[angell]

I'm a bit better now... just got off the phone with a friend. I've never made a call like this before. Hurting so bad...unending pain and not the strength to shake it off and get in front of it. Needed to cry.

Doctor told me last visit that there are five stages of MG and I'm only a two or three so I'm not that bad. That's been renting a lot of space in my head lately - more than I care to admit.

Can't take more than 60 mg of mestinon without overdose symptoms and I don't feel any relief from 60 mg. So, doctor started me on presdnisone. 20mg for a week, then 40mg for another week, the 60mg with the idea of increasing mestinon along with it. I'm at the tail end of the second week and I finally put it together...the debilitating abdominal cramps are the steroids. So I called this morning. "Go back down to 20mg of prednisone."

I waited. Put it off as long as I could...the pain hit two hours ago. Feels like my guts are being wrenched out. Body shaking...muscles can't shake anymore. Fatigue. Sweating. Stools show evidence of bleeding. "Just go back down to 20mg..."

I've had three heart attacks. Been at work each time. Finished my shift and then drove myself to the hospital each time. I'm a tough sob...and this has me on my knees... but I'm "only a two or three; it's not that bad."

I'll be fine...but I'm not now. Just needed to check in with some folks that might get it. Thanks for being here.