[PJAMES]

I have been dancing this dance--going Doctor to Doctor---I get such conflicting info - It really T'ees me off-----These putzes some of them in their Lab coats---Ughh!---

MS is painful--Its NOT---Its MS---Its NOT-----Its a bad back--Its NOT------Your Depressed--That was great--they sent me to the Psychologist---She was like---You have a deep faith---Your active in other peoples lives, helping---You have an everyday hobby-----You need to get outta your pain---That is what has you depressed-------Um Duh---Not to her---She was nice-----like a sister------I went to return and she moved to another State----Then I was depressed------

OK---I get Anxiety attacks when I go to the Doctors-----Not why most think-----Its being a form of a cop----I am in control----I get so frustrated with these people---Some who are very demeaning---IE a surgeon in Beth Israel in Boston-----Rudest man ever------I wanted to deck him------I can't----1 am not strong enough---2 its wrong-------
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Now---My fear is I am going to die or be left in my pain----I am being punished for the Doctors ineptness--------2 years of my life has been raped from me---

I fear without a plan I will NOT see the other side--------And with my anxiety attacks caused from doctors visits---I really do not like to make more appointments---Kinda a cyclical suicide unfortunately------

Again 2 years 4 months ago---I could run 'bout 4-6 miles--Jog well over 10---until I was bored-----225 in weight --little body fat-----Played, hockey ,football and softball-----Hockey and football at a competitive level-----I got injured at work badly-----Then-----Everything went wrong----Plus my original injury wont heal!!!!! Now that is amazing------and frustrating---

What I need is help----Ya no duh----

I need help with a plan of attack------If not---I just know I will die....That is not hyperbol...

I will listen to any and all---Thanks--