If you had the health, would anyone turn away their little child

sheena · 05-26-2008, 01:05 AM

My health is bad and you know that so I will not go there.

There was long & bad battle, I'll give a little bg. In 2006, I separated. It got dirty b/c of MIL... She hire PI's on me... My entire past since college invaded, my prior landlords, neighbors, illegal phone tap (yes, it really happened/not just in the movies), much illegal activies by their PI. U have the idea. 1 yr later w/many tens of thousands spent, I won all, but in sep/divorce there is no winner & the child has the most loss of all.

2006, DH moved in w/MIL (his mother). FIL (nice & fair man had passed). DH did not wk from 01 till present.

Since birth never carried child to but 2 Dr appoints. She was born 34 wks after a bad bedridden pg & w/probs.

I spent 01 pg in bed, 02 thru 05 taking child to 4-8 appoints per wk. By 06 all prob corrected w/child - I planned to wk again, start over, , but spent yr in battle. 07 mental cond. was mess then mother passed, had to move due to estate, did not want too. Finally closing it this week if my heath allows.

O7 - 08 requested much child care from father, some given, some minor care for me given, all w/me paying for gas, expenses... & bitc*ing from him.

Today he has been acepted at school (now 52) for 2 yr Sonogaphy program. Prior field all in computer. U & I know at graduation (male 54) w/not get job. That is BS, BS & more BS. He has cell, all ins free, money for whatever, almost new car (same I wanted B4 I got MS), works out at gym, bottom line MIL bought him off. I tried at on point to get him back. But-no due to money. A man should work no matter how little IMHO if in excellent health. So should wife if needed.

Today, I told him I may need him to take Emily in 08 school yr. This B/C of my MS. I was refused! Told he could not take due to school... He**ll, w/o question & much loss, I cared for the one I love most. Emily is my child, is all I have really cared about. It is not too late for her with much counseling and right enviroment. I had her in counseling till MS - all improving. She was great!

DH does not want to get up at 6am, deal w/teachers, deal w/time to get out of school, reg Dr apponts., food, play, bath, bed, summer fun.... I do but failing fast. I do! This my child no matter what - I love her! I have spoiled her but that is my option. I want better for her then I had.

There is no family on my side and only GM,sister and her DH on his. They chose 25+ yrs ago to go the career deal - not the child deal. I do not want her there!!!!!!! There is much more-bottom line I will lose my house, land, credit to prevent it! What do I do if this crap keeps hitting hard.

She is with DH now - he said "you pushed her off on me" I did. It is his memorial day by papers. I'm sick - I need every hour I can get to try to come out of this. To try to get meds for illness (non MS related) . I know many men, I also know some from boards that would be grateful for extra time w/ their child. They are begging their ex, going to court... But, not this one. what do I do? I saw this coming a few mos ago - now it is here. I will be dam*d to he*l be for I see my kid in foster care. What do I do?

lady_express_44 · 05-26-2008, 09:11 AM

Yuck.

So, if you are forced to give Emily up, he would not take her? He would allow her to go into the "system" before he would back down from his current stance?

Cherie

slskckjebw · 05-26-2008, 09:24 AM

OH Sheena, What an awful spot to be in. I have no experience with an ex husband or anything like that but I am an adoptive parent.

Do what ever it takes to keep you little one out of foster care. Do you belong to a church? Maybe there is a local church you could contact for help.

Maybe there would be someone willing to take guardianship until you are able to recover?

I'll be praying about this situation.

LA

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheena

My health is bad and you know that so I will not go there.

There was long & bad battle, I'll give a little bg. In 2006, I separated. It got dirty b/c of MIL... She hire PI's on me... My entire past since college invaded, my prior landlords, neighbors, illegal phone tap (yes, it really happened/not just in the movies), much illegal activies by their PI. U have the idea. 1 yr later w/many tens of thousands spent, I won all, but in sep/divorce there is no winner & the child has the most loss of all.

2006, DH moved in w/MIL (his mother). FIL (nice & fair man had passed). DH did not wk from 01 till present.

Since birth never carried child to but 2 Dr appoints. She was born 34 wks after a bad bedridden pg & w/probs.

I spent 01 pg in bed, 02 thru 05 taking child to 4-8 appoints per wk. By 06 all prob corrected w/child - I planned to wk again, start over, , but spent yr in battle. 07 mental cond. was mess then mother passed, had to move due to estate, did not want too. Finally closing it this week if my heath allows.

O7 - 08 requested much child care from father, some given, some minor care for me given, all w/me paying for gas, expenses... & bitc*ing from him.

Today he has been acepted at school (now 52) for 2 yr Sonogaphy program. Prior field all in computer. U & I know at graduation (male 54) w/not get job. That is BS, BS & more BS. He has cell, all ins free, money for whatever, almost new car (same I wanted B4 I got MS), works out at gym, bottom line MIL bought him off. I tried at on point to get him back. But-no due to money. A man should work no matter how little IMHO if in excellent health. So should wife if needed.

Today, I told him I may need him to take Emily in 08 school yr. This B/C of my MS. I was refused! Told he could not take due to school... He**ll, w/o question & much loss, I cared for the one I love most. Emily is my child, is all I have really cared about. It is not too late for her with much counseling and right enviroment. I had her in counseling till MS - all improving. She was great!

