[TBI/PTSD]

My name is Hilary, I am 42 and an active duty Marine. I have had loads of trauma in my life and 5 concussions. I had a pressed wood door fall on my head and knock me out when I was 16, I had stress induced migraines so I went to the ER and the gave me Vicoden and told me to drive home. I made it hope but passed out on hard wood floors when I got home and knocked myself out and split my head open when I was 35. I was doing Martial Arts training and knocked myself out in Iraq when I was 37. When I was 38 in 2008, I was riding my bike crossing properly at an intersection and was T-boned by a Lincoln Town car going 45 mph. I was airborne 53 ft and uncouscious w two broken legs road rash and TBI. Finally in Aug 2011 I wiped out roller blading and knocked myself out. The last accident brought me to my knees and I have not been able to work since. I have been on anti depressants alot of my life and now I am on alot more than that. My doctor say that I was crazily managing my life and with the last accident, I lost all ability to do that anymore. My doctor likened my life before my last accident to a wine glass that was full to the brim. When I got my last concussion, the wate went everywhere and I couldn't control it by playing whack-a-mole any more and I crumbled. So today, a year later, I am getting medically separated from the USMC, I used to be so social coordinating block parties, entertaining etc....now I can't be around people. I can't thing straight, I am depressed, my world is very, very small. I have a service dog, Trip, I got him when he was a puppy and he went away to get trained to be my service dog and I can't live without him. I do tons of yoga, running, paddle boarding and hiking, all alone and I do too much. I ping between anxiety and depression and loathe the point when I have both because I can't rest and I can't do anything. I am not sure what king of work I can do. I have a graduate degree that means nothing to me. I am claustrophobic, paranoid, OCD, and hate authority. I can't drive more than an hour and a half. It seems I spend all my time trying to relax, getting rest w the help of Trazadone and Depakote, eating well, exercising so I can simply function. I hate people w Pom poms trying to cheer me on, the people at the hospital don't even get it. I a supposed to be working on a resume but I look at all of my fitness reports from 15 years in the UMSC, and I was competitive but none of that means anything, I am not that person anymore. I don't know what I can or want to do so I can't write a resume, it is all too soon. I don't want material things anymore, I don't want a big house, I want to move to the mountains with my dog and live near my parents. Family means a great deal to me now. I was married, not now and don't want to date can't fathom sex. I know God has a plan and thank God I have been sober for a long time or this would be worse. Thanks. Would love to hear from someone. Hilary .