I have started far too many threads, but I seriously need help. I am beyond terrified for this surgery coming up. I know that many of you have faced much more difficult things - but this is a near impossibility for me. I am about ready to cancel my surgery.

The pain gets worse nearly every day (today was about the same as yesterday, but yesterday was the worst that it has been). I am working, but am having extreme difficulty, mostly sitting at my desk these days.

I registered with another forum and they try to help, but my friends are here.

No one knows what is causing this, so this one obgyn wants to take care of everything, hoping that the cause will disappear. I wasn't prepared for that.

I am so terrified of going to sleep, of being hooked up in any way to any tubing, to having drugs pumped into me, of losing my memory (ie versed), of staying overnight - even of laying down in a hospital bed. I am going crazy.

I talked to my gp. She gave me a generic zanax. I have taken 1/2 of 3 pills in the last week. It takes 1 1/2 hours to get to sleep, but then I am drugged out for hours.

I talked with a friend who is a counsellor. I have so many issues that she is going to try to concentrate on just 2. Sleep, and getting me to feel that making a decision about surgery is empowering. I told her that I would try in the sleep dept, and would work on visualization (which I do anyway) but there was no way I would ever see making a decision about surgery empowering. I feel like a rat caught in a trap.

I used to use a wheelchair for shopping. Now that is too painful.

Anyway, if you have some other advice, please let me know.

mama