...whether 'tis nobler to suffer and smile,
or give in to fatigue and give up for a while.
When one looks so normal and all appears fine,
and the secret of pain is secretly mine.
The pain... the burn... fatigue that will drop me,
to the floor, to colapse, to sleep, to rest, awe...there's the rub!

Yes, the rub is the fine line between when I have almost convinced myself from saying: I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT to hitting the brick wall and saying: NEVERMIND!

It's just that the brickwall comes out of nowhere when I least expect it... right at the time when everyone is saying "How great I look and how well I must be doing". I have been the great pretender for years and have gotten pretty darn good at it. So when I hit the wall, you may ask, "What's wrong?" to which I will (with automaticity) reply, "Nothing, I'm fine!"... OR (this one gets funnier all the time) "I'm just tired."

I vote for giving in.

naptime RULES!

Sleep and rest always win with me. It's my body telling me to shut up and stay! I am talking while out shopping, at a party, at work, etc. Body says NO MORE, I do my best to honor it's direct order!

Kay and River,
I know you are both right... thanks! I'm still trying to find my way in the "doing what is best for me" scenario! Maybe I will get better with time.
Thanks!

Very good writing! I enjoyed it. Totally understand, and agree.

BTW, you look great!

Oooh! I love Hamlet! (the Mel Gibson version, not the Kenneth Branagh version, altho, Olivier was very good too...)

Your soliloquy was very good.

I just went shopping with my parents to get V-day cards for my nieces. My poor parents, they're both exhausted today, and so am I, but apparently I must have been doing pretty good, because my dad kept sending me to go grab stuff for him, while he leaned on my mom's shopping cart and waited for her to pick out some cards. My mom has chronic pain from a back injury and 2 knee surgeries, and my dad has an enlarged heart and high blood pressure.

I'm planning on falling asleep in front of the tv while watching Criminal Minds tonight. I think I have another hour or two of energy left in me...maybe, if I just sit here and stare at the tv for a little bit.

I feel exhausted now and dont want to move. My parents are upstairs, asleep in the living room. They tired themselves out by eating Chinese food and buying V-day cards at the grocery store. (oh, and my dad had a bad day working at the hospital.

I learned something, dont go to the grocery store the day before valentines day if you're really tired. Because it's really tiring to have to fight your way thru the crowd of people getting cheap (nearly) meaningless gifts. I swear, people lose most of their manners when it comes to last minute shopping.

i wish i could rhyme like that

i push a lot too, til i have to stop.
that's all you can do. once i rest i'm
good for the rest of the day.

you do have to take care of yourself and
pay attention to what your body says.
then you can help others.

I've learned to live WITH the disease rather than to keep fighting it. I find it much more tolerable and I don't mind letting people know how I'm feeling at any particular time. Why hide it? What good is that doing? Be yourself and quit pretending all is well when it is not.

I'm the same way - I do it because I don't want my kids to worry about me. So then, when something actually DOES go wrong they act surprised. It's my fault - I just don't want to complain all the time and I don't want them fretting over me.

My sister came down from VA last week and stayed with me. We had a death in the family and we had several days of non-stop going and doing. It wore me out but I was good at hiding most of the exhaustion. I felt like total crap the whole time she was here but never said a word. Before she left she told me "I'm so glad I got a chance to come and see you - I was worried over nothing! You're fine!" Grrrrrrrrr!!!