[TBI/PTSD]

My name is Hilary, I am 42 and an active duty Marine. I have had loads of trauma in my life and 5 concussions. I had a pressed wood door fall on my head and knock me out when I was 16, I had stress induced migraines so I went to the ER and the gave me Vicoden and told me to drive home. I made it hope but passed out on hard wood floors when I got home and knocked myself out and split my head open when I was 35. I was doing Martial Arts training and knocked myself out in Iraq when I was 37. When I was 38 in 2008, I was riding my bike crossing properly at an intersection and was T-boned by a Lincoln Town car going 45 mph. I was airborne 53 ft and uncouscious w two broken legs road rash and TBI. Finally in Aug 2011 I wiped out roller blading and knocked myself out. The last accident brought me to my knees and I have not been able to work since. I have been on anti depressants alot of my life and now I am on alot more than that. My doctor say that I was crazily managing my life and with the last accident, I lost all ability to do that anymore. My doctor likened my life before my last accident to a wine glass that was full to the brim. When I got my last concussion, the wate went everywhere and I couldn't control it by playing whack-a-mole any more and I crumbled. So today, a year later, I am getting medically separated from the USMC, I used to be so social coordinating block parties, entertaining etc....now I can't be around people. I can't thing straight, I am depressed, my world is very, very small. I have a service dog, Trip, I got him when he was a puppy and he went away to get trained to be my service dog and I can't live without him. I do tons of yoga, running, paddle boarding and hiking, all alone and I do too much. I ping between anxiety and depression and loathe the point when I have both because I can't rest and I can't do anything. I am not sure what king of work I can do. I have a graduate degree that means nothing to me. I am claustrophobic, paranoid, OCD, and hate authority. I can't drive more than an hour and a half. It seems I spend all my time trying to relax, getting rest w the help of Trazadone and Depakote, eating well, exercising so I can simply function. I hate people w Pom poms trying to cheer me on, the people at the hospital don't even get it. I a supposed to be working on a resume but I look at all of my fitness reports from 15 years in the UMSC, and I was competitive but none of that means anything, I am not that person anymore. I don't know what I can or want to do so I can't write a resume, it is all too soon. I don't want material things anymore, I don't want a big house, I want to move to the mountains with my dog and live near my parents. Family means a great deal to me now. I was married, not now and don't want to date can't fathom sex. I know God has a plan and thank God I have been sober for a long time or this would be worse. Thanks. Would love to hear from someone. Hilary .

[tamiloo]

Wanted to welcome you to Neuro Talk!! I noticed you have found your way around!! I suffer from PTSD but at a different level than you. Hope your able to find answers to questions...I have posted the link for Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome Forum...
Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome

[Darlene]

Hilary,

Hello and welcome each of you to NeuroTalk. Happy to see you have come to be with us. Here are a great number of dear friends to listen when you are in need of ears. Please let us know how we can help you out. You will find out we are supportive and relaxing place.

Check under the following forum by clicking on it, hopefully it will assist you:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum38.html

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darlene

[Lightrail11]

Originally Posted by TBI/PTSD

I don't want material things anymore, I don't want a big house, I want to move to the mountains with my dog and live near my parents. Family means a great deal to me now.

I know God has a plan and thank God I have been sober for a long time or this would be worse. Thanks. Would love to hear from someone. Hilary .

Welcome to Neurotalk, and thank you for sharing your story with us.

I too am a TBI survivor and also a longtime friend of Bill W.

When I think back on my accident I also think about the Friedrich Nietzsche quote: "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". It sounds like you have already made great progress simply by realizing some of the things you want and some of the things you don't. Recovery is a journey that can include surprising opportunities for growth. I sincerely hope you continue to find yours.

[Darlene]

Hello and welcome each of you to NeuroTalk. Happy to see you have come to be with us. Here are a great number of dear friends to listen when you are in need of ears. Please let us know how we can help you out. You will find out we are supportive and relaxing place.

So sad to hear about you situation with your job. Hopefully you will have good luck on your meeting.

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darlene

[Mist8012]

Thank you Darlene for the warm welcome