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Hi, Iím new here. Just need support, really.

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Old 08-19-2019, 10:09 AM   #1
Breezi
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Help Hi, Iím new here. Just need support, really.

My son dreamed of joining the Air Force for 5 years. He took jrotc in high school. Went to Normandy France for D Day as his senior trip. Shortly after graduation he enrolled. He planned to retire from the military. It was everything he wanted, he was super intelligent, goal oriented & motivated. He was exceeding all expectations! While in tech school, he was working at the on base hospital in infectious diseases, he loved it. Luckily he was only 2 hrs from home. It was a Friday night, March 4 2016, he decided to go to the movies. He was 20 yrs old & had never driven a car, he was a cyclist & rode his bike everywhere. On the way to the theater, he just collapsed. He was life flighted to the closest hospital equipped for his needs. The sheriff knocking on my door, telling me that my son was in critical condition, and I needed to safely get to him but I needed to hurry will never leave my memory. We got there in record time, no one could tell us what happened. We were under the impression he was hit by a car. His injuries were not consistent with that theory though. All they knew for sure was the mri showed 2 brain bleeds & that the next 24 hrs would be crucial for his survival. I never left, I couldnít. The smallest bleed stopped that night on itís own, the second larger one got bigger over night but by midday the following day, it had began to also shrink so he didnít require surgery. He was going to survive but we had no idea what his prognosis would be. We just knew recovery would be a long battle. A week later he was moved to a rehabilitation hospital 6 hrs away. I moved with him. He was still not awake yet. It was a week later before we had confirmation. He had a brain aneurysm rupture, and it caused a massive stroke. He could not walk, eat, or barely talk. When he did talk, he was angry. He felt it was a bad dream & he just wanted to wake up. I was being prepared by therapist to not expect much, they trained me to be his long term caregiver. So I learned everything I could about his condition, and I was ready to do whatever he needed.. I was prepared for him to leave the rehab in a wheelchair. He was released on April 13. He walked out of the rehabilitation hospital with a gape belt & my help. His recovery was remarkable. He put everything he had into it, he never said no, he just what he was told. However he has scarring on his brain that will never heal.. It has affected his memory tremendously. He was soon afterwards medically retired from the Air Force. He was devastated, as were we. He is now 100% disabled. To prove to himself & everyone else that he was capable of caring for himself, he moved over 1000 miles away from me. Currently heís going to college, he covered his body in tattoos & drives a Kawasaki motorcycle. I hate it lol. But he is 23 yrs old, he is an adult & he lets me know he makes his own decisions. He is still very much the same boy he was, only now he forgets a lot & he has no filter at all so he can come off kinda like an asshole. He has had bouts of depression due to losing his career & knowing that others try to take advantage of his disability daily. He was recently diagnosed with depression & ptsd. Heís getting the mental help he needs. They say a brain injury has a 2 yr healing process & after that 2 yrs, that is just where you will be. Well he proves that wrong every day! My husband & I donít treat him any differently, his younger sisters definitely donít treat him differently. But itís always there, in the back of my mind. I almost lost him. I had him when I was 16, we grew up together. Heís been there for me & taught me just as much, if not more, than Iíve taught him. They donít know why it happened. It is hereditary though. His biological fathers uncle passed away from a ruptured brain aneurysm. They told us he could have had it since he was a child & it just laid dormant. He doesnít recall any headaches. He had just completed a physical recently. His blood pressure was never recorded as being elevated, he was perfect health. We always said he was an old soul. The place it was located in his brain is usually more prominent in older men. Not 20 yr olds. His age, the fact he was a cyclist & very fit, plus military is what saved his life. That we were all sure of. He gets yearly check ups now, he is doing great. Bc he was Air Force, he had the best care, the best rehabilitation, he even decided to do an inpatient cognitive program for 3 months without me. Heís a wounded warrior. He will never have to worry about finances. Just ill intentioned females trying to bleed him dry. I canít control that I will always worry it will happen again. Or that the older he gets & the older I get, who will take care of him? With age his memory will get worse.. And he has high probability of being diagnosed with early onset dementia or Alzheimerís. I know my middle or younger daughters would gladly care for him. It just should be me, itís my job! I feel so much guilt that this happened to him. That it wasnít caught early on. He was the best kid growing up, he was a good person & a fine young man! We couldnít be more proud of him. It just isnít fair. I would have traded places with him in less than a split second. I rarely get to talk openly. My family lived through it for the most part with me, they donít like thinking about it. My husband is not an emotional man, but he can not even talk about the possibility our boy wouldnít make it. He refuses to go there.. for him it is out of sight out of mind. Our son Calvin, was 5 yrs old when my husband came into their lives. But they have always been his kids & he has always been their dad. I learned a lot these past 3 years & I grew grew into a better person, a better mother, even a better wife.
Oh wow I did not realize I published a novel here. So sorry!
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Old 08-20-2019, 03:59 AM   #2
kiwi33
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Thank you for sharing.

I wish your son all the best.

You could think about posting in the Caregivers Support forum (https://www.neurotalk.org/caregivers-support/); other members may have helpful ideas.

With care .
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