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02-27-2008, 12:38 AM
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#19 | |||
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I agree with what most of you said. Of course, like with many things in life - sometimes we always think the grass is greener on the other side of the street. If we have dark hair - we wonder what it would be like with lighter hair. I have naturally curly hair - so I spend a ton of money every few months having it professionally straightened. Those with quick out-of-the-blue dx might think it would be better with warning...those with months to contemplate just want the answer.... There's no easy way with this. Yes, Greenjeans - blindsided is an understatement. First the neuro said he was rushing me for an MRI - he suspected a stroke that hit my brain stem (based on results of clinical exam in his office that morning!  That was shocking enough...only to get a phone call 2 hours later saying I had MS. He might well have called to say that a UFO landed on my lawn and flattened my car - it was outrageous as that. I guess it still kinda is. (I told my "story" about how I ended up "here" in the introduction thread, about three weeks ago? if you want to read it - it is pretty unreal if you ask me - then again, i lived it...)I know the grieving process is going to continue for some time to come...one day at a time as they say (sometimes I want to shoot whoever the "they" is!).... I'm not planning on having the LP or VEP (was considering it b/c my visual symptoms are pretty bad - but went to neuro ophthamologist on Fri - and my optic nerve isn't damaged or inflamed right now - so at least *some* good news there). The fact that - oddly enough - within 12 hours of the official dx - my symptoms actually piled on strongly and began to steamroll me - is proof enough for me. Had I not seen the neurologist the day that I did - I would've ended up back in the ER (had gone the day BEFORE I saw the neuro - and they did a CT b/c I had some double vision and vertigo) - but everything started spinning out of control - nearly literally - that looking back now it all fell into place. Weird how that happens. I still sit here shaking my head, somewhat in disbelief, ignoring the IV pole in the corner of my room (I have TWO of these now, wondering when someone will come to retrieve them).... looking at the medical bills piling in....thinking "great, of course I get sick January 4th - just in time to meet my deductible all over again!".....and I have MS?! WTF?! At what point does it feel real? I thought it would've felt real the entire month that I was shooting myself up with Copaxone...but I guess not. Every time I open my refrigerator and see the box of shots (I still have a full box leftover)...shouldnt it feel real? shouldnt the iv poles solidify it? shouldnt the fact that i wake up in the middle of the night sometimes unable to feel the right side of my body make it real? or that the right side of my head has been numb since dec 22nd mean this is all really happening? or do i really just have a pinched nerve and this is some cruel joke?! (I asked the neuro that last week....he chuckled. and people say neuro's have no personality. lol) ~Keri |
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no LP for me...
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