A little pity party here.

I remember when I was little and felt complimented if someone thought I was older than my age. I was "all grown up."

MS has sucked a lot of life out of this body of mine.

Now I look old for my age and it is not just the mirror and my vanity speaking.

When I go out and friends, family, and strangers want to talk to me, I get the same comments.

I keep quiet because I do know their hearts are in the right place. I cannot stop their words without them becoming uncomfortable. I have just learned to nurse my ego and move forward.

I repeat, some should know better. I have told them and of course, they feel badly and completely understand the mistake. Some I just let it go, it is not as if I talk to them with any frequency.

As I said, their hearts are to be judged not their lack of understanding

But no matter what I am compared to their mother (these are people MY AGE who talk about their mothers) or people who are a bit younger that talk about their grandmother.

And people in their 80's use the term "we" when talking to me.

I am 55 years old. So many of my peers are healthy, wealthy and enjoying their empty nests.

I always thought I would be one of them.

It is not so bad to be me except for the totally innocent comments of people just trying to be nice and sympathize by using people in their 80's to relate.

My latest rant comes from going to my local fitness center to try a yoga class, to adjust it to stretch using my rollator as a companion. I know it prompted a stranger to refer to her 75 year old mother.

I do not fault her but yet, it was hard enough to walk into such a place with my contraption.

Just a vent. Sometimes I need to get it out in order to move forward.

Im sorry..even well meaning people can say hurtful things...

Here I am at 60, looking trim, young for my age and well.



Here I am at 68, not as trim, looking much older, and not looking quite as well w/MS progression.


It's not that you look old, Cyn, it's the gimp equipment. I was once walking with my cane at about 52 and a little boy said...look Mom, Grandma has one just like that and Mom smiled an affirmation.

What can I say. people are stupid.

If you look anything like your picture, I would have guessed you at 39/40ish...no way 50+..

I think you are both beautiful! No kidding!

I'm sorry, Cyn, that you are having a rough go of it. Must be the AZ heat.

I have days when I feel old, dumpy and fat. Then I have days where I feel young and "with it". I tend to stay home more then I used to so I'm sure that has something to do with it. Why "primp" when nobody but the cats are gonna see you?!

But really, I know what you mean. Just carrying my cane can make me feel older. But then I'll see someone younger than me with a cane and I don't think any less of them.....I even admire that they can "look so good" with a walking device.

It pretty much depends on my mood as to how I view myself any given day. But one person's offhanded comment (even well intentioned ones) can put a damper on my whole day.

I thought it was really cruel of life to:
1. in 2002 DX me with MS

2. by 2008 have gone in preceding years from Canadian crutches to rollator to wheelchair. There was menopause in there too!

3. As DH says, now I'm sitting on my best part, said "Wow" when I showed him, "That dress is great for you, but you don't stand up anymore, that dress would show off IF you did. Can you fit in that dress you wore once?"

In a chair no one sees you unless it's to be really kind. They also tend to talk loudly to you. I want to say "I can't walk, I'm not deaf. " Time and MS has taken my youth. But I guess even without MS, 53 would have hit me hard anyway..

signed,
a young person in an aging container.

So:
-I'm buying the dress anyway.
-I'm never give up my wrinkle creams, despite the price (not outrageous, but more than Supermarket - though Oil of Olay is suppose to be good)
-clothes shopping is a needed and necessary activity.

I hope to be a heck of an old lady.


PS The nice young Terminex man came, I don't thomk he sees anyone but someone in a chair.

Buy the dress, the cream, and go shopping! Be a heck of a lady! When/if I am in a chair, I'm going to pimp it out and embrace it. I've given a lot of thought to this depressing subject, so I want it to be the least depressing it can be, if it happens.

I hate that people are blind to people in wheelchairs. I saw a lady at the drug store about a month ago, struggling to get up the ramp in her chair. I went to her and offered to help, and she accepted. We got to talking, and she has MS too. We ended up talking in the drug store for an hour, and she was an awesome lady who's had MS since 1973. I made a new friend, just because I wasn't blind to her chair. Do unto others!