less than 30 days...and about 72 hours or less in the deep end of things. Stress is a trigger, illness, injury can trigger it, life events (births and deaths), and humane society commercials, and sometimes "just cuz". But I think for those of us that are usual upbeat... it's almost as bad as for my brother whose always down.

We're lacking an emotion regulator somewhere... and every so often our natural "highs" wear off and we're experiencing what normal folks do and it's just unnatural for us not to be "HAPPY". Even keeled emotions are as foreign to us "HAPPY" folks as it is to my depressed brother, and then our family points it out to us and we feel guilty because we're supposed to be "HAPPY" and then we stress about not being happy, and why aren't we happy, and then it seems like the world went from technicolor to grey, and we don't know why so we stress more and more, making things worse... until something comes along to snap us out of it and flip us back to our place over the rainbow. Just my theory at any rate. Maybe you could try getting up a good rant over something, idiots on judge Judy...99% of the news coverage... watch an episode or two of "I shouldn't be alive." Give yourself a good yell at something ludicrous and see if it doesn't hit your reset button.

Worth a shot and I hope you get your Tigger springs back from the shop soon
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Old 09-17-2017, 03:21 AM #13
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MrsD, thank you so much for your response.

I notice that when I have something that keeps me busy or diverts my attention elsewhere it's not so bad but music is a HUGE factor for me. Those Humane Society commercials are the worst and leave me diving for the remote. I rarely listen to music anymore and it used to be such a big part of my life.

Thank for sharing your own personal experiences to try and help me. I appreciate it very much.


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Originally Posted by mrsD View Post
Give yourself some time, and stay open... somewhere there is a solution to help you adjust, but it may be a little while in coming.
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Old 09-17-2017, 08:45 PM #14
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Kitty--love and prayers
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Old 09-18-2017, 05:58 AM #15
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Makes me happy to see your name, Blessings.



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Kitty--love and prayers
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Old 09-19-2017, 08:17 AM #16
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That PBA (psuedobulbar affect: Pseudobulbar affect - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic) is a real thing, Kitty. "The primary sign of pseudobulbar affect (PBA) is frequent, involuntary and uncontrollable outbursts of crying or laughing that are exaggerated or not connected to your emotional state. Laughter often turns to tears. Your mood will appear normal between episodes, which can occur at any time. Crying appears to be a more common sign of PBA than laughing."

This is what I experienced early on in my MS journey. Crying for no reason. One day I was on my way to work and got delayed by, of all things, the Santa Claus Parade and burst into tears. It wasn't that I was worried about being late, either. Simply the fact that is was such an inappropriate response.

I was working as a grocery cashier. Before getting on meds I would feel the tears coming and have to close my register to sit out of the public eye for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Thankfully my bosses were very accommodating. Started with Zoloft, then Elavil, finally staying with Lexapro for over 5 years.

I hope you find something to help, Kitty! Either time, or a med, whatever works.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:04 AM #17
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Thanks, Sparky! I had not thought of PBA but it sounds just like what I do.

But the only difference is that I see or hear something that reminds me of something in the past (like a pet that has passed away or a song that reminds me of a family member that has passed on) and the waterworks start. This is most of the time.....but some times I just cry for no particular reason (now this made me laugh because it reminded me of Forest Gump LOL).

It's frustrating and I need to go see me Neurologist but haven't made an appointment yet. Procrastinating..........
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:11 PM #18
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Quote:
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Kitty--love and prayers
I know exactly what you mean about the Humane Society commercials. I also find myself fighting back tears from those darned sweet Hallmark Card commercials and if course, sad movies.
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Old 09-19-2017, 04:16 PM #19
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I know exactly what you mean about the Humane Society commercials. I also find myself fighting back tears from those darned sweet Hallmark Card commercials and if course, sad movies.

There is one commercial about a big dog (golden retriever or some type of setter) that has to wear a lions mane in order to keep a little baby girl from crying when she sees him. She has a toy lion with a big mane that she loves. The Dad buys a lions mane and puts it on this dog and the little girl isn't afraid anymore. I think it's the music that gets me more than anything but this commercial does me in every time. I'm bracing myself for all the Christmas and Thanksgiving commercials that are due any day. Lord help us all........
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Old 09-19-2017, 10:37 PM #20
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I'm so sorry that you're feeling sad Kitty. I have dealt with depression for a good part of my life so I can relate. It got worse with the MS diagnosis. I take generic Lexapro for my depression. It doesn't change my personality but takes away the constant sadness.

I have had PBA in the past after I'd had a bad MS attack years ago. I would cry over the mere mention of a sad event and sometimes I laughed uncontrollably at inopportune times.

It might be worth it to try an antidepressant to see if it helps. I hope things will be better soon.
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