I so appreciate everyone here for what you are living with and for the care you have shown me in other threads. But sometimes, I need to be "heard" by my family. Guess I have a better chance of seeing God than that happening

I really feel like crap and there is so much I need to get doing for the holiday. No help....no appreciation for my efforts...no nuffin but being ignored. *sigh*

Seara I'm sorry your family is like that. Sometimes I wonder which is worse.....not having any (or very much) family or having family that seems oblivious to our challenges.

Just do what you feel you can comfortably do and do it for yourself....for your own enjoyment....and when someone notices that something didn't get done they can do it themselves or do without it! I know, much easier said than done....and I'm the worst at taking my own advice.....but we understand what you mean and you can come here anytime and cry or whine or vent or celebrate.....we're an equal opportunity shoulder!!

Oh Seara, I am so sorry your family act like that, that just isn't right . I really hope you can get it sorted soon as you don't deserve to be treated like that, you are going through a lot right now and your family should realise that and support you and try their bests to help you.

I can relate to some of what you are going through. My dad doesn't understand my illness. At all. He refuses to come to the hospital appointments with me and just say's that he can't bear to see me going through this when I am only 13. He leaves everything to my mum and when I am having a bad day and can't walk, he just starts moaning at me and telling me that I am just being a "typical teenager"! My mum is forever trying to explain to him how I feel but he still doesn't get it and usually it ends up getting into one big argument. My mum and dad have actually spoken about splitting up because my dad just wont understand. He wont even ask how I am feeling and it really hurts me. He's forever telling me that if I "just got out more, I would feel better" - yeah right!!

His parents were the same. My grandad has just passed away 3 weeks ago but he didn't understand what I was going through either. He was a bit like a ostrich - would bury his head in the sand and just pretend that it wasn't happening. I think it was just too much for him to take as I was always really close to him and saw him every day and he couldn't bear to see me struggeling too much (at that point, I was wheelchair bound).

Have you told your family how you feel and how upset they are making you? You shouldn't have to deal with all of this and I am so sorry that you do. One thing that really helped my grandparents was that I wrote a letter in my own words and handwriting telling them how they were making me feel and how much I missed them in my lives. It really helped them understand and I don't think they realised what they were doing to me. I am so thankful that me and my grandad had a good relationship before he died and that we made up because if we didn't, I would still be really regretting what I did to this point. I have written a letter to my dad also telling him how I feel but it still wont sink in and he just doesn't "get it". It might be an idea for you to write a letter to your family, explaining how you feel - it's just an idea.

I wrote a poem when I was really frustrated with everything and how my family were making me feel and thought I would share it with you. I don't have MS, but have a similar illness so you will probably be able to relate to most of what I am saying:

Why wont you understand?

How can it be that just one day
Could change my life forever
Steadily growing, burning fire
Within me, leaving never

A life so full of friends
A family who'd unite
I hope they'd always be there
To help me win this fight

What started out so positive
Slowly fell apart
School and friends just disappeared
My family broke my heart

My pain is real and constant
Although others aren't so sure
Why should I have to prove to them
This monster has no cure

I sometimes wish I had the power
To let others take my place
To become me for just one day
And see the frustration on their face

Frustration that they cannot share
In normal daily life
Why wind and rain and sunshine
Cuts through them like a knife

I wish my life was just like theirs
Without the need for help
Independance regained, my life restored
Without the need for help

Chronic pain is "secret"
A condition hid away
From those who chose not to look
One I choose not to display

My pain is real, forever here
A reminder of the cost
Of fate and events conspiring
Of my independance lost

Just because I don't look ill
Because i've come this far
Remember that it hurts to not
Ask me how things are

A simple word can mean so much
More than you'll ever know
To know you care, you're always there
Though i've still so far to go.

I really hope that your family will start understanding and I know it isn't the same but please know that we are all here for you when you need to just let things out. I wish our familes would just understand what we're going through and that we need them to give us love but I don't think they will ever fully understand unless they are going through it.

Take care of yourself,
Alison.

Thank you (((( Kitty )))) for validating and understanding. I think a lot of my problem comes from within.....I just can't seem to find the energy to do what I know needs to be done and what I want to have done. Maybe I'm harder on myself than anyone else is, but it sure would be nice for someone to notice I'm struggling and offer some help now and again. It seems that since I've always been the strong one, always been the one to get it done and to support others that when it's my time for needing assistance they seem to be blind to it, ignorant of it or just plain don't care.

(((Seara)))

I'm so sorry to hear about the problems with the family. Double hard around the holidays.

I like Ali's idea about writing a letter. I know hubby and I had to have a major talk when all this started. Both to let him know I would need help and for him to let me know to open my mouth when I needed help.

For me, it took me a long time to get to the point of asking for help. I'm a perfectionist in heart, and no one seems to do it the right (aka my ) way. But I've learned to not let it get to me as much anymore. And like Kitty said, if it doesn't get done even with my asking for help, it just won't get done.

My MIL still doesn't get it, but that's her nature. My family gets it all to well because of family history, and that can be almost as annoying since I have to reassure them quite a bit.

Hope things get better soon for you.

Seara - I'm so sorry for what you are going through, and I can so relate. I'm always the one who makes sure that everything gets done, holidays, birthdays, vacations, bills, housework. Unfortunately, most of the times when I'm feeling really bad, it isn't always visible to those around me. It's hard, but I've had to learn to ask for help and not wait for those around me to offer. Or, like this holiday season, I've accepted that I can't do all that I want to, and it's still going to be okay. I'm just trying to relax and enjoy the holiday.

I hope you can ask for and get the help you need and deserve! Take care of yourself first!

Ali, are you sure you are only 13?

Do You mind if I share your lovely Poem?


((((((((((((Seara)))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((Seara)))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry your family doesn't understand. I truly can say I do understand. The holidays just make all of what we go through just seem harder. Please know even though I'm not your family, I hear you. Hang in there and know we're here for you.

Ali, Thank you for your poem. You are truly wise beyond your years.

LOL - yeah, I promise you i'm only 13!! I hear so many people say that they can't believe i'm only that age and think i'm a lot older!

Of course I don't mind you using the poem - that is what it is there for and I am so glad you like it - it's amazing what you can do in a night when you can't sleep (that's when I find it easier to write poems for some reason!).

Thank you for your kind words - I hope you're having a good day!

Wow, Ali! Great poem! Too bad your Dad & family won't listen.

((((Seara)))), I'm so sorry you feel so alone. Where do you live? There's got to be someone who can help you (I hope).