I'm not "not responding", I'm just thinking about all your replies!

OK, for the record: I don't think people who are sick, depressed, discouraged, or need to share their burdens are whiners, wimps, or sissies.

And I don't think that people who put on their big girl panties and do what has to get done are martyrs. God bless them! When my Dad (who had MS) stopped driving, he WALKED the mile and a half each way to work, summer and winter, and never took a sick day, because you do what you have to do. But he didn't take an attitude about it.

The "martyrs" I'm talking about make a not-so-subtle point with their attitudes that "....and so would YOU, if you weren't a whiner wimp sissy."

You know, like Ida Morgenstern on TV: "No, no, you all go and have a good time, I'll be fine here alone scrubbing the ceiling with a toothbrush. If it flares up again (cough, cough, wince) I'll just call an ambulance or something."

There's a huge difference between the people I admire who just keep plugging along with a cheerful (or at least philosophical) attitude, and those who paste on a phony smile, heave a pathetic little sigh, and say "No, no, don't feel bad about not helping. You just stay home and...rest. The swelling has almost gone down around my incision anyway."

You just described my MIL to a "T"!!! Heaven forbid you should have something to be happy about.....she'll find a way to crush it!

She doesn't even know (that I am aware of) that I have MS. We don't communicate often.....hardly ever, actually.

But I do know what you mean, B2Y. I try really hard not to be the martyr. And I did a really good job two days ago when I got totally fed up with the bathroom the boys use looking like a football locker room. I started to just go clean it myself. But then I thought about it and told both boys, together, that they were more than capable of doing it themselves and I had better things to do with my time (not sure what....but it sounded good ). Instead of acting all "woe is me" and sighing loudly while scrubbing the tub, I just told them that they better keep it clean or I would hire someone to do it and they would pay for it!! Money talks!! It's so clean now you could eat off the floor!!

OH! now that is a horse of a different color.

I know folks like that, and its more about the sympathy vote, then getting their job done. They need to be the center of attention, and have folks dancing around them to tell them how brave they are. Have a neighbor like that now. ONE day after coming home from a complete hyst, she INSISTED on going on the boat ride that was planned by the neighbors. She was nauseous and in pain, yet insisted on a boat ride on a choppy lake. it was cold that day, and several couples were going to the lil island to have a light lunch. She made this big dramatic display of hanging onto the railings, and singing the OMG song all the way over. instead of the rest of us relaxing, enjoying the trip, and the event, we spent the afternoon comforting her. We offered several times to turn back and walk her back home, but "no no! I will forge onward. I dont want to ruin the good time. Truly, I am just fine." as she grabs the rail, and whines OMG. OMG OMG. So, YES! she ruined the day for the rest of us. "can you come help me unwrap my sandwhich?" Like the saran wrap was complicated or something.

I completely agree. If you are sucking it up, doing what you have to do, and moving forward. you go girl! if you are just coming out to seek pats on the back for being brave, and asking the rest of us to carry you through the event, because you shouldnt be here....please go back to bed!

Thanks for clearning it up!

Probably passive-aggressive people . . . they don't know how to stand up and say what they really think when it matters, so they use every opportunity to get attention in other ways.

I kinda feel sorry for them, because they can't just say what they want to. It's frustrating (and confusing) being on the recieving end of that, but they are so afraid of rejection, they don't confront the real issues as they happen.

Does that make sense?

Cherie

Yep, agree totally with you B2B. Those types get to you after a while. And truly, that's the type I thought you meant when you wrote what you did.


I have a SIL like that. She's great to your face, makes everything feel like it's a burden on her if she does something (and makes you feel bad for even being around), and to your back.... well, she's a first class #@^@!

The woman said to me at my MIL's funeral luncheon, "Thank you for coming." I actually said, "Thank you for inviting me" to her before I realized what I was doing--it was MY MIL and my H's stepmom since he was 18 mos old. I'd known my MIL for 23 years. Why was I thanking her for inviting me????? Geez, we were FAMILY......... ugh.......

My two SILs and I had a good crack up about that. Let my other SIL play the martyr one more time if it made her feel better.....

I don't think I am, per say, any of the above, but I have my share of (by myself) pity parties..

What do you call a person who needs a cheering section?.. My DH was my cheering section and when I was able to do something I hadn't been able to do or just forced myself to do something anyway.....He Cheered.. .. I loved that man...he never nagged, only cheered.

Sometimes I'll call my DD or a Friend to brag about something I was able to do and wait for a cheer.. .. The only place I get any cheers now, is when I come here and tell you,,

You ask, "What do you call a person who needs a cheering section?" I would call that person "human".

Sep 16 I was martyr, doing what I had to so I could speak at a conference for women in pain... pushing myself, doing too much, totally exhausted. For several days after, I hardly moved. And even now, I am recovering. If you are blessed enough to be ABLE to be a martyr, there are times when you will inevitably pay. I've not the martyr too much, but geez, when I am, I often wonder what in the hell possessed me to do so?!? I am 75% or more the girl who takes it easy, and doesn't push herself. Why? Because I prize the advances I've made in my health too much to hurt myself and backslide completely... Heather

Welcome to NeuroTalk, Heather..

AT first I thought your name was Horace..