[mermaidnat]

Hi there. I'm struggling a lot with mood. I was diagnosed with adhd in my early twenties and now I'm in my mid-thirties. Most of that time I've been on ritalin and/or adderall. I've also been pretty depressed most of my adult life - though the adhd meds help a bit.

Over the last year, I've gotten a psychiatrist who is pretty willing to try different stuff with me. I've tried most types of anti-depressants with little positive result (and negative side effects).

The SSRIs have made me more angry/irritable or just plain foggy.

The SNRIs have caused me to have amnesia - I am still getting reports of things that happened while I was on effexor last year at this time. I had no memory that we celebrated Christmas on Christmas eve last year - I didn't even believe it. I was also super-clumsy on it.

Wellbutrin causes me to make weird errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation.

My current meds include ritalin and adderall simultaneously (I know this sounds weird, but my impression is the ritalin knocks out some of the receptors used by the adderall, so it doesn't end up being or feeling like twice the dose of stimulants). This has been pretty effective in managing at least my work and driving.

On the ritalin alone, I had fewer feelings and was maybe a bit more heartless and mean. On the adderall alone, it was increasing my anxiety/rumination.

Also, I have been taking donepezil - which has mainly been prescribed for dementia and alzheimers. My hope was that it would improve my executive function. I think it makes me a bit sharper and helps with my working memory (I can remember a longer string of numbers from one moment to the next - which is part of my normal work. However, I think it might be increasing my irritability - and if I forget to take it for half a day, it's like I'm a space cadet with a headache.

And I take clonopin and xanax. These have helped a lot - and seem to have kept me from falling into another depression.

I think my depression starts off as anxiety then moves quickly to overwhelm and then I just give up and sink.

I've been having a lot of anger and irritability lately. There's a lot in my life that's upsetting me, and I seem to be stuck in this victimy vortex. I'm unhappy a lot and angry a lot - I vent about it to my mom but try to behave on the outside at work and at home. I just feel like I've been blaming and obsessing the people closest to me at work and home.

I might talk to the psych about weaning off the donepezil, but I was having anger issues before the donepezil too.

I think the ADHD brain is differently wired - I really want to stop ruminating on bad things all the time, stop blaming everybody and everything else for things I'm unhappy about and find some way to be more relaxed and maybe occasionally cheerful even.

I found this site while looking for ways to decrease anger. I'm just so angry. I guess I wish there were a med that would fix anger and depression that actually worked with my neuro-chemistry.

I've never been hyperactive - I have pretty low physical energy and always have. Except that I fidget and speak quickly. And think super-quick. But I have all the classic symptoms of the inattentive type of adhd.

Anyway, howdy.

[Darlene]

mermaidnat,

It is great to have you come and be with us. You will fine a great number of dear friends to listen when you are in need of ears. Please, just let us know how we can help you out. You will find out we are supportive and relaxing place.

Click on the following forum there a great number of fellow members there to assist you.

Depression:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum37.html

Anxiety and OCD:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum50.html

Please keep us up to date on your condition. Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Rrae]

Welcome to NT!

You've found a great place for support and understanding!
Please make yourself right at home and feel free to look through the forums and post anywhere you feel inclined. There's alot of good information here at NT, and lots of caring people.

Just holler if you have any questions or need help finding your way around!
It's great to have you!

Rae