This may just be temporary, but I had to change it. That photo of me, even though taken only 8 years ago, just isn't me anymore. Everything has changed about me, since that was taken and it makes me cry to look at it now.

You can't see it, but my one year old and 8 yr old granddaughters (now 9 and 16 yr olds) are sitting on my lap. I was also about 30 lbs thinner and looked at least 10yrs, younger.

Since my DH passed away 4 yrs ago, this Month, I seem to have let go of that sexy old Mama and become a not so sexy old Grandmama.. I laugh at myself through my tears, as it is sooooo hard to accept.

I think I know where you are, Cindy, although not the same and yet, we are both grappling to find and accept the persons we are now. I want to do that, too, but it's hard without my DH here to share the changes and grow old together. Who am I, without him?

One day when I get the guts, I will have DD take a photo of me as I am now and post it.....if I ever accept that it is actually me now. Who am I? Why am I still here?

So, anyway, the Avatar says it for now. I am a blond/gray haired blue/green eyed Aquarian.

That's a very nice Avatar Sally! Nice hair cut! Nice shoes, too!

oh yeah baby! much better.

I don't get it, Sal. Is it like SpongeBob swallowed Homer and they both played PacMan?

I tell ya' though, a friend gave me a talking-to this morning, and I just spent a couple hours with another good friend who helped me get some perspective with only minor violence. She's very true and I trust her judgement immensely. Talking about things has helped me a great deal and I am ever thankful for them both.

The old me is far, far away, but I'm working to locate her piece by piece.

Thanks for the affirmation.

Waaaaaaaaaaa, AMA made fun of my Avatar..

HeY Cinders, the old me is out there too......waaaaaaaaay out there. I'm not ever going to find her again....I have to be the new improved me and quit whining about the past.

It's nice to have friends to help you through this. I have a couple of friends like that...I just haven't reached out to them. They have their problems and I don't want to whine to them.

I love your new avatar!

I look at pics of me and think no way is that me, who is that in the picture?

Cindy, do you need to redefine who you really are and learn something about this "new" person that you really, really like? And forgive that part of her that you don't like?

Not really, Sass, I used to be a lot more resilient and a great deal more light-hearted. I need to stop internalizing things so much. I'm wrecking what's left of me.

Um, and Sal's avatar...

I have MS.

Fine Sappy Sal, but do you really expect me to believe that your boobs are that big?

(Seriously, I think it is cute!)

They are now...

Thanks..

Know how you feel Sally. I am right in the same place you are.

Life is just not the same by yourself.

But, as we have been saying we have to fight to go on. I am trying my best and I know you are.

So let's get started and start planning our next big trip. That cruise sure lifted up my spirits. We have a great cyper family and we all have to stick together.

Jappy