Hey Everyone,

I am new here and looking for some community input.

I struggled with really bad muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders since 2006 (no major trauma that I am aware of). After a host of X-Ray's, MRI's, Drugs, Physical Therapies throughout a year, I finally had an ACDF surgery in Oct. 2009. After the recorvery period I was fine for a month. I was starting to get my life back, and then it all came back with a vengeance. Worse than it was before. The surgery seemed to fix the numbness, but I still have shooting pain throughout my body. The muscle spasms are really bad, on the way home from work they put me in tears and I'm one of those guys that never cries.

I can live with the shooting pain in the arms and legs but the neck/shoulder spasms just never seem to let up.

I am seeing a neurosurgeon, physical therapist, massage therapy, and obviously primary care.

I am taking Neurontin, steriod dose pack, zoloft, robaxin, advil, and pain killers on/off (Vicodin & Oxycodone).

Unfortunately I have had a history of substance abuse (got clean for 1yr + when my daughter was born) that all of my medical providers are aware of (because I told them). All are very reluctant to include pain killers as a part of my therapy which seems to be the only thing that actually helps. There are times I wish I never told them.

I just had an EMG that was negative. I had a CT myleogram that shows significant spinal stenosis throughout my neck. My neurosurgeon wants another MRI before he decides what course to take next.

I'm not sleeping well at all, I feel lost. I feel like a burden to my wife, and I feel like it takes more than I have to play with my little girl. I burst in to tears when I'm layed up on the couch and my little girl asks me to play with her, and I don't feel like I can.

It feels like all the Dr's I've seen just don't get it. I try to tell them how much pain and suffering I'm in. I think they think I'm just an addict trying to score meds. I can't deny that there is a desire there, but they don't seem to understand how much pain & suffering I'm actually in. The tests they order take forever, the meds they have me on don't work, I'm doing all the other therapies they have suggested and nothing is working. When I call them for help, they tell me just to deal with it and wait until my follow-up appointment that is a month out. How does that help me when I've slept a total of 4 hours over the last two days?

I want to be a good Dad and be there for my family. I'm just frustrated, tired, lost, depressed, angry, and worst of all in a lot of pain.