Hi Jana

I am sorry to read that things are so hard for you at the moment.

I think that DejaVu made an excellent suggestion about crisis services.

These vary a bit depending on where you live but if you Google "crisis mental health services Australia" (without the quotes), which I just have, you will find out what support is available to you in your State/Territory.

All the best.

Emergency Services and Safety
 

Hi Jana,

Please don't worry about causing anyone here stress.
This is a support forum. Anyone offering support/suggestions is doing so because they want to do so. :)
It's important you are able to vent, so please go ahead and vent! :)
This is a support forum. :)

I am glad Kiwi has posted as well. I trust his judgment. He is also in Australia. :)

It sounds like you have done a great deal in trying to find help.
I am so sorry it's taking so long to obtain the help needed.

It also sounds like you are getting exhausted, depleted?
I am very concerned about you. Ongoing severe stress and related exhaustion can sometimes result in the onset of an illness, either a physical illness, a mental illness, or both.

I know you love your husband and want to help him to get the help he needs.
In the midst of this ongoing crisis, you may need to be self-protective from the heavy stress, at some point. You need to be able to function and not suffer any serious illness. Your child needs you, as well.

How soon will your husband see a psychologist through his GP?

Is it possible for you to talk with the crisis services and see what they offer for advice? You don't have to give your name if you want advice first, in order to investigate options. If you call, tell them you need to talk to them and you'd rather not give your name right away-- if this approach makes it more comfortable for you.

Many times, people are afraid of contacting crisis services, because they are not sure what will happen and are concerned crisis services will take over and the person reporting the situation loses control of what happens. It's an understandable concern. :)

However, I think they may be able to offer some options and more immediate help.

I am concerned if they come to the house and do not take your husband with them. I am concerned he may get angry with you and there may be repercussions. Is this a concern of yours? If this is a concern of yours, please explain this to crisis services when you talk with them. Be clear with them about your level of stress, exhaustion and the need for safety -- for yourself and your child. Your husband also needs safety until he's doing better. (When he gets better, he will not want to live with the guilt of knowing he has seriously hurt someone during one of these physical/attacking episodes.)

You and your child need to be out of harm's way. It's best for you, your child and for your husband. The "protection" is for all three of you. Your husband needs protection from the possible harm he may do in an episode.

Please consider talking with the crisis services and see if they will help to assess your situation and will advise you as to options before they come to visit your husband. This way, you will feel you have a bit more control over how things happen.

However, I think they may know how to help and how to help more quickly.

Please don't hesitate to come back and vent or ask for whatever you need.

Please take excellent care and be safe.

:hug:

DejaVu

I would suggest contacting Lifeline or Relationships Australia.

Both would be able to offer immediate counselling to you and also advice regarding the situation with your husband.

https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help...nline-Services
Lifeline Online Services

http://www.relationships.org.au/what...es/counselling
Relationships Australia - Counselling

http://www.relationships.org.au/rela...ce/crisis-help
Relationships Australia - Crisis Help

http://www.wlsa.org.au
Women’s Legal Services Australia

As kiwi mentioned, there are many you can find online but those two in particular I would recommend particulary Relationships Australia for the long term counselling issues that your and your family may need. Lifeline is always there for crisis situations.

I would do this sooner than later.

Thank you once again you have made some excellent points.
I have been seeing a psychologist for myself arranged by domestic violence advocacy and they have offered me an extra 12 sessions due to my circumstance. My psychologist is great and has offered alot of knowledge as i dont have a lot of resorces to turn too. My parents cant really offer advice as they dont know where i could turn but they are really trying i feel bad for the stress this has caused them. They are also so confused about how they should feel about him.
my psychologist has gone away for 2months so i have to wait till she gets back and his last episode was just after my session so i have not been able to speak till she gets back.

