[Mizzpinkiepie]

Hello. Not only am I new to this site but I am new to blogging in general. I have started due to my pure desperation at the moment. I guess ill start with my age: 24...which seems to be incomprehensible to doctors that someone my age is such a mess. I was born with congenital lumbar spinal stenosis. Degenerative disk disease, 5 protruding disks- lumbar & cervical, 2 torn disks later I can hardly take care of myself let alone the 3 kids under 3 that ive been blessed with even though I was told I could never have kids. They are my life and keep my going on a daily basis.

I need a lumbar fusion and laminectomy at minimum but because of my age the 4 different surgeons that I have seen have quickly refused to operate. I have been a human pin cushion since the age of 18 when I was FINALLY diagnosed instead of the usual "pulled muscle" diagnosis. Steroid injections, facets, acupuncture, meds and more meds and so much more...Nothing has been successful in relieving the pain. I am currently using narcotic pain meds to manage the pain which gives me very minimal pain relief and I despise because of their addictive qualities. I hate reaching for pills constantly.

I have a great family but none of them can truly understand pain so severe that you pass out, black out, throw up and fall from on a regular basis. I feel like a burden to them.

Five years ago I was on top of the world. Im a nurse and had dreams of becoming a CNP and helping other people....I never thought that with the gradual decline of my health that my dreams would fall to the way side as well.

Every time a doctor walks into my room and says "but your too young to have all of these problems" i cringe. You think I dont know that?? I bet they have no idea what it feels like to look perfectly normal on the outside but feel like your dying on the inside. People are quick to judge that im not in pain because I look and act fine. Heres the thing: I was born into a life of pain- ive become a pro at putting on a perpetual smiley face. No one likes to be around someone so miserable from the constant pain so I give them what they want....but I suffer from that too because no one knows that every day is a struggle. A struggle just to get through the day.

I feel....desperate....desperate for help. For someone to take me seriously. To know im not the only one in this predicament at such a young age. Im not a drug addict and i do not over exaggerate. When I was diagnosed they told me the chances of my being wheel chair bound by the age of 30 was a good possibility. With the gradual decline ive noticed over the last 3-5 years im thinking they were probably right....but where does that leave me and my children? They need a mother, my husband needs a wife...and I need to be able to live my life like a normal 24 year old....but how? I feel trapped in a body that inhibits normal life and I dont know how to change this path im on...

[Alffe]

Hi mizzpinki and welcome to Neuro Talk. Here is the link to our Spinal Disorders Forum..http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum22.html

You won't feel all alone much longer..lots of friendly folks there. I'm glad you have joined us but sorry for your pain and suffering.

[tamiloo]

I first want to welcome you to Neuro Talk...

I have a lot in common... I usually call myself the great pretender. I walked into church this past Sunday using my cane...instantly I felt all eyes on me. After the meeting my friends came to me with many questions.

I look forward to getting to know you better. I do a lot lurking so l am always close by. You take care my dear.

[Mizzpinkiepie]

Originally Posted by tamiloo

I first want to welcome you to Neuro Talk...

I have a lot in common... I usually call myself the great pretender. I walked into church this past Sunday usinga cane...instantly I felt all eyes on me. After the meeting my friends came to me with many questions.

I look forward to getting to know you better. I do a lot lurking so l am always close by. You take care my dear.

Its easier for people to just pretend your ok....When asked to explain about my pain I always reply SSDD....unless they have about an hour so I can be honest and explain and then all I can see is the pity on their face. I dont like being pitied. I have always been a head strong woman...out of nursing school at 18 and on top of the world...my worst fear is pity. Thank you for your reply. Its nice to feel....normal here :-)

[Darlene]

Happy to see you have come to be with us. Just let us know if we can be of any help.

There are great and caring fellow members here to assist you. Our shoulders are here for support in many ways. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around.

Darlene