[Momma's Kids]

I seem to be having more trouble with my hands...especially the left. I can't feel my fingers if I keep them in the same position for any length of time. The small jerks in both hands keep me from doing what I loved second to fishing...drawing or painting.

A friend called today and wanted me to do a watercolor for a family member for a Christmas present from her. I don't know if I will be able to get it done before Christmas.

MS seems to take so much from us and gives us little in return. In just a few short years I seem to be adjusting to one more thing. I should be angry, I should have 'pore ole me' syndrome. Actually I just realize with a very small tad of sadness that I must once again adjust to the unfairness of the disease.

I am not a saint, I'm just like you and many others, I have a disease that is slowly taking away parts of my physical life. Adjusting is the hardest, giving more and more to the disease. However, with all the things it has taken, it has given other things. A new extended family that understands, knows what it is, how it works and are very caring...even when we feel most alone.

I will find a way to do what my friend asked, she would understand without question if I told her I wasn't able to do as she asked. She would be upset, but she wouldn't tell me I was being selfish or any of the other things most people would say.

When one more thing is taken away, we have to find ways to complete the tasks that once was so easy. We adjust, we keep on living, most of the time keeping silent to family/friends and most importantly we do our best to stay positive. That is sometimes hardest of all, to remain positive, to find thankfulness is a disease that is ruthless in its destruction. It makes it extremely hard to find the positive when there seems to be so much of the opposite. I tell myself it could be worse knowing that it truly could be.

How will I complete this task with the numbness and the unsteadyness of hands? I truly have no idea, but I will find a way...and why I'm looking for my way in this disease...I will always say a small prayer that you will find your way also. That you find ways to keep doing those things that bring you joy and in doing so...defeat the monster one more time.

It might be a small victory, but remember, it is still a victory and sometimes it takes many small victories to beat an entire army.

Take Care and remember to do something good for yourself. Take a few minutes each day to relax, and enjoy the smallest of life's pleasures. The changing color of a maple tree, the laughter of a child, the way a bird soars on the wind, or the knowledge that people you have never met are standing behind you...

Just like a Verizon commercial...there, yet unseen, saying a prayer, and wishing you well. A victory no matter how small is still one more defeat for an enemy.