Hey everyone,

This is my first time posting on the site. I've come here because I've found what's written on these threads to be helpful, and I wanted to share my story with people who understand what I'm going through.

It all started last May. During my college's spring weekend celebration it's a practically a tradition to get blackout drunk. As a frequent and unfortunately heavy drinker, I of course partook. My first concussion occurred later that day, when I was running down a steep hill to catch up with my friends. My eyes were focused on them instead of my feet, so my foot caught a curb at the base of the hill causing me to fall violently on the ground head first. My eyelid was pouring blood and I was sent to the hospital, got 7 stitches, and an info sheet about head trauma, but didn't get any followup for a concussion, even though I didn't know the day or year. Instead of resting, I toughed it out and took my finals.

Fast-forward 4 months to September. I just got back on campus after summer and was driving about 45 mph down a long straight road with great visibility, when someone decided to blow a stop sign in front of me, forcing me to collide with them. My car was totaled and I suffered another concussion in this accident. I went to my school's health services clinic to have it documented, but they did a cursory evaluation, didn't give me any advice other than to "rest", and told me to come back only if things got worse. I took it easy for a week, and then resumed my normal physical activity and school work. Keep in mind, I'm a college student so I have been drinking throughout this entire ordeal because I had never been told not to.

One month later, I was playing ultimate frisbee. I'm the captain of my school's team, so I never considered stopping my play because I didn't think my head injuries were that serious. At a tournament, I had a violent collision with another player in which my head went into a player's shoulder at full speed sending both of us to the ground. After a minute, I got up, felt dizzy, and knew that I had gotten another concussion. For those of you keeping score at home, that's 3 concussions in 5 months.

But, as I had with all my previous concussions, I tried to tough it out. As a Psych/Pre-med, I didn't want to take a semester off to recover because it would delay my matriculation into medical school by a full year. I also, still didn't know the severity of the injury until I was finally referred to a neurologist upon request a few weeks later. I was diagnosed with PCS and told my symptoms could last for 6-12 months.

Now for my symptoms. The visual abnormalities are significant. I feel like I'm in a fog, or as one of my psych texts would call it, depersonalization. Prior to my injuries, I had ADHD and some emotional problems, which became far worse. I just don't feel like myself. I used to be funny, now I feel boring. I feel like I can't hold a conversation. My confidence is completely shot. I'm now taking antidepressants, and a non-stimulant ADHD medication which hasn't kicked in yet. I also see a therapist weekly, although I initially began seeing a therapist due to the anxiety I felt because of my failing relationship with my girlfriend (whom I broke up with recently). On top of all this, I'm taking a difficult courseload (thanks pre-med) and still trying to run my team's practices even though I stopped playing. Oh, and I didn't stop drinking because I was depressed and suicidal and it was one of the few things that made me feel normal again. That, and marijuana which I had smoked almost every night until recently.

Now, I've stopped smoking and drinking because I feel like I'm only getting worse. I have finals next week, and am responsible for writing two papers and taking four exams. The headaches are becoming more and more frequent, and the vision and focus problems aren't getting any better. I'm worried that I'm doing long-term damage to my brain, or at the very least delaying my recovery. I spoke with my class dean today, and may get excused from two exams, but I still have quite a bit of studying I'll have to do.

Unfortunately, when I come home for break, the work won't stop. I have to work on job applications and my medical school applications. Plus, my family is taking a trip to Puerto Rico and I'm worried that I won't be able to stop myself from drinking there.

Anyhow, sorry for the essay, but thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this. I just wanted to share my experience because I've been feeling incredibly alone in all this, and this site has made me realize that there are others who are going through what I am, so I wanted to give someone else that same comfort.

Thanks for reading!

Welcome johnnycollege.

Hello and welcome to the NeuroTalk Support Groups.

I see you've found the TBI/PCS forum and I'm sure you'll get a lot of advice, information and support about how to help your healing.

There are "Sticky" threads there that have lots of useful information and websites to read to help you on your road to recovery.

I guess there's always a lesson in the learning as that old saying goes and I hope you realize that you can get through this difficult time and hopefully it will end up making you a more compassionate and understanding psychologist when you have finished. Psychology is a really long haul, so best you take care of yourself n o w. All the best to you for your finals and your future placement.

For me, what might be the most discouraging part of this entire situation is that I feel--maybe know--that I've damaged the organ that was such a source of pride for me. I've always relied on, and appreciated, being bright, so feeling that fade has been a huge source of disappointment. I almost feel as though some of my aspirations are simply no longer possible...

Johnny,

Hello and welcome, happy to see you have come to be with us, it a great place to be. As you can see we have a great number and caring fellow members here, where you have find a supportive and relaxing place. Have fun looking into the different forums. Our shoulders are here for support in many ways.

Please keep us up to date on your condition. Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darlene