you are right last year i had suffered health issues my body just shut down on me i went to specialists and they did tests and couldnt figure out what was wrong. All i could think about is my son and who would care for him if i end up in hospital. He had just started kindy and had a horrible teacher ( i think this pushed my husband over the edge) because my husband was not letting me rest it was getting harder and harder for me to get up to get my son to school and i had to use all my energy to boost my sons confidence to face his teacher and then when he came home deflated i had to boost him all afternoon. My husband would ask everyday how was drop off? Hed want to spend the day discussing all details word for word then at night would start again. He always started nicely like how was your day? Once i engaged in conversation i realised he was looking for a fault in what i was saying when he couldnt find one he would tell me things like. Arent you intimidated by the other mums because they work and are smart. Id say no i like caring for Corben hes my priority. Then he would tell me i think you are i think your scared and your passing this onto our son. Then when id ask him to stop he would tell me horrible things and i wouldnt be able to sleep after that. In the morning he would tell me your npt taking him to school your too scared. If i took him he would give me hell if i didnt he was happy he got his way sometimes it was just to hard to fight. Problem was if my son missed a day of school the teacher would make him suffer twice as much so by not fighting my husband i was letting my son down :(
I went to relationships Australia and organised counselling he reluctantly agreed we had 3 sessions i went by myself once he went once and then we went together. She told me she thought it had to do with his aneurysm at first but i didnt believe her i thought he was just a horrible person now after she saw both of us he blamed me for dragging him through counselling he felt cheap because she was looking at the clock. Shortly after that i left. After a few days at my mums my body started working again. Even though i was very thin almost sickly looking my mum was cooking for me and letting me rest when i could, my health came back. My friends were so relived. I realised all the stress he had put on me had taken its toll. He asked me recently how my health is and i told him im all good now he was very happy. I didnt tell him i think it was because of the stress i was under. My son is in a new school now and he has just become the best little boy imaginable. The school and teachers were incredible. My husband is happy that our son is happy but i have not allowed him access to the school or teachers ( he was banned at the otherschool) so i prefer to safeguard me and our son. He is ok with that as he agrees his behaviour was inappropriate (he has recognised this) but he has caused problems with our landlord and neighbours here already and this causes me stress because i feel hes leading us once again down a path of destruction but believes he can guide us to a better future if i trust in him. I want to believe him.
Sorry rambling on again please forgive me for spelling errors or not making sense sometimes im just writting as im thinking.

with gp i dont when my husband will be next there. He has had a few issues with his health lately so hopefully something will lead him back there. But unfortunately they are not great caring gps so it all depends how they come across

Your idea with the crisis line is a good one. If i stay annonymis i can at least get advice. problem is i am really bad like that if they ask me i find it hard to lie and will probably tell them details i shouldnt so i would have to prepare myself before making the call. Also if they do come to our place you are right
I think they would have to take him with them otherwise i would be in danger this is why i have been to scared to make the call. I was thinking of possibly trying to pretend that it was his mum or even his brother and that i know nothing about it would be better for me. But again i am very bad at pretending and if he has any doubts then i will be scared.
i will build the courage to make the call and i think lifeline is a great idea too.

i cant thank you all enough for helping and supporting me through this crisis and reminding me of whats important. I hope there will be a good outcome from this
much love for your support




OTE=DejaVu;1163926]Hi Jana,

Please don't worry about causing anyone here stress.
This is a support forum. Anyone offering support/suggestions is doing so because they want to do so. :)
It's important you are able to vent, so please go ahead and vent! :)
This is a support forum. :)

I am glad Kiwi has posted as well. I trust his judgment. He is also in Australia. :)

It sounds like you have done a great deal in trying to find help.
I am so sorry it's taking so long to obtain the help needed.

It also sounds like you are getting exhausted, depleted?
I am very concerned about you. Ongoing severe stress and related exhaustion can sometimes result in the onset of an illness, either a physical illness, a mental illness, or both.

I know you love your husband and want to help him to get the help he needs.
In the midst of this ongoing crisis, you may need to be self-protective from the heavy stress, at some point. You need to be able to function and not suffer any serious illness. Your child needs you, as well.

How soon will your husband see a psychologist through his GP?

Is it possible for you to talk with the crisis services and see what they offer for advice? You don't have to give your name if you want advice first, in order to investigate options. If you call, tell them you need to talk to them and you'd rather not give your name right away-- if this approach makes it more comfortable for you.

Many times, people are afraid of contacting crisis services, because they are not sure what will happen and are concerned crisis services will take over and the person reporting the situation loses control of what happens. It's an understandable concern. :)

However, I think they may be able to offer some options and more immediate help.

I am concerned if they come to the house and do not take your husband with them. I am concerned he may get angry with you and there may be repercussions. Is this a concern of yours? If this is a concern of yours, please explain this to crisis services when you talk with them. Be clear with them about your level of stress, exhaustion and the need for safety -- for yourself and your child. Your husband also needs safety until he's doing better. (When he gets better, he will not want to live with the guilt of knowing he has seriously hurt someone during one of these physical/attacking episodes.)

You and your child need to be out of harm's way. It's best for you, your child and for your husband. The "protection" is for all three of you. Your husband needs protection from the possible harm he may do in an episode.