DH does not want to get up at 6am, deal w/teachers, deal w/time to get out of school, reg Dr apponts., food, play, bath, bed, summer fun.... I do but failing fast. I do! This my child no matter what - I love her! I have spoiled her but that is my option. I want better for her then I had.

There is no family on my side and only GM,sister and her DH on his. They chose 25+ yrs ago to go the career deal - not the child deal. I do not want her there!!!!!!! There is much more-bottom line I will lose my house, land, credit to prevent it! What do I do if this crap keeps hitting hard.

She is with DH now - he said "you pushed her off on me" I did. It is his memorial day by papers. I'm sick - I need every hour I can get to try to come out of this. To try to get meds for illness (non MS related) . I know many men, I also know some from boards that would be grateful for extra time w/ their child. They are begging their ex, going to court... But, not this one. what do I do? I saw this coming a few mos ago - now it is here. I will be dam*d to he*l be for I see my kid in foster care. What do I do?

Jules A · 05-26-2008, 09:26 AM

I am so sorry your daughter doesn't have a responsible father.

sheena · 05-26-2008, 09:27 AM

Yes 100%. I just received call from him wanting to know if I would be home so he could bring her back. He knows I can't go anywhere. He has had her <24 hrs. I'm much sicker today, was up all night and too sick to deal today.

Kitty · 05-26-2008, 09:29 AM

Her Grandmother (ex's mother) doesn't have any interest in her grandchild?? Does she know that your health isn't good right now?

I've learned NOT to make life altering decisions when I'm upset, sick or otherwise not thinking rationally.

Sorry I have no solutions for you but I hope things take a turn for the better for you.....

mom23angels · 05-26-2008, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheena

My health is bad and you know that so I will not go there.

There was long & bad battle, I'll give a little bg. In 2006, I separated. It got dirty b/c of MIL... She hire PI's on me... My entire past since college invaded, my prior landlords, neighbors, illegal phone tap (yes, it really happened/not just in the movies), much illegal activies by their PI. U have the idea. 1 yr later w/many tens of thousands spent, I won all, but in sep/divorce there is no winner & the child has the most loss of all.

2006, DH moved in w/MIL (his mother). FIL (nice & fair man had passed). DH did not wk from 01 till present.

Since birth never carried child to but 2 Dr appoints. She was born 34 wks after a bad bedridden pg & w/probs.

I spent 01 pg in bed, 02 thru 05 taking child to 4-8 appoints per wk. By 06 all prob corrected w/child - I planned to wk again, start over, , but spent yr in battle. 07 mental cond. was mess then mother passed, had to move due to estate, did not want too. Finally closing it this week if my heath allows.

O7 - 08 requested much child care from father, some given, some minor care for me given, all w/me paying for gas, expenses... & bitc*ing from him.

Today he has been acepted at school (now 52) for 2 yr Sonogaphy program. Prior field all in computer. U & I know at graduation (male 54) w/not get job. That is BS, BS & more BS. He has cell, all ins free, money for whatever, almost new car (same I wanted B4 I got MS), works out at gym, bottom line MIL bought him off. I tried at on point to get him back. But-no due to money. A man should work no matter how little IMHO if in excellent health. So should wife if needed.

Today, I told him I may need him to take Emily in 08 school yr. This B/C of my MS. I was refused! Told he could not take due to school... He**ll, w/o question & much loss, I cared for the one I love most. Emily is my child, is all I have really cared about. It is not too late for her with much counseling and right enviroment. I had her in counseling till MS - all improving. She was great!

DH does not want to get up at 6am, deal w/teachers, deal w/time to get out of school, reg Dr apponts., food, play, bath, bed, summer fun.... I do but failing fast. I do! This my child no matter what - I love her! I have spoiled her but that is my option. I want better for her then I had.

There is no family on my side and only GM,sister and her DH on his. They chose 25+ yrs ago to go the career deal - not the child deal. I do not want her there!!!!!!! There is much more-bottom line I will lose my house, land, credit to prevent it! What do I do if this crap keeps hitting hard.

She is with DH now - he said "you pushed her off on me" I did. It is his memorial day by papers. I'm sick - I need every hour I can get to try to come out of this. To try to get meds for illness (non MS related) . I know many men, I also know some from boards that would be grateful for extra time w/ their child. They are begging their ex, going to court... But, not this one. what do I do? I saw this coming a few mos ago - now it is here. I will be dam*d to he*l be for I see my kid in foster care. What do I do?

Sheena,
You're going through a lot and I can tell how much your daughter means to you. That's my biggest worry with MS and not being able to take care of my sons as much as I want to (they are 9,7, and 4). My situation is a little different than yours. My oldest two were from my ex husband and he's a great dad and person and helps me out a lot. My 4 yr old, well, his father is a *@&*!$ and my biggest fear is him coming and getting my son because he can't even take care of himself at the age of 47.

Will your ex help you if you need it? If you're in bed and can't take care of your daughter he won't come by and take her for awhile? Or, help pay for additional help if you need help with a home health aide? (sorry, don't know how bad your MS is).

Is there any way you can take him back to court for an amendment and explain to the judge you love your child and want that support from the father. Maybe if he gets emotional or financial pressure he will be more involved. He seems like he's just going along with his life but he needs to understand all the hard work you've done.

I hope it all works out for you, you're in my thoughts and prayers and I understand as a mom!

Monique