pete,

i'm so glad your dr gave you these new meds. DO NOT feel bad that it is helping you. methadone is an approved med and helps many people in an intractable pain situation.

the kind of pain you were in stifles your total being. i'm glad that you're feeling well enuf to smell the roses. i'm sure it will con't.

your dr sounds like a winner.

Thanks---You know its soo weird---I have been here---And the Other Place----Basically in Limbo---Then Denial---And Now outta Limbo so it seems---It has not sunk in---I remember the nice Girl from MA---Who was Dx'd and she constantly doubted it----Back then I really did not understand---But Today--I understand where she was coming from--

I feel like the 3 year old who is always asking a million and 2 questions-----

On Accident I went to the 1st place I stopped when I needed info on this MS stuff---- I interacted a bit-----What struck me---Was the same threads Are there but the posters are different----As I read---I felt so sad----Knowing the Journey some of these new folks are about to endeavor----

Now I am on Hmm---Lets call it part 4 of my Journey----And I am sure----I will be asking the same questions as others who have come this way before me----

What strikes me---Is--OK MS has more Women-----Me Being a Cop---Have---Please forgive my honesty---Some sexism built in----I have been shot at---Stabbed --Had many encounters of hand to hand fighting for your life etc------But what strikes me-----Is I learned much off of your courage----Not mine----And yes the occasional men too----I learned from you folks-----I thought I was big and Bad----NAHHHH---Not anymore----You Mothers---You single Moms----Dads----All the ones who suffer and put a smile on some one else's face----Twinkle Toes comes to mind---Sox Mom---The Big Fella---Shucks I forget his name--Moose?--Nea Nea---The Nurse in the other Place who fixed me up with this Doctor---Neurologist-----

Sorry---I am being long winded-------I guess what I am trying to say----Is I do not know what the future holds----But in truth-----I grow---Grew----Listening to your example---Being a recipient of your love and strength-------Thanks------Maybe someday------Someone will look at me----And think the same thing?:grouphug:

You "sound" really good Pete.:) Im really so happy you are feeling so
good. :hug:

Wow, what a huge attitude adjustment since the pain has let up some, Pete!!!

(I was fit to be tied when I spent two yrs like that too! :().

Wishing you continued relief! :hug:

Cherie

I had a setback---Lost my total mind yesterday----Was a slow comer---Was happening slow---But when I got it to go away--Thought I was fine--

I spent the most part of the Saturday big snowstorm in the Hospital--------I was in total confusion--Total--everything bad-------They thought--the switch from Ocycodone--The BIG doses I was on?--- The Triage person cried---The nurse thought so too---I just felt like a POW who was being tortured---It was AWEFUL----G_D I made an a__ of myself yesterday----I woke in the biggest pool of sweat Saturday morning------Little less Friday Morning but tons---little less Thursday morning------I thought this was Par of the course?

Saturday the wheels fell off---I had the worst headache known to man---The Wife Expected me to be like the other days and was a confused as I was.


Finally after declaring I have been losing my mind all day---No stops----I had to---Get this---BEG to go to the E-effen R--ER-----She was quick in saying---Whattya they gonna due for you-----? :mad:--UGHHH!!!-----So it seemed---I was losing my mind and these recollections could be tainted---By--Actual madness----




LONG SToRY SHORT-----1 of the drugs is a Gabba that was drastically reduced----May have been withdrawals? from that----NOT the Opiates---Nor any antidepressant-----They adjusted some until Monday or Tuesday til I hear from the Neurologist======They did so much toxicology reports----Thought I was back at work---But Whollee Sh7---It was me---Ugh oh---Bad dream---


They said---Also--The dosage of Methadone and the Ceb--EDIT--BACLOFEN haha---CEB? Iam a celib--EDIT..--May be to high to quick- To take half for the next few until I reach him--But---After repeating the Nuros wishes---No one mess with his scrips------

The release paper was huge---explained every step---test finding---reason for the adjustment to him-----course mr Nuero has the last say-----


I did make an a-- with some who had the misfortune for getting a hold of me personally----UMMMMM super sorry Nea------From Here..


