[tkrik]

I have MS. Well, I was dx 5 years ago and have been wavering in denial ever since. It's been hard for me to admit it and learn effective ways to just deal with it. All these years I approached MS like I had a sinus infection. You know, take an abx and it goes away. This is not going away.

After a long discussion this past weekend with DD19 and DBF, I decided it's time to just face up to it, accept it, and learn new ways of dealing with things. I have been fighting it all wrong and unfortunately, I believe things are getting a little worse for me. During our conversation, we came up with all sorts of great solutions from chores to mobility aides and things that will help me improve my quality of life as well as admitting to the drs. that things are getting worse and checking out medications that actually might help me. As it is now, I can't even make it through a grocery shopping trip without my legs freezing up in tight spasms as well as worsen tremors and other stuff.

It is hard to admit my limitations. I know they are there but others don't. It is hard to just say I'm experiencing this or that. I am trying to be tough, but it really isn't benefiting me at all and is causing tension in me instead. I am sure it is much easier to just say I can't manage that task anymore - like vacuuming.

So, after 5 years of fighting it the wrong way, I'm throwing the towel in and starting anew. I will be trying to find ways to make my quality of life better and easier. I will be working with my drs. to come up with ways and medications that will help me at this stage of the disease process. I am only on 3 meds and they had been working for the past several years. I am not so sure they are the correct ones for me now. I will be reviewing that with them and making necessary adjustments. I also will be requesting some occupational therapy to help me with finding easier ways of doing things. I also will be making adjustments at home to help me so that I can do some tasks more efficiently and effectively. You know saving spoons and making the most of the spoons I have.

I have spent so much time lately trying to figure out what I need to do to feel better. What will help my legs work better, what can I eat to increase my energy, what . . . and so the list went on. I just can't do that anymore as it's causing me added stress and I start running in circles.

Also, this is the first time I have really said and admitted this. You all understand what I go through on a daily basis and the emotions involved with this disease. So, I felt most comfortable coming on here and posting this. So, if you got this far, thanks for listening to me admit that I do have MS and that it is not going away and I have to take a healthier approach to dealing with it.