Please consider talking with the crisis services and see if they will help to assess your situation and will advise you as to options before they come to visit your husband. This way, you will feel you have a bit more control over how things happen.

However, I think they may know how to help and how to help more quickly.

Please don't hesitate to come back and vent or ask for whatever you need.

Please take excellent care and be safe.

:hug:

DejaVu[/QUOTE]

In Support
 

Hi Jana,

It's fine to continue venting and processing information, deciding which steps to take, etc. It's often helpful to receive feedback when we are feeling overwhelmed by a situation in our lives.

Your son and your husband are both important to you, of course.
Your home life is also very important.

I think it is very difficult to discern all that's going on with your husband without a full evaluation from neurology and a neuropsychologist.

It sounds like you are concerned about the safety, stability and health of the home environment for you and your son at this time? It must be difficult to live with not knowing what to expect and living in fear. :(

Lara has offered several links she thought might be helpful. :)
I was glad to see the links she has offered. :)
I am not familiar with how these types of systems work in Australia.

It sounds like you have previously utilized one of the services, the couples counseling. (Am I understanding correctly?)

It's wonderful the domestic violence agency was able to help you to see a psychologist. I am sorry your psychologist is out-of-town for a prolonged period. Is another psychologist providing emergency coverage for your psychologist?

If you can talk with crisis services, they may give you more information about how they handle situations and and it may set you at ease to tell them more when you are ready to do so?

You don't have to lie to crisis services in order to withhold your name. If you feel comfortable with them at any point, you may decide to give your name?

In contacting crisis services, it may be helpful for you to view the call as: you are calling as the person in crisis, the person needing their advice/assistance in dealing with the situation at hand? You aren't "reporting" your husband. You are explaining the situation and sincerely asking for help for your family.

Jana, if you want to call crisis services, you have a right to call crisis services for help/advice. You are asking crisis services to help you, to help your son and to help your husband. You are looking out for the welfare of your family.

You don't come across as being "against" your husband. You come across as concerned for the welfare of all three of you in the household.

You are in a very tough situation, for sure. You have done very well to have taken all of the steps you have already taken. It can become frustrating and exhausting for you. :hug:

We can only "listen," try to support you, make some suggestions.
We don't know which suggestions, if any, are best for you.

Asking for additional help from an agency is a decision you must think about and one you will have to decide on. You know what's best.

Please do make sure you and your son are safe.:hug:

May you feel supported and loved, surrounded by unconditional Divine Love during this very difficult time in your life. May you find clarity in your decisions on options/choices available to you. May you find the strength to continue coping well and strength and direction in seeking guidance/assistance.

We are here for you, Jana. :grouphug:

Warmly,
DejaVu

Thanks again for all your advice and support. I am so grateful and it has helped me so much these last few days. Now that things have died down while my husband is not here i have been able to do alot of thinking and make a few calls. Im not yet ready to call crisis mental health line out of fear but i do think it is going to have to be done if i cant see any improvement.
I am unable to see another psychologist until mine comes back but she did say to call any other the phone counselling line if i need to talk.
I have alot of thinking to do and firstly just need to make sure we are safe i have got a bag packed with our things and i will try not to let his words and actions overpower me and who i am. If i have to leave then i have to leave.
I am so thankful i found this forum and for everyone showing me support.
Dejavu you are an angel for giving me so much of your time Xx

May you find healing, Jana!
 

Hi Jana,

I am glad you have had time and freedom to make some calls and to think. :)
Thinking things through, knowing your options, making a plan -- helps you to know more about what you do and don't want to do. This also helps to keep everyone as safe as possible.

Of course, it's very important you make decisions/or not, take actions/or not, all in your own timing. This is your life. You are in control of your choices. Only you know fully what your home life is like and what may or may not be most helpful.

This is a very supportive community, Jana. :grouphug:
We are all happy to do our best to try to support you.
Please feel free to join in on any forum here if you feel led to do so.

Please be well and take excellent care. :hug:
Love and prayers offered to you and to your family.
May you and your husband find healing, on all levels.

Warmly,
DejaVu

P.S. We are here for you, Jana. :)

Hi Jana

Have read your story and my thoughts are with you during this really tough time. DejaVu, Lara and others have given you lots of useful advice so I wont repeat. I did however do a search of Australian Mental Health Resources and came across lots of stories saying that unfortunately, like my country (NZ), the public system is under-funded and under resourced. However that doesn't mean you won't get help in an emergency if needed.