Yes I will forgive my wife-----I was sooooooooo outta it------I may have false memories------But I don't think on that---But I will forgive her--------Over my symphony of tinnitus---


Continued prayers would be cool======My Mom's one day at a time---Was already challenged-------Thanks for the advice Mom-----I think she looks in----------Justa hunch..


LORD I hope that was clear---that was a tough tough write-----


But today---I am as well as I could be---well mentally---Emotionally and spiritually-----Little---lot scared it will happen again-----But the first time I was shot at---It took 6 months for me to get scares---And when I did it was HARD------So i learned to cope---on a day to day basis-----that said------Today I get a passing grade----When I thought I had NO HOPE an F-------


So all the Prayers----Folks I covert those prayers---thanks--

love to you Pete

Pete, first off please stop being so angry with your wife, please. This is just as hard on her and she is frustrated too. I think sometimes people forget that watching a loved one in so much pain daily takes it's toll on them too. I know it has on Jim and I at times so give her a break and let her vent if she needs to. It's all so new to her and this downward spiral has her freaking out I am sure. It's the ms she hates, not you. Don't push her away or you could lose her. I am sorry for the lecture but if your marriage was strong before all this remember that. If you push her away it only breaks the trust in the marriage.

Second, methadone needs to be started slowly. Listen to them and cut back to half. Jim almost od'd on methadone when he first started. He had the confusion too. It gets in the system quickly and builds up so be very careful. Methadone can kill you if you od. Jim lowered his dose to half for a few days and gradually built back up to 20mgs twice a day and is doing fine now. It's a great med and in four years he hasn't needing to increase at all. I hope it works for you.

If your offended by my advice about your wife I apologize but I had to say it. She's your partner and while I understand your frustration and how you think she's being mean, think about what it would be like turned around. Wouldn't you feel frustrated if you couldn't fix her? Wouldn't you wish for a miracle so she could feel better? Don't you think at some point you'd be frustrated? She knows how the er has treated you before and honestly she was probably right about what could they do? They referred you to your neuro just like she thought they would. In all honesty the methadone probably played a number on your emotional status and your mind reacted in anger and frustration. When your in pain and feel like no one is listening sometimes one will react in anger and hurt. When Jim almost od'd we stayed at home and followed the docs advice of lowering it and stuffing coffee and water down his mouth. He was fine by the end of the day and hardly remembers what happened.

I've been doing this dance with Jim for 20+ years and we've been through it all. Ups, downs, crazy times, good times, bad times. It's part of the package. But if you both respect each other and allow each other the chance to be human you'll make it. :hug:

So sorry about your horrible day, Pete.:(

Prayers for You and DW, that things will improve and you both will be at peace and out of pain.:hug:

So sorry about the rough time of it, PJ! Hang in there and I really hope you can get to feeling better soon. You've had such a rough time of it!! And, Sandy's advice was heartfelt; she's really a wonderful caregiver/partner to Jim and cares deeply about the members here. Keep us posted on how your'e doing, OK.


{{{{Pete}}}}

So I cut down to a half med----Nope doesn't work----

So much I do not understand-----Such why did it start fine and help...Then hit the wall hard----OK----Now Neurologist whom is a MS Specialist too----Is in Boston---Me Worcester----OK-----Why is it hard even for him to find me a local Doc to ((help him help me)))) his words-----

What happened and when---When did this pain thing turn PC-----I felt so terrible today--Was driven to 3 different docs----Only to be turned away----My old pcp---did not even accept the letter from the Neurologists...

I am getting the feeling you gotto be in the pc illness to get ((the help))

Now my neuro is acting more like my agent in my young hockey days----Working the phones writing letters-----

I guess its just my luck----So no Baclofen for the rest of the week---And I already feel like poop--------

Whatta time to feel lousy again when 24 just begun-----Well, Jack hits the DVR until I hit another sunny day-----

My health lasted as long as most of my friends when I got sick----:winky:

Oh well--Could be worse-----My Nephews team could miss the Super Bowl...Oh ya--They did---Well Dungy is still his coach------oh....My Wife said he just resigned---------

Well at least I don't have a cold---Good one-------Well I do not------

Its been a long day---I am going to find a track that is running Tuesday----And try to make a buck-------Anybody have a printing press?

