[Mom-E]

Hello my name is Ellie and I am the mother of two sons. My oldest has always been very intellegent in gifted classes through middle school and then crashed. In the nineth grade he started cutting himself, in the tenth grade he told me he had no feelings and so he could not love. He was very angry and had a volitile temper we got him therapy and medication and while he went the goth route to my dismay he seemed pretty good and I have always tried to keep open lines of communication actually until recently we have gotten along very well. My son is now 21 and it seems like the day he turned 21 he went crazy, he started drinking even though his psychiatrist and I and my husband tried to stop this to no avail now he is also smoking which makes me crazy because my dad was 35 when he died from complications from smoking and drinking. Last week maybe the week before I went into his room at about noon and woke him up because he had already missed two classes only to be told that he hasnt been attending school (college) that I work my butt off to pay for. So I called his counselor who is helping to keep him in school got that lined up because my son doesn't want to quit (at least that is what he is saying right now) He has been going to the casino gambling, got two bank accounts overdrawn, goes to work at a parttime job after sleeping all day and doesn't come home or call, and this week I got a letter in the mail saying if he doesn't pay a speeding ticket he will loose his license for two years. I am worried sick bending over backwards to help and for some reason he isn't speaking to me, he has no respect and does as he pleases. My husband wants to kick him out but I know he will never take his meds then I just don't know what to do I love him so much and he is breaking my heart again not to mention the stress in all of this. I also have to be careful because his younger brother is also being torn apart in this and I am constantly reminding myself not to ask him too many questions about his brother and it is driving me crazy because my husband has no tolerance and doesn't want to hear it so I am so glad to have found this community and am very much looking forward to learning from other members and hopefully getting some understanding and support.

[Ellie]

Welcome, Ellie. And might I state what an exceptionally wonderful name you have?!

Your story sounds all too familiar to me, and your son sounds a lot like my brother. I'm not sure if he's still cutting, but if he is you do have reasoning for having him admitted to an inpatient facility (reasoning: he's a danger to himself).

It's a hard position to be in, I'm sure. But you do need to look out for yourself and the younger child, too. I know the more my family did for my brother, the more he 'hated' them. He hated me, too and I didn't even do anything. I'm sure down the road, he will realize you were doing your best to help him, but in these situations - they never see it as help. So don't think it's you and don't take the grumpiness it brings (and it will) personally.

Hopefully you make yourself at home here and stick around so you can get some tips if needed and to let some of that stress out. I'm sure you're exhausted!

Again, welcome! I wish the best of luck for you and your family.

[loisba]

Welcome, Mom-E! I'm so sorry you are having so many problems. Like Ellie said in her post, you have to keep sight of the need to protect yourself and your younger son. Hope you find some solutions.
Hugs,