[Gemini57]

Hello, I am a wife who has been dealing with a husband who has borderline breakdowns, along with some drug use and lots of alcohol drinking bendges. I have been dealing with this for years and I have left him many times, but I keep coming back because I feel I am obligated. But it is not getting any better, it just keep getting worse. I don't know what else to do except keep my distance from him when he is in this state. I want to help him, but he will not face that he does have these episodes which has lead to our marriage not being a marriage at all.

[Darlene]

Hello and welcome, happy to see you have come to be with us, it a great place to be. We have a great number and caring fellow members here, where you have find a supportive and relaxing place. Have fun looking into the different forums. Our shoulders are here for support in many ways.

Click on the following forum there will be dear friends to assist you.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum31.html

Please keep us up to date on your condition. Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darlene

[caroline2]

My hope is that you are involved in Alanon for your sanity. I spent a lot of hours in the AA programs as I've had my share of alcohol and drug related members in my long life.

[kiwi33]

Hi Gemini57

Welcome to NeuroTalk .

I strongly endorse the forum that Darlene linked above.

It is a great place - people who are at different stages of recovering from alcohol abuse as well as their friends and partners all work together to support and encourage each other.

All the best.

[Wiix]

It's best to just leave him and STAY gone. He has to want to stop. Don't come back until he's been sober at least a year.

[zkrp01]

Originally Posted by Gemini57

Hello, I am a wife who has been dealing with a husband who has borderline breakdowns, along with some drug use and lots of alcohol drinking bendges. I have been dealing with this for years and I have left him many times, but I keep coming back because I feel I am obligated. But it is not getting any better, it just keep getting worse. I don't know what else to do except keep my distance from him when he is in this state. I want to help him, but he will not face that he does have these episodes which has lead to our marriage not being a marriage at all.

Were you an alcoholic and led him to this lifestyle? If not, I can't see where you are obligated. Even if you did, you can't fix him. A wife leaving would be a life-changing event for me. A major FAIL. However you cannot bluff. You have to be ready to walk and keep on walking. Alcohol is the worst drug, the downward spiral is physical and mental at the same time and the hooks go deep into both. Join the forum mentioned by Darlene. Others are having to make hard decisions every day, talk to them or get into a support group. You should not have to deal with this alone. First get through the holidays, I used to get with my brother and see how much trouble we could find on New Years.Best of Luck, Ken in Texas.

[PamelaJune]

Hello, I'm on the forum Darlene mentioned. My husband of 25 years, same as you. He is 114 days sober at present, tough going, but he is going. Your husband doesn't want your help, but maybe what he needs is to explore why he chooses to self medicate. I feel your pain

Originally Posted by Gemini57

Hello, I am a wife who has been dealing with a husband who has borderline breakdowns, along with some drug use and lots of alcohol drinking bendges. I have been dealing with this for years and I have left him many times, but I keep coming back because I feel I am obligated. But it is not getting any better, it just keep getting worse. I don't know what else to do except keep my distance from him when he is in this state. I want to help him, but he will not face that he does have these episodes which has lead to our marriage not being a marriage at all.

[EnglishDave]

If the behaviour just keeps getting worse when you reinforce it by leaving, then returning, it is time to break the cycle. You need the strength and support to achieve this, from here, from Support Groups, from Counselling. You owe nothing to anyone but yourself.

Having had issues with very heavy drinking and having had my personality totally changed by a prescription medication, I know the sufferer/addict has to want to change before any progress is made. In my case, the change of the latter came after my partner and family walked out on me on what was to be a permanent basis. It was that loss that forced my addled brain to make changes, get off the destructive med and regain some of my old personality.

It was too late for my relationship, but my Ex and I are now great friends and we play a huge part in each other's lives. My relationships with family members are pretty much as strong as they have ever been. It took years to repair the damage letting my personality be changed had caused, but that catalyst was worth it for where I am now.

Dave.