Hello all. I am glad to have found this forum.

I am 44 years old and hurt my back 4+ years ago, thinking it would get better, but it's only gotten worse. I also fractured my pelvis in '05. Presently, im told I have grade 1 Spondylolisthesis, disc degeneration, stenosis, bulging disks and moderate to severe sciatic pain that radiates all the way down to my big toe, up my calfs, my hips, back and buttocks.

I had a spinal cord stimulator implant (aka the 'bionic bandaid') done in '09, and though it works, it's not a lot of relief. Because I still work a full time job, I am trying to cut down or eliminate narcotics, but they help with the pain by taking the edge off. It doesn't help that I'm allergic to anything oxy-ish, along with morphine, latex, naproxen, sulpha and other antibiotics.

I have a very stressful job, truly love what I do, but was threatened with being fired after I had the implant done because my job tried to say that I'm disabled, which I don't believe I am, yet. Thankfully, I am a member of a union, and union reps and lawyers stepped in and said that was a big no-no. I'm terrified that if I have the surgery I need to "fix" my back that I will lose my job and have nothing.

I'm now starting to have problems with my hands, more on the right than on the left. My grip strength is getting weaker and weaker and I have a lot of pain, swelling, stiffness, numbness and tingling.

My vision also is becoming strange - when I wake up in the morning, I've discovered that I have to get up at least an hour early so that the double vision and blurry eyesight fades. I've always had good vision, but have discovered I need readers just to look at my phone to see who is calling.

I've had literally hundreds of injections - LESI, trigger point, TFESI, piriformis, etc... And am getting ready to have a set of diagnostic facet injections so that I can try having something called a RFA (radio frequency ablation) done, again, so that my doc can deaden the nerve(s) causing the most problems.

I am unable to sleep comfortably, and never for very long, because if I sleep on either side, the hip on that side literally begins to throb and I have to switch to the other side. My hands, sometimes both at the same time, are numb, asleep and mostly useless during the night. Im unable to sleep on my stomach, though it's the most comfortable so long as I use a very large pillow, folded to make it as thick as possible under my hips. I try to sleep on my back, but I apparently snore more than I'd like to admit which leaves me waking with a sore throat and sinues.

Then there's a newly discovered bunion on my left foot that produces an unimaginable amount of pain, so I've got a "trial pair" of orthotics, while I battle with my insurance company to get the custom ones made, toe spacers and leaving behind most women's shoes because they don't have ample room for my swollen, tender feet plus orthotics.

My feet and ankles as of late are so swollen that I no longer see the definition that once was my calf. I'm frequently dropping things because my hands simply lack the strength to hang onto anything.

I'm only 44 years old, not ready but any means to retire, but I feel like my body is betraying me. Most of the time I'm so exhausted, I'm barely home from work and crashed on the couch.

I've tried Lidocaine and Flector patches, as well as fentanyl patches, Lortabs, Gabapentin, dilaudid, buprenorphine patches... I've got a big long list of things that might work a little at first, then not at all, or with wicked side effects.

Not to mention, on top of everything else, it as been 102+ degrees for over a month and though I do "ok" in the cold, the heat saps my strength and stamina very, very quickly.

The most recent thing I'm trying is a compounded cream that has 7 ingredients including ketamine, Gabapentin and a few other things. It's just been a week, and barring any more unseen nonsense with the employees at the company I'm getting this very expensive compound from, I hope that I can get some relief and some REST. The cream has a strange, tacky texture to it and a simply awful odor. On top of that, I'm not sure how the doctor and pharmacist came up with this particular compound... But it seems to be so-so. The directions say to rub it into the affected area 3-4 times per day for at least 2 minutes per area, times several pretty large area am which seems to have given me extreme nausea as a side effect. After rubbing this stinky, nausea-creating compound in for 10-12 minutes... I'm exhausted.

I apologize for this being so long, Im beginning to feel the end of the rope is near and that I'm going t have to have major surgery. I don't have family near me and few friends that I could depend on and trust to help me if I were to have major back surgery.

I think I'm in or approaching menopause, which has its own batch of interesting and adventurous side effects. Grrr. I've made a list to take with me to my next doctor appointment and am hoping he will do blood test(s) to determine if there is something underlying that I am unaware of. Ya think?

Diabetes? Carpal tunnel? CRPS? MS?

Im really just looking for unbiased support and someone to LISTEN (or read) what I am saying, and maybe provide some advice or direction.

Thanks for reading.

Me, The-Up-Too-Late-Because-I-Can't-Sleep-Version

I am so sorry for your suffering and truley feel bad foe you. Feel free to vent I feel most of us do. I have not been here long at all but have found great support here. I am just a little older than you and also truley enjoyed my job. My injury has left me with not enough upstairs to do it plus I get utterly fatigued with no effort at all.

Most days are long and painful and I struggle to contribute. Here I have found I can offer kind words and if I am lucky a little knowedge. I cant do anything I used to so I despartely try here.

Hope you feel better.