You are most definately NOT a burden, Pete. Not to us, not to anyone. You are a human being who has been thru too much pain for too long. On again, off again meds make everything seem worse. Keep believing the best will come soon, we'll believe it for you as well. Nothing can stand against all that love & support!

I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with all of this James and hope and pray that you get some much needed answers and relief from your symptoms real soon. It isn't right that people are left to suffer like this just because the doctors don't know what they are on about.

I don't have MS but I had a similar problem with doctors. It took me nearly 5 months to get a diagnosis and they were the longest 5 months of my life. I had doctors telling me that my problems were Psychological even though my leg was freezing cold, blue and swollen! I couldn't believe it when the doctor said that to me and ever since that day, I have been really scared about going to the doctors because I just feel that no one will believe what I am experiencing. I had another doctor that mis-diagnosed me and diagnosed me with Paraneal Muscle Spasms (scar tissue on the nerve) and all of the PT's had different opinions - one said that she thought I was at risk of developing the condition I now have, others said I had torn ligaments, another PT thought all of the bones in my lower leg had fused together and that I would need a major operation etc etc.

We had to go to 5 different hospitals before we got an accurate diagnosis and it was only at the last hospital where the doctors knew exactly what was wrong with me and got me transferred to a different hospital where I could begin treatment.

When I didn't know what was the matter, I was SO scared and confused and angry at everyone because they didn't know what was the matter and I felt like they were the doctors and that they should have known what was wrong and how to make me better!! I often lashed out at doctors because I was so sick of them telling me that my problems were Psychological even though I knew something was very wrong!!

The Pain Managment Doctor and Neurologists that I have now are great but I am still scared of doctors and don't think I will ever go and see them now unless I absolutely have to. I have Physical Therapy once a week and I don't like my PT's that much so that makes things a lot worse for me - they just don't know how to talk to teenagers and talk to me like I am 1 lol.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this and really hope you get a proper diagnosis soon. I think sometimes it is so much better knowing what is the matter than not because when you don't know what is wrong, you go searching for answers and sometimes you can convince yourself that you have something so much worse than what you probably do!

It is SO important that you find a doctor who understands you and who has a good bedside mannor and I truly believe that if you aren't happy with your current doctor, you should go and get a second opinion.

Please know that you aren't alone and that many of us have been through what you are and we are all here for you if you ever need someone to talk to.

Please keep us updated when you can

awww Pete, hang in there.

I'm so sorry you're still not getting any answers, Pete. Doctors can be our best friends and our worst enemies all at the same time.

If your doctor isn't giving you the care you need in the manner you need it in I'd keep looking until I found one that could work with me...and not make me feel like someone just looking for another prescription. I know some of them can make you feel like that. And it's wrong.

It's easy for me to say "just keep looking".....and I know it's hard to do, especially when you really don't feel like going from doctor to doctor. Have you tried calling the NMSS or your local MS society to see if they can recommend someone?

Pete, you're NOT a burden. None of us are. We didn't ask for this. And constant pain can just drain the life and energy out of you so quickly. Please.....keep posting here. Get your anger and frustrations out online....it helps to write them down. Nobody here is going to judge you. We all understand. I just wish there was an easy answer for you.

Pete - I read this thread last night, but had to sleep on it. I didn't know how to reply.

A few years ago, I could have almost written your words myself. I hear the same frustration, almost panic.

In Jan it will be 7 yrs in limbo for me, more yrs with chronic pain. So I get it. I've seen over a dozen drs, some made me wonder where you could get a license to practice so easily.



I have finally found some to help me, but they still don't know what's wrong with me and I am still in a lot of pain. I still can not work and have horrible fatigue. I'm not half of what I used to be.

What I hear in your words is anger frustration and desperation. What is not there is self pity. You are not saying "Why me?" and You should know that, should be proud of that.

You say you were a cop? I'm sure you thought a lot about that before you went into that feild. I'm sure you faced some big challenges there.



It takes more than a big, strong body to do that job - it takes a strong mind.

My son was 5'4" and 110 lbs when he got his black belt in tai kwon doh.

I'll tell you what I told him the day of his test.

"After this, you can face any day - what can life throw at you that's worse than 10 people kicking your butt?"

Pete, you went to work day after day, not knowing if some bozo was going to pull a gun on you, or if you'd have to save a child in the middle of a domestic, or see a horrible car crash - what can life throw at you that's worse than that?

Life is uncertain now, but it was uncertain then, too.

The diff is, you chose that, and you have no choice now. Sometimes that happens, that you don't get a choice. But I figure if you were a big enough person to put yourself on the line for the rest of us, you can do this for YOU.



For me, I figure the answers will come or they won't, the pain will be here or I'll get some relief. Either way I'm not going to stop living to the best of my ability.

I'm gonna find whatever good I can this day, this minute. I'm gonna cling to whatever little thing this minute gives me to get through, these things give me strength. And when they fail, my friends carry me.

Hang in there Pete, you are stronger than you know.


Cathy

I guess right now--Today----finding out he switched me to 5 mgs---It was Hell I went thru them a little faster--Hell I did not know why the pain came back so intensely------Now today I am--will be out-------Then the roller coaster ride of pain gets insane with nothing---------That scares me----I am done with the Insane pain----I prefer it masked if even a bit------When the pain goes to the insane stage---Well my anxiety goes there too---


I will answer some of the emails----But right now---I hurt way too mush...like my head cant stay on my shoulders--yuck!!

I do so much appreciate you folks

Pete....you've always got friends right here who understand.

Pete, i'm sorry to hear of the pain that you are in and hope and pray that you start feeling better soon - you don't deserve to go through all of this and I am so sorry that you are .

Please know that we are all here for you and we DO understand what you are going through. Whilst I don't have MS, I understand the pain you are experiencing as I suffer from a Neurological, Chronic Pain Condition called CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) which is the highest known pain known at the moment according to the McGill Pain Scale.

I truly hope that you and everyone else that is suffering from pain finds something to help ease their problems real soon because I know how awful the pain is and how much it can destroy lives. Non of you deserve to go through all of this and you are all the best friends I could ever wish for!

Love and best wishes,
Alison.

Thanks again Ali-----------I would have never made it with your issues at your age-----

My ego is my biggest problem----My health woes really cause me shame---then the way the Medical Community treated me reinforced this shame-------

I will more than likely get to an ER---Trust me I do not Wanna----But----

And Yes I try to focus--- I handicap Horse races all day and night---I am alone so much---That keeps my mind working----I use the free Pandora Radio---So I always listen to things I like----

But being home alone for so long everyday---Not being able to use the stairs or go outside---It really feels like I am in the Home Arrest program----Except they have company---I get nill now---

I think once my friends came to the realization I was not going back to the old me---The could not cope---Or more likely I just did not have many-or any good friends--I can lie and say it does not bother me---But it does------Its been so long----So when a family member says call so an so---I quickly comeback with No ___________Way!!The the obligatory "its better than being alone"---I say---Where the heck were they when I needed them!?


So I do not know how you folks do it---All of you are truly amazing---And inspirational--

My thanks

No words, his time, just hugs..