Hi Everyone,

I have the strong belief that I don't have to look far to find a single person in a much worse situation. Unfortunately, I am having constant problems with anger, stress, distrust with the medical community, and the mantra all monsters are human. Sorry for the loooooong post. Just a quick background for a year I had the worst shrink who ignored my concern about hormone levels and wrote me a script for thorazine to appease. When I put in a transfer for another shrink he got so ****** that for my loan review twice he mailed The Dept of Education paperwork leaving the boxes unchecked in reference to disability status, gave me a high GAF (I was in patient at the time) and he wrote I had polysubstance abuse (not a disability) and my problem "some inability being around others." As a result a $30K loan was reinstated, this has hit collections 3x's and I keep having to put it back into forbearance even though I'm on ssdi, I've paid $700+ in bills and my ex paid the IRS $8000 in taxes. My shrink removed all paper trail from my medical file; I notified the via certified mail medical director with a full paper trail. My shrink now works at a different clinic for MORE MONEY and MY CREDIT IS RUINED. The loan will be permanently forgiven after 5 years of ssdi, but I probably won't be able to fix the credit.

After 10 years, I got the courage to leave my alcoholic abusive spouse. I thought things would turn around and two days later my Alanon sponsor committed suicide. My support system was basically gone.

My sponsor also suffered from chronic pain, and I think she may have just been exhausted, so I decided to do something.
I arachnoiditis, 4 ruptured discs (L-3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, C5-6) bone spurs, synovial cyst, tumor on spine, stenosis, hypertrophy, cervical disc migration.

In between the ears bipolar I, adhd, ptsd, and really, really bad judgment in doctors.

After my PCP referred me I waited 5 months to get into the physical therapy clinic of THE top ranking neurosurgeon in my area. I only saw his asst and she just looked at my back MRI. Physical therapy hurt me 10x's worse than the car wreck. I quit going after 8 weeks of sheer hell. My physical therapist read my cervical MRI results a week into PT and said it's no big deal ; prior to PT I just had a stiff neck and migraines and no idea I had a neck injury.

The first MRI in Dec. shows C5-C-6 herniated and migrating. After 8 weeks and about 100 reps, of increasing resistance, in a Med X lumbar strengthening machine I quit PT. The 2nd week of using the machine I was so sick I had my PCP run blood work and check for numerous illnesses including cancer. Now, I'm seeing a pain Dr. Just to function.

When I told my physical therapist about my symptoms he said, "We don't USE the word PAIN here." And he told me " Your SYMPTOMS just bad because you're BIPOLAR."

In March I met the almighty neurosurgeon who is CONSERVATIVE. He asks how my neck is, I say fine until I did PT and this is completely ignored.

He repeats two things to me PARALYSIS and YOU NEED SURGERY. If I am not mistaken he is trying to scare the pee out of me. Also such an urgent MRI sat on a desk for over 3 months while your Physical therapist relayed my results.

Last month I went to the E.R. because I lost complete sensation in my face, neck, partially down to torso. The nurse got me a gown, was preparing tests etc. The ER doctor walks in and gets the history. Once he links me with the neurosurgeon he tells me my symptoms are PSYCHOSOMATIC. If I was really having these symptoms I wouldn't be at the ER I'd already BE DEAD, THEN EXPLAINS IN DETAIL DEATH BY CERVICAL DISC RUPTURE. Tells me I should go back and do what my Dr told me and get surgery.

I finally got another neurosurgeon and his asst said my MRI is not in her opinion a surgery case. I'm getting a 2nd MRI this month.

So. I went in for debilitating pain in my back and these are the new symptoms I took home:
back pain exasperated, Blurry vision, right inner ear bleeding on pillowcase, jaw locked - cracking 2 molars, excruciating shoulder/bicep pain ( PT had me on 2 stations doing OVERHEAD weights AND I have previous shoulder injury) migraine frequency - topamax & maxalt, hands cramped into fists at night, numb elbows to finger tips, constant headache, pressure behind eyes, clumsy, left leg/foot now numb, mental fog, first time in my life seeing a pain Dr now taking oxytocin just to get out of bed.

It is so upsetting that I am moving when this is over to seek medical care elsewhere. In the meantime I'm calling a

Welcome 1 to 10.

ha ha, Hi Kitt, sorry to be a debby downer

Hi 1 to 10,
First, Life IS better with a dog - I miss my Bobby still.
Second, I understand how you feel about Therapists. After building up a trust, and digging myself out of the darkest place in my life (I have Depressive Personality Disorder), my Counsellor abandoned me when I got a Cancer dx because he "couldn't cope with that". Then, a Psychologist I was seeing to help with pain management deliberately triggered a Panic Attack in me to "prove" I wasn't in control. After years of supression I am now an anxious wreck again.
As for your physical injuries, your list reads like mine in length and diversity, and I feel every one of your pains.
What you have found here is a Forum of supportive, non-judgemental peers who will be able to give advice, support or an ear to vent to.
Make yourself at home.

Dave.

Dave,

I am do sorry to hear we have common ground. I hope you're in remession and wish you well. I also miss my sweet Bello
Why the moniker English Dave? I lived in England and miss everything but the weather.
Thank you for your kind words

Welcome to NeuroTalk 1 to 10.

It's always sunny in England isn't it?

On a more serious note, you could check the list of forums here.
I'm not totally sure where you may want to post.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/index.php

Spinal Disorders & Back Pain Forum

Hey you two!!! We've just had 5 days of sunshine in a row in Yorkshire - so that's our Summer gone.
I chose my moniker to easily differentiate between myself and all the other Daves, and to instantly show we are all part of a Global Community.
Thank you for your words of concern, all of my conditions deteriorate daily - but treatments like Lidocaine Infusions and Ketamine keep me going.
How do your meds help you?

Dave.

Ugh, That's AA speak

By the way, I was teasing you about your signature -

"It is what it is, it's not what it was, it's not what it could have been, it is what it is."

In AA everyone said, "It is what it is." For some reason that always drove me bonkers. In college philosophy majors also drove me bonkers. Actually, I really wish I knew your signature when so I could shake things up a bit

I knew Wayne Dyer learn that famous quote from somewhere

another great from him:
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”
― Wayne W. Dyer

To the original thread starter:
I am sorry about your rough patch. Ya'll need to be careful about all those expensive procedures. yes, triple and quadruple check Most doctors are awesome, but some are not.

About your mental challenges:
I have found that i can control my mind, my mind does not control me. Of course, this is in a perfect world, and i do have challenges like everyone else, but I do feel a lot more in control of what i can control, than before. One of the reasons was that i started reading Wayne Dyer and books about leadership , motivation and positive affirmations.

in another words, you are not going to be good if you don't think you are good. So if you can get mentally drive to move forward and leave all that stuff behind, and say you are going to overcome whatever comes across, and your health is going get better, you might as well make it there and exceed the expectations, right? This is easier said than done, but I found that most of the work I have to do is mental, i force myself to act excited and positive, even though sometimes life is a bit rough .
In another words, present does not exists as before..I am here, but I am not. I am thinking how life will be without pain and these crazy symptoms I have in the right side of my face.

One more thing: I was pretty upset when I read at NIH and other sites about my symptoms. I had been complaining and no one cared. I am thinking to file a complain to the physicians board against a neuro doc that saw me and said i didn't have anything. i told the insurer he needed to go back to school, and after a lot of trial and error, I found one that saved my life.

Some of these people have big egos too, be careful because you need other peoples help too. Although you are the one suffering, you are also expected to be nicer than anyone else sometimes




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