[seara]

Yep, Friday morning....8am is my appt with the neuro. This should be interesting....I'm anxious to see if she is just as invalidating as the last neuro I had *sigh*. I'm praying not!!!

I was able to find all my paperwork on my test results from 2002, from bloodwork to MRI's to evoked potentials and EEG and lumbar puncture. During the last stint of testing, I had sat down and written out things that had happened during my teens and adulthood that separately, meant basically nothing, but when looked at together over the years, could very well have been preludes to an MS dx. The last neuro wouldn't even look at what I had written.

So, yep, I got it all together now, in a nice neat package and will hand it all to the new neuro in the morning. I'm really nervous about this. I keep thinking it's all in my head (yeah I know I know, but you know what I mean LOL). I keep telling myself I'm just lazy and looking for an excuse to not go to work, looking for an excuse to not having a life, looking for an excuse to feel sorry for myself.

I told a good friend the other day how I was thinking in that regard. She pretty much raised her voice and said..."Now wait a minute, you, of all people NEVER complain about illness. You push yourself and push yourself and you never cease to amaze me what you accomplish when I know damned well you are hurting!". Now, while hearing this from my dear friend is very validating and wonderful and I love her so much for saying that, I still can't keep this fear at bay that I'm being stupid and silly and lazy.

I don't want to have MS, but dang it, if I have it, I want to be treated NOW...not another 7 years from now when things may be so bad there is no hope at all. Am I looking at this the wrong way?? Heck, I'm not getting any dang younger here....I'm going to be 53 soon. I have 2 new grandbabies on the way this year....I have to be able to be there for my grandbabies and their parents...damn damn damn.


seara