My PCS story-ies are varied, but all equine related.
Like most sport enthusiast, I refuse to give it up. Mine are all flukes really any way.
The last one was a level 4 concussion and I was out about 8 minutes. That was 3 years ago, and until about 1 1/2 years ago, I didn't know much about PCS. I still don't really, nor do most of the Dr.s in my little po-dunk area.
So, the frustration is unbearable sometimes.
The poor memory. Migraines (bad enough all I can do is sit in a dark room and cry). Ear ringing. Sometimes if I get frustrated even a little, its like someone flicks a switch and I get SO angry or SO upset I feel like I'm running wild circles inside, and can't get out.
I still have days where for no reason, I'm so utterly exhausted, my limbs are literally heavy to move. You know that seriously run down feeling when you get really ill? I don't sleep. If I do, its for a few minutes at a time.
A lot of times, I can't make decisions, and it frustrates the hell out of me because my family just think I'm being "flaky" or "silly". Its like I can SEE the answer to what is frustrating me, but I can't get it in to the shape of words.
Does that make sense?
I have days where I don't give a crap about anything. It's not being really depressed so much as I just don't care. Just very flat and dull in the personality that day?
Oh, I DO have days that I am depressed. Most meds make me sick to my stomach, or break out in hives.
I have problems regulating my temperature sometimes, and go through bouts at night where I shiver, or sweat. If I get too cold, my fingers go white from half way down to the finger tips.
Probably loads more I'm not thinking of at the moment.
I am an equestrian and I used to train horses. It sucks because that was SUCH a passion of mine. I never had a horse I was breaking or training hurt me. My accidents were mainly on the ground. A horse swung it's head to look, and I was in the way. Or helping a mare over in a stall that got wedged against a wall (the last "big one"). She jumped up, and threw me jaw first in to a concrete wall. Once I came too, went to a Walk In. They sent me across the street to the ER. Told me to bring the results right back. Plenty of time before we close, they said. Go BACK over to the Walk In.
CLOSED.
SO, BACK over to the ER to talk to someone in radiology. All the radiologist said was, "I can't say anything...but don't go to sleep."
Super.
Next day, I take the results to my family physician.
Hairline fracture to my sinus cavity. Blew 80 % of my left ear drum. And torqued my TMG muscle.
It really wasn't too excruciating from some of the wrecks I've had, but definitely the worse and the one that's most left it's "mark".
I can't train horses any more. Or "break" them. I can't take the risk. And that sucks.
My neurologist says "one more head knock, you'll be in diapers"
The last one was my 6th concussion on paper, so...I guess at 33, I need to take it easier.
I am more careful these days, and am much more aware of how big and how powerful my "co-workers" are now. Careful, but not afraid.
Frustrated, and angry about ...well, I guess where do I fit in now? really.
This is my business and my life.
I used to compete hard, now I just don't have the energy.

Any way...sorry about the ramble.
Just happy I'm "not alone"...when I often feel very much on my own.

~Warm Regards,
Mary
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