[mybella]

I am married, middle age, three children. 22, 16 and 13. Marriage is strong and older children seem to be well grounded now, I say now, we had issues with both of them in the past but seem to have conquered those storms. As I write, our 13 year old daughter is in a psychiatric hospital for taking over 30 pills, a cocktail of sorts this past Monday. It could have been fatal, she wrote a "see you later" note and I found this when I came home from the ER to gather some clothes for her mandatory inpatient stay. She was hospitalized 3 weeks ago for risky behavior and putting herself at risk. She snuck out of the house for the third time in the midle of the night with people we, and I doubt she knew other than from facebook. The hospital kept her for 3 days, and referred her to outpatient therapy. Things spiraled downward, she found my older daughters i phone and kept it in her room posting on twitter and facebook. It culminated when my usband and daughter seen her using it and took it off of her. She ran away, and after about 2 hours they found her, brought her home, she was agitated and screaming terrible things, and we did not react. AT that time, she took over 2 dozen trazadone, large amount of baby aspirins. It made her ill and after she wrote her suicide note she came out and said somethings wrong I took your pills. Took her to the er and she threw most of them up. She was placed on IV hydration. She was so sweet, like I had my daughetr back, telling us that she loved us , and wanted me to hug and hold her. We cried together and I wanted to take her back home, but we couldn't she went to cildrens hospital until she was medically stable her mood was normal, she talked to us I laid in bed with her. The next day when she found out she was being sent to an inpatient mental health facility she completely turned us off. She again stated how much she hates me, cant even stand to look at me, I make her sick. She wouldnt participate in the family conference call when I was on the line and would only talk to my husband. She is allowed 10 minute calls 4 times a week, and we can only go see her 3 times a week for an hour and she is refusing to have us come, doesnt want to see us face to face. Our hearts are broken, and I can't see anything promising right now, but a daughter who is damaged by us???...and doesnt want to come home. No physical or verbal abuse, home environment is nonstressful until she enters it, but she is not able to recognize that. She denies she needs help and will not work with the therapists. When she came home over 2 weeks ago, she refused to go to outpatient therapy then as well. She has had behavior problems at school and with her friends, so in all areas. I'm praying that my husband and I will find the strength to deal with this, and that she can find the strength to conquer her anger depression hostility. She doesnt want anyone to know, so in turn we have been made to act like everything is fine. I am angry that she did this and it is not unlike her to never show any emoathy toward hurting anyones feelings except her friends. My husband has gone backto work but I have not been able to get myself dressed and go out yet. I am going to try next week, but it is realistic that I may lose my job, and I am the primary breadwinner in the family. Everything is falling apart and I pray that God has a plan to keep it together.