Ah--Maybe a real friend would do------I have not had a friend from the force---or my sport teams visit me since 1 did after my jan 22nd 2008 surgery

the random call I get----Is---Hey how you feeling----Hey I twisted my knee----Do you have anything that I could take for that......When I said no every time---ALL calls stopped---------

My Nephews the NFL kid is getting married in Italy------All is going except for me-----UMMM who taught the kid---Not his Dad------Today I also find out my settlement more than likely wont be until 2010 January-----Another poor year------

Thanks for listening-------If your not thanks for pretending..

Sorry, Pete..:( Ya know, sometimes when I'm havin a bad day, I try to do something to make another feel better.....somehow it makes be feel better too.

Do something nice for the DW, tonight..:cool:

Feel better soon..:hug:

Could you slowly increase the dosage from 1/2 to full, since the full dosage WORKED but was perhaps too much to START off with?

Cherie

I hope they can get your meds straight and your pain under control again.:(
I think we are different people when not in pain. Once you are feeling
better you can get out and make new friends, good ones who really care
about you and enjoy being with you. :hug::hug::hug:

I just got my nice letter from Comp---My work Injury----They said I am totally disabled----Now go back to work:mad:

I may be to jaded for making any new friends now------Gawd I have been so P.O'd I have been sick all day-----All this is just drops in the bucket---Also brings my settlement money they are hoping down some---Unreal----

As My lawyer aid---A Cop---On Canadian Crutches at best---Whom can't discharge his weapon---Who can't stand----Ya right---Just mo' aggravation that I don't wanna handle-----I am cursed.. Worse---I am so done being a leaf being blown by the wind..

What does that mean? If you are totally disabled, how can you go back to work? :confused:

Are you using the hockey stick type or something? :D Didn't they tell you that you have to saw off the bent part at the bottom? ;)

Cherie

hang in there Pete.:hug::hug::hug:

OK Dr Kinkle is going to dump trying to get me to be OK with the Baclofen----He now is attempting to re-introduce Nueronton into the picture------Hopefully this will be a good move--I pray----I have had a lousy week since--------But I trust him------And He earned my trust---so that's good-----It should be filled sometime Friday-----

About the workers Comp stuff---Mr Attorney says not to worry its part of their game---I am full proof---Even that Doc said I was incapacitated------What cop can only answer phones---Besides on Barney Miller---I freaked for a moment---Now the moment is gone---BFD-----


I am strong enough to beat this-----Thanks for any and all who stood with me---It means a lot-----I am old school----It means a lot---I owe you---


Well I am off to Handicap some races down in New Orleans----tonite---


Oh Cherie--It meant I was totally disabled-----But I can answer a phone-----hahahahaha---pretty funny-------I cant hold or fire my weapon-----Um---that's rule number 1---but who follows silly rules anyway..

I guess what they mean is that you'd just have to find a desk cop-job, where you are fully enclosed in bullet-proof glass, in an otherwise safe town, with a head-set receiver, you don't need to sound coherant for more then 20 seconds at a time . . . and no one minds if you sleep on the job 1/2 the day!

Must be plenty of cop-jobs around like that?!? ;) :D

Cherie

Did you speak with my Laywer?

That is darn close to what he said---Yep..

First MAJOR screw up---Bye Bye pension and retirement----Ummm No. no thank you..

Now They Must take me to court----Accept my settlement---The Chess game continues--

I hope the neurontin helps Pete...Is that the drug you stopped cold turkey?
if it is...no wonder you were sick. I got sooooooo sick when I did that..
the neuro on call said..."really???, never heard of that happening." ..
dumb@$$.:rolleyes:

anyways, hang in there...things have GOT to get better.:hug:

No it wasnt that one---But I did hit the wall with it before----300mg 3x per day was a much as my system could take---