Sneaked out of church via the back door before the sermon this morning, and walked home sobbing. I knew this day was coming, and I thought I was ready. Obviously not.

Playing the organ has been tricky for quite a while, mostly because I can't find a way to sit that doesn't hurt and make my muscles spasm. I can't twist my foot to hit a couple of the foot pedals, and my stupid fingers either hit the wrong keys or don't hit them hard enough. But I've been managing.

This morning I realized that I'm not managing any more. I don't get anything out of the service because I'm toughing it out, teeth clenched, in pain. That's not worship. And I spend Sunday afternoon recovering.

I've played that organ for 31 years, and it's one of the great joys of my life. I'm telling myself all of the appropriate stuff: count the blessings you DO still have, be thankful for all the years you DID play, you have other ministries, blah blah blah.

It's just a little tough right now. God bless my husband who suggested that maybe once I'm retired and off the cement floor, I'll be up to playing the organ again. I don't know if he's right, but he made me feel better (plus rubbing my back while I sobbed).

Just needed to share my woes. Thanks for listening, my friends.