Hi Keri,

I'm sorry I freaked you out too with those articles!! I don't know why I went back to look at my MRI reports or why I was researching MS stuff again. Probably because I started panicking about what might happen if I can't tolerate the copaxone. It's making me feel kind of flu-like. Then what is next?? Interferons are out because of a history of depression (2 weeks of Rebif and I started getting massively depressed not to mention sick as a dog). Tysabri scares me. How are you doing on that? Did your first infusion go okay? I followed some of your threads and was glad to hear you finally got on it.

Yes, the whole "at some point we stop counting" REALLY scares you, doesn't it? Yeah, every time I see the word "multiple sclerosis" I get frozen too. They are such two ugly words. Why couldn't it have a better sounding name? Like C.B. for cotton balls? Or PBP for Pretty Brain Pattern?

I am also sorry you are feeling physically crappy too. I was going to say s**tty but they blocked out my previous use of (another word for donkey) so I figured that one wouldn't be okay either.

The first neurologist I saw who had to admit me into the hospital because my internist couldn't (and it was Friday and he was the only guy on call) was terrible. I dumped him right away. BUT...he did give one good piece of advice. He said not to go online and google about other people's experiences because everyone has a different course--no two cases are really alike--and there is no point in trying to scare yourself or compare. My MS therapist told me that it's no use looking at statistics either because they don't account for individual experiences. She believes in what she calls the "X factor" -- the unknown possibility of doing well or not becoming one of the "terrible" statistics.

Anyhow, I hope I wasn't the cause of too much of your anxiety!!

Natalie