I don't know what state you're in but came across this list of crisis line phone numbers. Might save you time searching if you're in a hurry:

State Crisis Numbers

NSW - 1800 011 511- Mental Health Line

VIC - 1300 651 251 - Suicide Help Line

QLD - 13 43 25 84 - 13 HEALTH

TAS - 1800 332 388 - Mental Health Services Helpline

SA - 13 14 65 - Mental Health Assessment and Crisis Intervention Service

WA - 1800 676 822 - Mental Health Emergency Response Line

NT - 08 8999 4988 - Top End Mental Health Service

ACT - 1800 629 354 - Mental Health Triage Service

I also came across this very clear assessment chart which may help you decide at what point to seek help:

https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/PDF/Mental...scale%20SB.pdf

This is another resource, which if your husband did realize he has a problem, and accept that he needs help, he may find useful:

Mensline

1300 78 9978 - www.mensline.org.au - MensLine Australia is the national telephone (24/7) and online (3pm - 8.30pm daily) support, information and referral service for men with family and relationship concerns.

Jana - I know you have your hands full so don't feel you need to reply but I'll be here if you just want support. Just one other thought - does your husband have a best mate or work friend that he might listen to?

All the best - bluesfan

Hi Dejavu

sorry for the delay it gets hard over the weekend raising my son on my own he keeps me very busy.
Thank you for your reply once again.
I have refused to let my husband talk to me about the latest incident with the neighbour as i know he wanted to spend the whole day on the issue and our son has a school project that he needs to do. I explained that we cant keep going over and over every detail we need to get on with life. I need to cook clean do the washing do schoolwork and take our son out to play (we live in a unit) he doesnot understand this. He wanted to tell me what the right thing to do is..... problem is he has finally come to the same conclusion as me. Eg not cause problems with neighbours but return the item that started this whole thing.... i was going to do that from day 1 ( i told him that but he would not let me talk) 2weeks have now past and he has realised its the right thing but he wants to be the one who came up with the decision and that its my fault for yelling... it just makes me really tired. He ended up saying that he is giving up on us because i will not let him lead. ( i would and have in the past until he started destroying everything and everyone around us) i can let him lead because he is so destructive and i have to keep apologising for his actions. Its very hard. So i told him thats ok he needs to look afterhimself. He told me he will not financially support us. I said that is fine and have not heard from him for the last 3 days. I know it is only a matter of time before he does reply. I feel he is like an injured puppy and its so hard to watch but its causing disruptions in our lives. My sons behaviour has started to change he crys very easily and wont let me leave him at school. Ive had to explain to him what is going on roughly but he already knows.
im feeling a bit better today and thinking about studying so i can get back to work when my sons a bit more independant (i gave up everything to be a fulltime wife and mother) so dont have confidence or skills to got back into the workforce just yet not to mention there is no afterschool care so finding a job in those hours is very hard... problem is if i go ahead and do study its going to cost me alot of money and i dont want to fail. But if my husband continues to come back in my life he will refuse to allow me to study. So i feel i am still putting my life on hold.
Im hoping and praying that mayb just maybe he will take the step to go to the gp in this silent time.
i hope he can realise how bad things are now that he is truelly alone without us.
thanks for letting me vent again and for helping me through this
Difficult time.

Hi bluesfan
thankyou for your reply.
these numbers you have given are great. I am just abit scared to call them just yet because i am worried what this might mean for my husband. I know once i call he will loose everything. Job, licence, pride, i just cant bring myself to do it. I wish his mum or dad would take care of this but they have just abandoned us.
The health system has really let us down. It shouldnt have come to this just a bit of follw up wouldve been nice and info on changes and that an neurological assesment should be part of recovery especial when telling them dont come back for 3years.
Unfortunately ppl just keep reasuring him that he is fine ( ive realised now its because they are scared of him) his brother was my last hope because he truelly respects him and they are extremely close. However last year before i left him i went to his brother for help. He said he will help we sat down together all 3 of us and then his brother turned on me and denied there was any problem with his behaviour. (Believe me he saw the out bursts bizzare things and irrational thinking) but he refused to side with me... now they have lived together for the last 5 months he is understanding what i was saying except it is too late because now he wont listen to his brother either. He has attacked him. And he has lost all friends. There isnt anyone else.
as for mensline i did also mention this to him during our court trial but he straight out refused to accept that there was a problem with him. Then when he had his last mri/ct scans the aneurysm is now gone and therefor more assurance that he is 100% back to perfect health.
i just dont think there is much more i can do except if he does come back here i should just leave or call the numbers you have given me.
thanks again for your help and support so much appreciated.